If You Don’t Teach Your Kids About Safe Sex, I Can’t Wait For You to be a Grandfather Before Your Kids Can Drive

Are you waiting until marriage to have sex? Good for you! Unless we’re close enough for you to tell me about you having sex, please don’t tell me about how you aren’t getting laid (I’m an equal opportunist kill joy). But for the love of God, do not tell me that you won’t be teaching your children about safe sex.

Shout out to one of my very astute readers for sending me this gem: I Will Not Teach My Kids About Safe Sex Because There is No Such Thing (also, you kind of suck because I have since wasted hours of my life reading this guy’s blog). The blog author, Matt Walsh, makes two key points: if you are having casual sex, you aren’t having good sex (indeed, only those who have been married for many years have good sex), and teaching your kids about condoms is like telling them to drink and drive, as long as they buckle their seatbelts. Oh. Okay. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess Matt can’t be on Facebook during bikini season.

The ‘safe sex’ model, however, tells a sterilized and paranoid story. It says, “this is something so frivolous and so joyless that you can do it with whoever, for whatever reason, even if just to alleviate boredom. By the way, though it is just a recreational activity, like Parcheesi or air hockey, it can also lead to broken hearts, chlamydia, pregnancy, and AIDS. So, in that sense, it’s a little different from a board game. Hey, let’s look at some super-magnified images of genital warts!”
Does it really, though? What shitty fucking parents have you met, Matt? I don’t know anyone who was raised this way. Do you guys?
 
Imagine the college students who have to chug 6 rum cocktails and 8 Natty Lights between them before they can anonymously copulate in someone’s dorm room.
Why do we say that these people enjoy sex? The man who makes love to his wife of 20 years enjoys sex; these people only enjoy certain physical sensations.
Oh. I forgot how often I hear about people being together for 20 years and still humping like rabbits. Isn’t that kind of not the norm? Also, what’s with the extremes here? 20 years of marriage vs. a drunken one night stand? Quite frankly, Matt, just as I’m in no position to comment on what it’s like to be married for 20 years, you clearly aren’t qualified to comment on what it’s like for people to have sex outside of marriage.
 
We tell young people to wear condoms to protect against ailments like hepatitis and AIDS. The obvious insinuation here is that there is a ‘safe’ way to fornicate with a diseased stranger.
I don’t have much to say here other than how awesome is it to refer to sex this way? Men can carry HPV even if they are virgins so I feel like this invalidates the entire argument.
 
Sex itself isn’t safe. On the other hand, committed relationships, fortified by the vows of marriage and reaffirmed daily by both spouses, are safe — and it is only in this context that the inherent vulnerability of sex can be made secure and comfortable.
I don’t plan on ever getting married, because I don’t believe in bringing the government into my relationship. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! Does this mean I’ll never really love someone or be loved the way Matt think it’s supposed to happen? Government contract? Good to go. Loving and committed relationship? DISEASED STRANGER SLUT.
 
Throughout the first part of the article, I was clinging to the hope that this guy meant he was going to teach his children abstinence as a moral goal, but would still teach them how to use birth control. Nope – hope those little rugrats don’t end up like me, never wanting to have children, even when they are married to someone.
 
 

Now, I know you’ll tell me that we have to be realistic. Kids will have sex, so shouldn’t we at least make sure they’re prepared for it?
To answer that question I have a few of my own:
You don’t want your kid to drink and drive, but if he did, you’d prefer he wear a seatbelt, right? Well, would you ever say to him: “junior, I know you’re going to drink and drive. You shouldn’t, but everyone does. So just wear your seatbelt”?

Say what? I’d say it’s actually more like telling your child you don’t want them to drink, but a lot of kids do drink. So if they decide to have alcohol in high school (despite you teaching them about the dangers of alcoholism and binge drinking, legal consequences, etc.), under no circumstances should they drink and drive. It’s dangerous, it’s unforgivable. It can result in loss of life for multiple people, it can result in severe property damage, etc.
If you have sex – despite the physical and emotional dangers I have taught you, children – you need to wear a condom. I don’t know what the sexual equivalent of drinking and driving is for parents talking to teenagers. Maybe bukaki?

Oh wait! A direct contradiction!

