Donald Trump’s Impeachable Offenses: Twitter Fingers Edition

Because we are living in the bizarre hell that is 2017, discussing whether or not the tweets from the President of the United States are impeachable is a real topic of conversation. So, for my liberal snowflake comrades, I have done the dirty work of combing through Trump’s Twitter and pulling out some of his impeachable tweets. I thought this was going to be a lot easier to do, but it turns out it’s exhaustingly time consuming. I certainly thought I’d get through more than two Twitter rants — but I just don’t have enough Xanax. So here is part one of a series of impeachable actions Trump has done, starting with just a handful of his tweets. You’re welcome, and I accept boxes of wine should you wish to express your gratitude.

What is an impeachable offense?

The Constitution says that the President can be impeached for “treason, bribery, and other high crimes and misdemeanors.” But what does that really mean in the context of tweeting? Put very simply, “high crimes and misdemeanors” refers to any action taken by a public official that abuses their power in some capacity. This could include something like, I don’t know, using your name to make money while you’re in office (don’t worry, this is just part one. We’ll cover it all!). This also means that, while “normal” crimes could be impeachable offenses, actions that an average person would be able to do without a problem could be grounds for impeachment. When it was ordinary businessman Donald Trump tweeting crazy thoughts, that’s fine. No one cares. When it is POTUS Donald Trump tweeting crazy thoughts, it’s a problem because as President his tweets have more value. And yes, our founding fathers are spinning in their graves over this.

With that explained, let’s dive straight into hell.

Obamagate

The tweets (there are so many):

WTF was going on:

Thanks to an article published on the ever credible website Breitbart, Trump decided that Obama had his “wires tapped.”

The problem:

Obamagate is easily the most egregious and most talked about example of Trump’s impeachable Twitter crimes. I believe this is the most cut and dry of the Twitter offenses. First, Trump is accusing Obama of illegally wiretapping him while Obama was still in office — something that, if true, would have been impeachable behavior. Second, this isn’t your crazy uncle rampaging on Twitter (because, come on, if Trump is your uncle, there is no way you’re reading this). As Noah Feldman pointed out on Slate’s Trumpcast: Trump has the power to punish people, and threatening to prosecute people without evidence “is certainly an abuse of power.” Keeping this in mind, you can understand how it’s easy to view the Obamagate tweets as threats to the former president (remember that, because it’s going to be a pretty critical point — both for the rest of the article, and presumably for the remainder of Trump’s presidency).

There’s something very unsettling about the current President publicly accusing a prior president of an action that is both illegal and impeachable. Do you know what kind of rulers jail their political opponents? The kind of rulers that don’t really care for democracy.

When was the last time you heard Donald Trump say “lock her up”? A direct call to imprison his opponent while he’s the sitting President would be horrifying. I think that someone in the White House must understand this, and that’s why the issue has been dropped. But just because Trump isn’t directly saying “lock him up,” the fact that he is the POTUS means he could indeed lock him up. I do not expect anyone currently working around Trump to understand nuance, nor do I expect Trump to get it if it’s explained to him.

But wait! Haven’t we learned that there was indeed a FISA warrant in Trump Tower? Isn’t Trump right? Yes and no, in that order. Trump’s tweet accuses Obama himself of wire tapping him — and that would be highly illegal. While the FBI did indeed issue a FISA warrant for Trump adviser Carter Page, only a petulant child who hasn’t even passed eight grade civics would angrily equate this to “Obama wire tapped Trump.” It’s incredibly difficult to obtain a FISA, and it is not taken lightly — meaning that a FISA wouldn’t be signed off on just so Obama could spy on Donald Trump. On the plus side for the rest of us, Trump’s tweet declassified the FISA warrant, and allowed reporters to send FOIA requests on the investigation into the Trump campaign. Good move!

So-Called Judges

The tweets:

WTF was going on:

These tweets were in response to a judge putting a hold on Trump’s Muslim ban EO.

The problem:

Just like Obamagate, this is an example of Trump using his position to threaten another public official. This is a direct threat to a member of the judiciary system in America — and to judicial process. Personally, I find this to be worse than Obamagate. This is POTUS bullying and trying to intimidate a federal judge for disagreeing with him; this is a direct threat to democracy.

