Tag Archives: privacy

The Week in Review

Later today I’m going to the DEA Museum (yes, that’s a thing), so that should provide great material. I’m loaded up on allergy drugs, so God knows if I can write anything today. For now I thought I’d link to the best of the things I saw on the internet this week (all the cough medicine in the world can’t make me mess up links…hopefully).

  • Marion Barry losing his mind over paying his parking tickets.
  • Don’t you just love it when people ask you questions about why you’re single? Oh, right. Probably not.
  • But you probably do love it when Obama sings top 100 songs to us.
  • Rand Paul hauled ass when confronted by a DREAMer, and Colbert killed it with his Rand Paul-eo diet.
  • I posted on my page a photographer’s experience with having a photo used without permission, and then a monkey had the same problem.
  • I found the best article for helping American Ebola patients in the US.
  • Lastly, Facebook has now decided everyone should use their stupid app that lets them access your microphone so they can tell when you’re watching Archer, when you’re having sex with your wife, when you’re singing to yourself while you’re home alone, when you’re yelling at your kids, whatever.

I have more blog subscribers than I do Facebook fans on my page, so I know some people missed it when I asked for everyone’s Instagram and Twitter handles. If you give it to me, I’ll follow you!

OKCupid Shocks World With Corporate Version of a Face Only Photo

For anyone who doesn’t know, I’m slowly but surely working on a book about my online dating experiences. That being said…I obviously have an opinion on the announcement that OKCupid was messing with its users by lying about compatibility. That opinion is..no fucking shit.

I didn’t go on one or two online dates. I mean, I used OKCupid so much they let me become a moderator or something. I used OKCupid like it was my job. And I never, ever put much stock into their stupid little percentages.

My first ever online date was through POF (Plenty of Fish), so it became the default tag...but most of these were OKC.

My first ever online date was through POF (Plenty of Fish), so it became the default tag…but most of these were OKC.

Here’s examples of conversations that I had with guys I had a high match percentage with.

The scene is a Starbucks, the time is 8 pm. This is DC; it makes sense. Our connections on OKC include we’re both into politics and we’re sarcastic. High rating. Conversation has been going mediocre.
Him: Well, let’s just get this out of the way. Are you a Jew?
Me: No…
Him: GOOD.

This is still in the initial text/OKC messaging phase. We’re making plans to meet so we’ve exchanged numbers. Again a high match percentage — likely due to a mutual interest in politics and love of the first few seasons of Arrested Development.
Him: Do you want to see my dick?
Me: No.
Him: [sends dick pic]
Me: [vows to only give out Google Voice number so pictures can be screened]
A month passes.
Him: I didn’t realize you were such a prude.

So much love!

I guess it should be tiny penises coming out of the beaker.

I mean, how are people surprised by this? I don’t expect that everyone is a career online dater, but surely you must have noticed you were matched with some crazy fucking people at one point. My best friend and I used to talk about how a very high match percentage (over 87%) was basically a guarantee the guy would be off his rocker. Also, it’s dating. I already exercised caution and assumed everyone lied. I did, even if it wasn’t always intentional…sometimes your values and opinions change. What was mandatory to me in January might have been some somewhat important in June.

The moral of the story here: don’t invest too much faith in an online quiz that takes into consideration whether a user considers it “mandatory” their potential date likes anal.

Though deleting text from users’ profiles might explain why my disclaimer didn’t work. I ended up putting at the top of my page, “I’m not interested in having sex with you for money (or anytime soon), and I’m certainly not interested in dick pics.” Maybe OKC deleted the “not.” That would definitely explain a lot.

If You Knock it Up, You Gotta Put a Ring On It – But Discreetly and Without Gifts (And Other Life Lessons from Sheila Kihne)

Sheila Kihne is a crazy person running for office in Minnesota. She’s got good old fashioned family values, and she wants you to know about important things — like how you’re a whore if you get pregnant without being married.

Crazy Sheila

Crazy Sheila

So let’s go through her blog a little bit. I only see entries from 2008-2009, but it’s a goldmine. First, she teaches us how to handle baby shower invitations. Isn’t it the worst thing in the world when some slut has evil premarital sex, and then gets knocked up and has a baby shower???? #FirstWorldProblems

Don’t you think that if you’re having a baby- and you’re not married- that you should forego the shower?

Of course!! Those selfish bitches, making the decision to not abort their babies and instead raise them….they shouldn’t be given any gifts!!!!! Other than maybe a pamphlet about Jesus.

I also think that if you get married- and are knocked up- you should get married quietly. At a courthouse, at a private home. There should be no 1. Dance 2. Dinner.

Yes, do the right thing. Don’t shame everyone with your big belly and public exchange of vows. What the fuck is this?? Should we instead all dress in black and follow our slutty friends to the courthouse, in mourning for the wretched world as otherwise good people succumb to the evil of sex outside of marriage?

There are more kinds of birth control available today then lipstick shades. If you don’t want to get pregnant- you don’t. This is crossing all socio-economic lines and education levels it seems to me.

Seems to me like this bitch needs to learn how to Google. I hope she doesn’t make any policy decisions based on what she feels, since births to single mothers go from 68.9% of all births to those making under $10,000, to 9% of births for those making over $200,000 a year. A similar decline in percentage happens between those who have less than a high school education down to those that have a bachelors or more. Seems to me, maybe it’s the crappy abstinence only education children are receiving. But what do I know?

She then goes on to say that it’s partly because the Boomers don’t encourage their children to put their nasty wedlock babies up for adoption. Instead, they chip in and emotionally and financially support their grandkids. Bizarrely, Kihne wraps up her thought process on the Boomers with this:

My rule is- if I don’t have to pay for your daycare, then do what you want.