And abstinence before marriage has a better way to deal with the bad things — it tells you about gonorrhea and herpes and out-of-wedlock pregnancy, but it assures you that you don’t need to live in fear of these things if you simply wait for the right time.

Oh. So you will tell them these things can happen, but you won’t tell them how to prevent them? And any unwanted fetus that I find inside me (ring or not), has gotta go. I guess these kids will have to get married and procreate IMMEDIATELY. Shit like this is how kids develop the idea that putting Sprite in your vagina works as birth control.

I’m not a psychologist, but if you spend so much time telling your children to define their self worth and identity on the state of sticking things up their hoohah, what do you tell you tell them if they’re date raped or when lose their identity when they’re married or if they just “mess up” and have sex? If I was from a family that felt so strongly about abstinence that my dad was writing blog posts about my chastity, I’d probably run away if I had sex and got knocked up.

And odds are pretty fucking good these kids are gonna be having some babies (what’s up, Bristol Palin). Abstinence only education consistently fails. And coming from a religious stand point, the Bible says we shouldn’t have sex AT ALL but if we do we ought to be married. And do you know why, Matt? Paul says that we should be married because we’re gonna bang anyway, so we might as well be married. 

I leave you all with 1 Corinthians 7:1-9. Kinda cheapens the “don’t say they’re gonna do it anyway!” argument.

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time,so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satanwill not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

 

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Was Kajieme Powell Acting as a Martyr?

I’ve watched the video of Kajieme Powell being shot so many times I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with myself. Can someone please explain to me what was going on? Was he trying to mimic the Brown situation to prove a point by sacrificing himself? The petty theft and display of the meaningless products on the side of the road, across from the store he just stole them from…”I’m on Facebook, Instagram, you know who I am”…the guy filming and the other guy watching…moving to his left so the people watching wouldn’t be in the line of fire. Why am I not seeing anyone else talk about this? Can any of you point me in the direction of a news source saying this or debunking it, because I’m really confused. It looks so orchestrated. And was he even holding a knife? I don’t see one.

I know this isn’t a traditional blog post, but I really need some answers and I get a fair amount of traffic. If that is what his goal was, what he did is both tragic and phenomenal. The absurdity of the untouched energy drinks to the side with his lifeless body in the background should really drive this home for people. This behavior by the police is wrong. If his intention was to help people understand this, I think it would be a disservice to his decision to not bring it up.

Please Stop Asking Me If I’m Ever Getting Married…

…because I’m not.
Last week I mentioned that I’m not a fan of the way marriage is currently run. I believe that a marriage contract should be between you and the person you love, and if a third person is involved it should only be your God — not the government.
I am, however, interested in changing my last name, committing to someone, and having a big ceremony and party (because I’m awesome and why not).
Interestingly, I found this article about a woman who isn’t willing to change her last name — but is willing to get legally married. It’s an interesting read, so I recommend you check it out.
I have no interest in signing a paper saying I love you, I have no interest in a shared bank account, and I have no interest in a diamond ring. I do have an interest in changing my last name (and a big “official” party for my wedding!) — possibly because my first and last name are both terribly dull, and I have met dozens of other people with an identical name. Who cares if someone wants to do it?
The article pretty much mocks people for saying it’s “just nice” AND tell us to make our own decision in the same breath.
Personally, my self value and identity are not so easily shaken that no longer being one of a million Amanda Moores will bring me crashing down into a pathetic heap, opening the door for my misogynist common law husband to take off my shoes and wheel me into the kitchen for all eternity. Plus, name changing isn’t a worldwide phenomenon: it’s an English speaking thing, and some of the cultures where women stick with their maiden names are hardly earning an A+ for women’s rights.
I’d take this opinion a lot more serious if someone could explain why name changing is wrong but the act of ring exchanging isn’t (especially a diamond. No one dies when you change your name), or if she had clarified that her dad also didn’t walk her down the aisle, or if she just acknowledged that she DID buy into any of the billion sexist things in modern weddings.
 

The Week in Review – August 15

This was a pretty busy week for the news, but most of it has been depressing.