Trump wasn’t the only one threatening the “so-called judge” — security had to be beefed up for some of the judges who were involved in the EO disasters. Remember when Trump incited violence at his campaign rallies? Just this month, a judge determined that the protesters who were attacked can proceed with a lawsuit against Trump and his campaign. To impeach someone for actions taken before they became POTUS would be unheard of — but this parallels the not so veiled threats toward judges who don’t allow Trump to do whatever he wants. We should all be closely following what happens in this lawsuit, because it seems like Trump will continue to insult whoever he wants, with no regard for the impact of his power as POTUS to both legally and socially harm someone else.

Next week: More tweets? Russia? Who knows what I’ll choose!

 

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To Women Crying About Swimsuit Bottoms: Shut Up

It’s starting to get warm outside, which means it’s the time of the year where women feel like they should police each other’s fashion choices. 2017 is kicking off with the words of one Kayla Ratajczak, who managed the get The Odyssey to publish her drivel: “To Girls Wearing ‘Cheeky’ Swimsuit Bottoms, Please Stop.”

I’m going to give Kayla the benefit of the doubt and assume (hope?) that she didn’t pick the article title — condescendingly referring to the women you’re sexualizing as “girls” seems in particularly poor taste. But she did write the article, so even though the title basically covers the entire post…let’s dive right in.

As spring is starting to finally show its face after a long harsh winter, many women are becoming excited about all of the new spring fashion lines that are being released full of bright colors and fun pieces.

Can I just say — and I’m sorry, maybe this is because I’m a salty writer without a publisher — this already sounds a piece that was commissioned  for $1 per 1,000 words on Freelancer.com? Or possibly something a robot wrote.

However, upon the release of the new swimsuit line, I believe many women, including myself, are less than thrilled.

The new swimsuit line???? Whose new swimsuit line?? IS THERE ONLY  ONE SWIMSUIT PRODUCING COMPANY FOR ALL WOMEN THIS YEAR?! So much for making America great again.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, check it out. Just type “Bathing Suit Trends for 2017” into your Google search bar and “Cheeky” bikini bottoms will more than likely be at the top of your list.

“I am writing an article about something, but you’ll have to Google it to figure out what I’m talking about.” I also really love the directions on how to Google. I guess most people who will agree with this article are about 90, so maybe they will need the instructions.

Coming from a female who cares about her body and self-image, this not only makes me angry but disappointed in the lack of value that women still have today.

Oh. I’m sorry I was mean earlier. I liked it better when you were telling me to Google things instead of sharing your shitty opinions. Well, it sure is unfortunate that there is only THE SINGULAR SWIMSUIT LINE. Coming from a female (why the choice of “female” over “woman”?) who cares about her body and SELF-image, what other people wear doesn’t fucking impact my life at all.

First off, why should it be socially acceptable to wear basically a thong around in public in the summer months?

Kayla, how about we double down on this: ISN’T A SWIMSUIT JUST BASICALLY PANTIES AND A BRA?! WHY HAVE WOMEN EVER BEEN ALLOWED TO WEAR THIS TRASH?! AREN’T A BRA AND PANTIES BASICALLY BEING NAKED?! ISN’T BEING NAKED BASICALLY SLUTTY SEX?! Let’s get rid of pools and beaches completely!

Have bathing suit companies forgotten that often times, women are around young children and family members when sporting a bathing suit?

I fucking hate when there is one trend and I am FORCED TO WEAR IT. Like, I hate jeans. I think people who say jeans are comfortable are liars. Yet Big Fashion constantly forces me to wear jeans! Oh. Wait. Also, I personally wear different dresses around my family than I do when I’m going to the club. It doesn’t mean that all dresses need to be appropriate for dinner with my dad. And stop thinking “young children” care about your ass.

More importantly, what does it teach the younger generation who see women wearing these types of bathing suits? It surely doesn’t teach them about having self-respect or dignity in themselves.