What? The fuck? You obviously don’t think people should do what they want, since you are writing a blog dictating how husbandless girls should handle their baby showers. You fucking nut.

marriage is no longer seen as an institution- but an excuse to have a wedding

I’ll give you that. I don’t want to sign a paper saying, “I legally love you,” but I do want to throw one hell of a party and ceremony.

When somebody gets knocked up- without being married- you’re just supposed to hop on board. You’re not allowed to say a thing- it’s none of your business of course- but when it comes time for baby showers and weddings, rest-assured you’re going to be on the invite list.

I’d like your address, Ms. Kihne. I don’t plan on ever having a baby or ever being legally married. But if I ever get knocked up, I want to invite you to my abortion party. You might find it in better taste.

Next we learn how to save the poor. She determined that she could take the $12,000 extra she’ll have to pay in taxes, and give $3,000 to 4 families. The catch? Well, a contract with her. Because she is God.

you will submit a 1, 5, 10 and 20 year career plan- I will tell you if it’s workable- if it’s not, I’ll come up with one for you

Based on how knowledgeable she is on statistics of unmarried pregnant women, I’d assume she knows everything about it all. I also assume she knows a lot about what it’s like to be super poor and what your actual viable options are.

you will not own any of the following items (if you do, you’ll immediately sell them) an iPod, a flat screen television, video games, a computer or any designer clothing

Ah, yes. Let’s dictate what the poor are entitled to. And I hear that electronics really retain their value…you bought a $1,200 iMac 5 years ago? I bet it’s worth even more now! Good thing college kids don’t need computers, and good thing handwritten resumes are 100% acceptable! Now wear your Walmart shoes, talk on your flip phone (which you can only have if it’s cheaper than a landline), and bow down to me!

6. you will work at least 60 hours a week
7. any children 12 or over will have a job to contribute to the household income

Yes, for the low low bargain charitable donation of $3,000 you can have a child slave!!! Hell, you can have the parent work 60 hours a week cleaning your house and the child working 40!! I hear that 12 year olds are often hired for more than legal minimum wage. Oh wait, they aren’t. Maybe we could amend 7 to “sell any child under 12 to the black market.” I mean, working 60 hours a week…you’ll never see them anyway.

 you will not go out to eat for the duration of the year- nor will you see a movie or get your nails or hair done (you can do it at home)

GOOD! THERE IS NO RELAXING WHEN YOU’RE POOR. NEVER. “Daddy, I want to go see Frozen! All my friends are going!” “SHUT UP, SALLY. GET BACK TO WORK OR I’LL SELL YOU LIKE YOUR SISTER.”

12. if you live anywhere near a bus line– you will sell your car immediately

So you won’t be waiting tables, because you won’t be able to get home after work!

13. you will ensure that your children are performing well at school and work with their teachers in any possible way to make them successful- if they need tutoring- we will find the resources to do it

Unless they have to type a report. Then they’re fucked.

Seriously. What the hell.

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More Unquestionable, Irreversible, Irreparable Harm – Is There Anyone Left to Defend the NSA?

Oh, the NSA. My most hated government agency, always tied right with the DEA and TSA. Ever since Edward Snowden leaked their documents last year, I’ve felt pretty justified in my hatred. While they’ve still had their defenders, I feel like lately they’ve taken a page from OCT and worked hard to alienate everyone who could agree with them.

Now the Washington Post has published the results of a 4 month investigation into the NSA. Absolutely nothing in it is shocking; everything in it is disgusting. “But wait!” you say. “The NSA protects us from terrorists! And if you don’t have anything to hide, why do you care?” Well, here are some highlights.

Scores of pictures show infants and toddlers in bathtubs, on swings, sprawled on their backs and kissed by their mothers. In some photos, men show off their physiques. In others, women model lingerie, leaning suggestively into a webcam or striking risque poses in shorts and bikini tops.

That means pictures of your children. Pictures of your lake days. That picture you took alone in your room for your significant other. Pictures targeted for certain people, not for the world. We cry out when our children’s photos are taken in public by strangers, parents champion not having pictures of their kids on social media — so why not care that everyone is seeing your toddler in the bathtub? Oh, but what’s that? You’re an American, so this doesn’t apply to you?

If a target entered an online chat room, the NSA collected the words and identities of every person who posted there, regardless of subject, as well as every person who simply “lurked,” reading passively what other people wrote.

Oh. Well. That sucks. Damn globalization.

So…why are we not more upset by this? I’m sitting here watching the news (CNN and Fox!) and no one is talking about it. The NSA is, really, a bunch of criminals. Your right to privacy is your most important right – it goes beyond what your state says, beyond a country’s constitution. No one would feel like they were really living if they spent their entire life being monitored and watched.

truman_show_ver2

Do you think the people who are responsible for passing the legislation allowing this are comfortable being spied on? They aren’t. Glenn Greenwald covers this in his (amazing) book, No Place to Hide:

When the Senate Intelligence Committee’s chair, Dianne Feinstein, insisted that the NSA’s collection of metadata does not constitute surveillance…online protesters demanded that she back up her assertion with action: Would the senator, each month, publish a full list of people she emailed and called, including the length of time they spoke and their physical locations when the call was made?

SPOILER ALERT: The answer was no.

The way I talk in front of a group of strangers is different from the way I talk in front of a group of close friends, which is different from the way I talk when I’m with just my little sister. I’m sure you are all the same way. The best thing you can do to demonstrate how incredibly uncomfortable people can get when they lose their privacy is to walk around recording people. Why do you think we’re so uncomfortable with the idea of Google Glass?

At the point, it’s almost comical. Is there anyone left to defend the NSA? Probably not, but if you think they’re swell, I’d love to hear why.

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