  • Ferguson, MO went from being treated like a war zone to being under the control of Ron Johnson, who told the Post, “When I see a young lady cry because of fear of this uniform, that’s a problem…We’ve got to solve that.”
  • The police officer who killed Michael Brown has been identified as Darren Wilson.
  • Robin Williams passed away, and people saw that as good reason to send pictures of his body (photoshopped or real) to his daughter on Twitter. Because people can be evil.
  • The most expensive car in the world, a 1962 Ferrari 250 GTO, was just sold for $38 million. That would buy me a lot of Audi R8s, but apparently the sale price was “disappointingly” low. Whatever.
  • Finally, this TSA video made me laugh so you should watch it, too.

 

Unpopular Opinion: I Don’t Have Anything Valid to Say and I Feel Bad for People Who Read My Writing

Ever read something that just made you want to punch yourself in the face so you wouldn’t have to look at it anymore? Because I have. Today (and many, many times before). My friend pointed me in the direction of an xoJane article by one Jessica Slizewski that I couldn’t even comment on because the comments were disabled. Instead, here’s my frustration for you to enjoy.

UNPOPULAR OPINION: I DON’T HAVE STUDENT LOANS AND I DON’T FEEL BAD FOR PEOPLE WHO DO
A better title?
UNPOPULAR OPINION: I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING VALID TO SAY AND I FEEL BAD FOR PEOPLE WHO READ MY WRITING

Jessica Slizewski is clearly a miserable and insufferable person to be around. She starts off the article telling us how she isn’t privileged or part of the 1%, but she managed to graduate without debt — and she’s here to be the condescending voice of reason about why we could have been just like her! Thank God.

Yet somehow, by what most of my friends think was the wave of some fairy godmother’s wand, I graduated college without student loans.

Oh, really? I wonder how. Please tell us!

And while some people say these 18-year-old kids don’t know what they’re getting themselves into, let’s not pretend we don’t know better.

Well actually, Jessica, didn’t your fancy college education teach you that your frontal lobe isn’t fully developed until you’re 25? So if you have a lot of outside pressure from respected adults telling you what to do, aren’t you more likely to do what they suggest? You know instead of using your not yet completely formed frontal lobe to draw an understanding of massive debt?

I worked hard to avoid taking out loans.

What did you do? Did you wait tables? Take the train to New York to strip every weekend? Work as a roofer? Tell us!!!

My wonderful parents and grandmother helped me pay for my education

SHUT THE FUCK UP. You poor, poor baby!! You had to have family that could help you pay for your education? That sounds so difficult. Life must be so fucking rough.

Unlike the majority of my friends who went to schools less than an hour from their parents’ homes and chose to live on campus rather than commute, my college roommates were named Mom and Dad.

Well, I was fucked. My parents wouldn’t let me live with them (for the better) and my dad didn’t have a job. And my grandparents are dead. WHERE DID I GO WRONG?! Did I not have enough seances asking for money?! If only I could work as hard as you did, Jessica, so that my parents and grandparents could have had more money and/or not be dead. Do you have any advice on that??

Imagine the stereotypical American college experience. You pick some private university in the middle of a cornfield with a tuition price of about $36,000 a year, plus room and board, party it up every night since you’ve finally escaped the teenage hellhole known as your family’s home, and stumble into your Symbolism in Harry Potter seminar at 11 a.m. still half-drunk and probably reeking of Icehouse.

Is that what’s going on in college these days?! Harry Potter classes?? What’s Icehouse?? I DON’T EVEN KNOW I DID COLLEGE WRONG STUDYING ARABIC RUINS ALL THE FUN. I think the problem here is less about student loans and more about stupid choices in classes. Like, Sallie Mae doesn’t audit your course schedule.

You join a sorority, get vomit in your hair more times than you’re willing to admit publicly, and spend half the day on whatever flavor-of-the-week social media site the guy you currently like is active on.

Okay. I don’t understand what loans have to do with anything here other than sorority dues. Also, what the fuck is “whatever flavor-of-the-week social media site”? Do you not understand that most forms of SM have been around for a long time? Did your parents ban Facebook and Twitter so you think they’re new? Idiot.

You might have even been able to — gasp — live with your parents.

But I wasn’t. Sooo…now what?