I mean, not if you’re around to poison their minds with your backwards shaming views. But yeah, it does teach the younger generation that dressing how you want is okay and nothing to be ashamed of.

Now, I understand people are going to disagree with me saying things such as “Women should be free to wear whatever they want, men exercise that right, why shouldn’t we?” or “If you’re confident in it, rock it.” Which if you’re one of these people, I understand where you are coming from, BUT do you often see men roaming around in a speedo to attract attention?

This is a really good point. As a woman, literally everything I do is to attract attention. I can’t help it. It’s in my DNA.

Therefore, why do women feel the need to succumb to showing more and more skin each year to attract attention?

You just answered this question: because everything we do is for attention, duh.

Also, I’m all for the self-confidence, you should feel amazing and proud of what you wear; however, a line needs to be drawn firmly in the sand in regards to what is appropriate and what is not and “cheeky” bathing suit bottoms are not appropriate.

THANK FUCKING GOD WE HAVE YOU HERE TO MAKE THESE RULES FOR ALL OF US. What IS appropriate?! I need to know, Kayla. You never tell us. How can I dress myself without your guidance?!

I mean think of yourself as a parent,

Vomit.

would you want to see your daughter flaunting “her stuff” in a bathing suit that barely covers anything while boys flock to her every side? I think not.

How many sides does my daughter have?! I don’t think it’s the swimsuit that’s causing the flocking here. Can I sell her cubed torso to science?

Although I know many women this summer will not be listening to my advice, however, for those of you who do, thank you for showing respect to your bodies as well as yourselves.

But you didn’t really give any advice. I DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF SWIMSUIT I CAN WEAR. PLEASE HELP.

Our world needs more women like you to prove that we are characters of substance and value, not just itemized beauty to gawk at.

Our world needs more women who aren’t judgmental pieces of shit to prove that we (all women?!) are characters of substance and value, not just items for you to direct your bizarre anger from your internalized misogyny.

As for me, you’ll find me this summer laying on a beach with a bathing suit that fully covers my behind.

Bitch, thanks to this post you’ll find me this summer laying on a beach, face down, with an actual Victoria’s Secret lace thong on.

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Hey, White Women – We DID Vote For Trump!

Like many others, this past weekend I went to the Women’s March on Washington. During the two months of Facebook discussion leading up to the march, I watched as white feminists were introduced to intersectional feminism for the first time. I wasn’t sure how white feminism and intersectionality were going to mesh, but I think that the now viral “White Women Voted for Trump” sign carried around by Angela Peoples was perfect.

In an interview with The Root, Peoples described the response to her sign: “Most [people] were saying ‘Not this white woman,’ or ‘No one I know!'” And it was at that point anger and frustration bubbled up inside me, to the point that I had to take a break from reading for a minute.

“Not this white woman” and “no one I know” are such bullshit things to say. People were bussed in from all over the country to come this event! I live in the blue af DC metro area, and I know dozens of white women that voted for Trump. If no one you know voted for Trump, either people are afraid to be honest with you, or you live in a ridiculously homogenous bubble.

There’s no one weird sect of my white friends that chose Trump; they range from people I went to a small private elementary school with to former University of Maryland classmates. Almost my entire fucking family voted for him! I’m also one of the most vocally pro-BLM white people that I personally know, and I have been flooding my newsfeed with “hands up, don’t shoot” since Ferguson’s unrest, and a countdown to Trump’s reign starting from “Mexicans are rapists.” I’ve written for Cop Block, I write for liberal immigration lawyers, I have ripped apart both criticism of Baltimore’s uprising and praise of O’Malley on local and national platforms. I have lost work contracts and friends over my militantly pro-black, pro-woman opinions. And even with all of this, people still casually tell me they voted for Trump. Not only would it never cross my mind to give a negative response to a sign someone on my side is holding, but come on. If people tell me they voted for Trump, then I know they told other people. “Yup we sure did, and I know a fuck ton of them that I’m trying to work on,” is the most truthful response.

After Freddie Gray died, I gave up a travel heavy contract I had to write a book about the social, racial, and economic history of Baltimore and how these things culminated in the death of Freddie Gray. Because here is the thing: plenty of people who look like me would rather listen to me tell the history of the black experience in Baltimore instead of listening to, you know, black people. I am a white woman, and consequently I still benefit from white privilege.

So white women! Don’t step on people’s toes or put words in their mouth or act like you understand another’s struggle as though you’ve lived, but DO acknowledge that we benefit from the color of our skin. Take time to learn, and then act as a facilitator to help bridge communication between your fellow white feminists and the vast array of other types of feminists that exist. Don’t get distracted or bitter about signs pointing out that white women don’t show up to protest when black women are shot by the police, or by signs that show the actual statistics of who vote for Trump. Those things are accurate, and you don’t get to be salty with someone for delivering an accurate message.

I am here to share facts and data to help people begin to grasp the challenges faced by those who are less privileged than they are. I am NOT here to defend my fellow whites to communities already marginalized by white people. So what if someone thinks I might be a Trump voter because I’m white? Boo. Hoo. Hey, I’m gonna guess it fucking sucks more to have cops think you’re an armed threat just because you’re black.

Let’s not make #NotAllWhiteWomen the new #NotAllMen. White women benefit from white supremacy, and we need to acknowledge that. Otherwise we are just like the guys who think that sexism and the patriarchy are real, but THEY aren’t sexist so they aren’t part of the problem.

Touched by an Angel: Lessons from Mack Major

Are you a single lady? Have you dated a string of asshole men? I have some good news for you: Mack Major is here to give you some solid life advice! Stop being a fucking slut so God can send you a good man, you stupid whore.

When you get the chance today: go home, empty out your favorite drawer (you know the one I’m referring to)

The one full of cash? The one full of favorite underwear? The one I keep my designer denim in?? Please, Mack! Help! I don’t know which drawer.

And throw every last one of your sex toys away.

Wait. What?? I’ve been keeping all the wrong things in dresser drawers. Dammit!

In fact, don’t just trash them: take a hammer and utterly destroy it. Lest you be tempted to retrieve them from the garbage can.

Let’s just take a moment to think about this logically. I can’t say I’ve ever hit a dildo with a hammer, but it seems like you’d really have to swing at it pretty hard. Like look, Mack. Where are we supposed to do this? If I’m swinging my dildo destruction hammer around my kitchen all willy nilly and I bash in my floorboards, can I sue Mack for his lack of direction? What if I don’t have good aim with a hammer? Isn’t a hammer kind of phallic? Am I allowed to hold hammers that don’t belong to my husband?

If you’re storing movies on your computer, take your computer somewhere safe and clean off  your hard drive.

I will consider donating all the money I have to any church if I can have someone explain to me where I can find a “safe space” for porn removal. Also, Mack. Bro. RedTube. YouPorn. Does Mack even know about the internet???

If you have books in your collection that stir up lust and drive you to pleasure yourself, dump those books too.

Let me start with this one: “Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.  I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree;  I will take hold of its fruit.’ May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine,the fragrance of your breath like apples,  and your mouth like the best wine.”

Oh wait. That’s the Bible. Shit.

Anything that causes you to sin is not coming from you alone. You’ve more than likely opened a door in your life to what the old timers would call a spiritual husband. People who come from a voodoo or an old southern hoodoo background know about spirit husbands.

Surely Mack is making a joke here. I’m guessing he’s trying to show how ridiculous it is to not take personal responsibility for your sins, so he’s brining in voodoo to drive that point home. Right??

These are actual spiritual entities that become attached to a woman through ungodly sexual and spiritual activities.

Motherfucker say what???? Is Mack just trolling us??

Spirit husbands won’t share you with any other man. They will however share you with other women (hence the proliferation of lipstick lesbians and bisexuality among females today). But they will drive all decent men from your life, forcing you to remain alone until you die.

The first time I read this, I had to go check and make sure this was a Christian blog. I just checked again — don’t worry, it’s definitely some type of Jesus centric garbage. I guess it’s okay to believe in spirits and voodoo when you’re trying to terrorize young women out of their sexuality. Ladies! Repent or you will be a lipstick lesbian who dies alone — the worst of all our fears. Without men, we cannot be complete!

Many times a spirit husband becomes attached through fooling around with the occult. And yes that includes horoscopes too.

I have no idea who Mack buys his drugs from, but if his dealer is reading this and lives in the DC metroplex…holla at your girl. I want to live life on this level. I don’t even know what the fuck he’s talking about at this point.

Perhaps [your spirit husband] climbed on top of you while you slept at night, causing extreme terror as he squeezed the breath out of you. Somebody reading this knows exactly what I’m referring to.

kesha.gif

YES I DO KNOW.

The only way you can get rid of a spirit husband is…to submit your life to a higher more powerful masculine force: I’m talking about Jesus Christ. Jesus’ name carries major weight in the spiritual realm.

What the fuck is this? The spiritual mafia? “Oh shit son you love Jesus? That guy does not fuck around. Okay I’m out sorry bye.”

Obviously, many rational people would think Mack is a crazy person. But this is the internet, where even the craziest of assholes can find camaraderie online.  You know what they say: read the comments on an article only if you hate yourself and/or have a bottle of wine. Guess what, bitches — I have a full bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, and possibly a vagina ghost from Satan, so here we go: a quick translation of some of the comments on Mack’s hard hitting think piece.

Thank you for exposing this & tackling an issue that not many are brave enough to do!

“Thank you for creating this bullshit bizarre theory, and tackling women’s issues in a way that demeans us and encourages us to be submissive. Your idea that we submit to a higher masculine force is really spot on! Not many are insane enough to publicly share your opinion!”

This is an awesome read, however, Would you agree that their are other demonic factors that can cause this? Could it be generational strong holds & othet sorts, there are many women who don’t play with sex toys yet still aren’t married.

“I’m so desperate to be with someone that I can’t understand it’s off putting that I attribute my singledom to demons. Also where do I buy these drawers full of sex toys?”

Yes they might have been sold out to spirit husband ,which has married the females children born to the family it goes from generation to generation, it’s even causes marital turbulence, cause miscarriage ,broken homes

“Either I do not understand what ‘miscarriage’ means, or I do not understand how things are inherited from generation to generation. Also, spraying Sprite up my uterus is a good form of birth control, right?”

Wow. Very good read and in light of all the women that I can sense if they’ve been reading fifty shades there is definitely something spiritual going on.

“I masturbate on public transportation while attempting to make eye contact with women holding paperback copies of 50 Shades of Gray. I’m glad to see you agree those sluts deserve it.”

Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum

Bad news, bitches: we’ve all been doing drinking wrong. As in we’ve been doing it, and we shouldn’t be. At this point, I assume everyone has seen the CDC’s handy little infographic that alerts women to the dangers of drinking — but just in case, here it is:

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Say what you will about this, I find the suggestion that drinking too much can cause women to become violent particularly helpful. Drunk women are always just being so aggressive and violent! Like, way more than men! It’s about time someone pointed that out!

Honestly, I’m a little baffled by the notion that alcohol causes pregnancy and fertility problems. Is the number one fertility problem caused by alcohol immaculate conception, or is the CDC suggesting that women are to blame if they are raped while drunk? Most likely it’s that drunk women are prone to be violent aggressors who will rape men. I’m so glad the CDC is here to put a stop to that.

And isn’t it enough that I am already totally shafted in the workplace and life in general by not being a man? Now I have to learn that men can drink without risk of being violent, getting STDS, unintentionally knocking someone up, or getting heart disease or cancer? I mean what the fuck. Why did the CDC wait so long to alert us to the fact that women obviously metabolize alcohol in a much more dangerous way than men?

I really need a man to explain this to me. Like, I don’t ever want to be pregnant. So should I drink more so I have fertility problems? Or should I drink less so I don’t accidentally get pregnant? Do I still have access to abortion clinics, or is “unintended pregnancy” now an incurable disease?

Maybe it’s time we really reconsidered how we behave when we’re out. Do you know how many men have bought me a drink in a bar? A fucking ton of them. Do you know how many of them have asked to touch the Implanon stick in my arm before allowing me to drink their beverage? None! When will society change? When will men step up to the plate and take responsibility, and make sure that women of child bearing age are not drinking if they can’t prove they are on birth control? Will our next GOP President please create a law requiring proof of birth control in bars?

For whatever reason, the CDC took this image down. I don’t really know why, I think it’s great. Hopefully they are just working hard so they can re-release it with better suggestions. Honestly, let’s just go ahead and determine that women of childbearing age are that way because they are supposed to have children — so ban drinking for anyone 21-35 until they’ve had at least 2 kids. No more Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, no more violent drunks!

Martin O’Malley: Rebuilding the American Dream, Like He Rebuilt Baltimore

I feel like I’ve been seeing way too much of Martin O’Malley lately. From being a guest on The Daily Show to playing the guitar on The View, O’Malley seems to not be deterred by his approval ratings. To the average person who only watches the debates and listens to the current soundbites, O’Malley sounds like a good candidate for Clinton’s cabinet (or whatever he’s aiming for at this point). I’ve seen many liberal leaning friends and news sources (especially those who consider police reform a primary issue) express their interest in O’Malley. His criminal justice reform plan even lists “build[ing] trust in law enforcement” as a top priority.

But the thing is, in Maryland we all know the truth about O’Malley.

How can the mayor that ordered mass arrests of innocent people and manipulated crime statistics possibly be the President we trust to understand and implement community policing?

How can the mayor who ruined community and police relations possibly be the President (or whatever position he’s going for) we trust to rebuild faith in the police force?

Back in April, I watched Martin O’Malley stop by West Baltimore for a photo op. Starting at the burned down CVS, he slowly made his way down Penn, shaking hands and smiling with the crowd that had gathered to protest the death of Freddie Gray. I’m sure he thought it was a great idea for him to do before announcing that he was running for President — until an angry protestor on a motorcycle started following him. “YOU DID THIS! YOU KILLED FREDDIE GRAY!” the man yelled. O’Malley quickly picked up his pace and escaped into the black SUV waiting for him at the end of the block.

He wasn’t wrong.

Nothing O’Malley has ever done shows he is capable of facilitating a community oriented policing program, or that he even knows what community policing is.

O’Malley now claims that he wants to make community policing a priority — though Baltimore didn’t get its Community Partnership Division until after O’Malley was long gone from Baltimore. O’Malley’s Baltimore focused on manufactured statistics and graphs, not human compassion or an understanding of how to treat the root causes of crime. Numbers get you noticed by White House, after all.

During the first Democratic debate, O’Malley assured us that in his Baltimore, arrests and crime fell.  He was half right — crime did fall in Baltimore, just like it did nationwide. But I don’t really know why he claimed arrests fell; in 2005 there were over 100,00 arrests in a city of roughly 600,000 people. How could crime possibly be falling if the police saw fit to arrest almost 1/6 of the city’s population? Under O’Malley the blanket policy of the BPD appeared to be “arrest everyone — or else.” People were not arrested for committing crimes, they were arrested and held for up to 54 hours with no charges ever filed. When people were assigned bail, they usually couldn’t pay it and would spend a month or two in jail until their cases would be dismissed. In 2006 the ACLU and NAACP filed a lawsuit against O’Malley for this practice. Spoiler alert: the city settled.

While O’Malley’s BPD were making mass arrests, they certainly didn’t prioritize arresting rapists. In 2010 the Baltimore Sun reported that police would aggressive question rape victims, causing 30% of victims to change their accusation to “unfounded” — which was five times the national average. On paper, the amount of rapes in Baltimore declined 80% versus the national average of 8%; the city didn’t even go for a believable, gradual decrease. 

Not to mention, O’Malley did his best to expedite the school to prison pipeline until political opposition was just too much to handle.

When you see Martin O’Malley talking on TV, please don’t let him blind you with charming jokes about the NRA or the honest good he did here with immigration and gay marriage.

Instead, please remember his first legacy — the city of Baltimore.

Remember Freddie Gray. Tyrone West. George V. King. Officer William Torbit Jr.

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