You thought your college roommates were weird? Try living with a mother who has a disturbing penchant for singing Chris Brown and LMFAO songs and accidentally throws a Sharpie in the dryer with your load of freshly washed (and now ruined) clothes.
 Tehe! Your family gets along it’s so cute omg hehe!
Um, guess fucking what. My family is like a nightmare disaster when we all live together. If only it was fun and games (disclaimer: I get along fabulously with my entire family when I don’t live with them). Try being 21 and grounded from your own laptop. That’d be more accurate.
Remember that friend you had who went through a different boyfriend each week? This habit of constantly picking up something new applies to my father, but in the form of hobbies, not college-aged jocks
OMG. I’m having a realization. You’re such a condescending bitch that you don’t actually have friends other than your parents. What, did not taking out loans keep you from having friends? No, your shitty personality did that.
You may find it’s uncomfortable to invite friends over when they’re home on college breaks as your brother, in an effort to show off his muscles, is in a near-constant state of undress, prompting your father to create a rule that forbids shirtlessness in the kitchen.
More proof you don’t actually have friends. They were all home and in the same situation as you. They just didn’t like you enough to invite you over.
And for the ladies with loans: Do you wish you’d done anything differently during your college years to limit your debt?
Yeah. I’m not an elitist cunt like you are, so I just wish I hadn’t gone to college at all.
I spent the four years of my life designed for partying essentially reliving my high school years. And yes, it was awful.
I’m sorry you’re so bitter. Maybe now you can start throwing up in your hair and getting on social media flavor of the week sites or what the fuck ever.

If you want me to love you forever, you can follow me on Facebook and IG, and subscribe to my YouTube channel!

If You Give a Cop an Assault Rifle, He’s Going to Ask for a Tank

…when you give him the tank, he’ll probably take your city hostage.

(Photo on right: Scott Olson Getty Images)

One of these photos shows a peaceful protest, the other shows a riot worthy of tear gas and rubber bullets. Go figure. (Photo on right: Scott Olson Getty Images)

Last night two reporters were arrested in Ferguson, MO; one from the Huffington Post and one from the Washington Post.  It’s a really, really big deal — not that the blatant crimes against the people of Ferguson aren’t already a big deal.

Journalists aren’t better than other people, but of course journalists being arrested will make headlines. Freedom of the press is pretty valued in the US, and these reporters have resources and a following much greater than the average person. If the police are willing to do this to someone with a well established media platform, it highlights that they don’t care about any sort of checks and balances.

 

About 85% of the world’s population live in countries that don’t protect press freedom. Places like Pakistan and North Korea completely shut out foreign reporters and block websites on a national scale. That’s terrifying.  Can you imagine living that way?

By arresting members of the press who have large scale media platforms backing them, who have more Twitter followers than you or I likely ever will, who have resources and funding behind them — the Ferguson police have showed they give exactly zero fucks about anyone or any potential consequences. How can average Joe expect to be treated? Journalists aren’t better than other people, but traditionally they are protected and they  are better equipped to share their story. Is the PD even thinking at this point, or are they just doing whatever the fuck they want?

So many people say they exercise their right to bear arms as a way to go up against the government if it is ever necessary. These are the people who came out to Bundy’s ranch. Remember him? Groups of people and private militias went to his place to make sure he wouldn’t have to pay taxes to the BLM (which is totally a bullshit govt department, to be sure) for letting his cattle graze on “their” land. Okay, fine. Soooo…where are these private militias now? Oooh, that’s right. Armed white people are a protest. Unarmed black people are a riot.

We’ve let the police become a militia. We’ve let them arrest our children and destroy their lives for things as simple as smoking pot. We’ve sat quietly by as they received military grade weapons in return for these heroic acts. Now is the time to stop supporting this, to understand how the system works and why it’s being done wrong.

Any area that has a population that is primarily black and only has 3 black police officers should be considered suspect from the get go.

 

The Right to an Attorney? NOT in Immigration Court / Proceedings

Imagine being 11 years old, speaking little or no English, and walking into a court room for the first time in your life. Now imagine you’re representing yourself: unsure of what to say or when to say it; unsure of where to stand or sit, likely untrusting of most adults. Yet, the court room waits and expects for you to tell your story to strangers in a way that allows you to stay in your new home. Sounds terrifying, doesn’t it? Yet for the unaccompanied minors who are apprehended while trying to enter America, it’s a very real possibility. In the American justice system, immigration proceedings do not warrant an appointed attorney. Instead, these children are expected to pay for their own lawyer, find an attorney willing to work pro bono, or represent themselves in court.

This is where Kids In Need Of Defense (KIND) steps in. KIND is a non-profit organization that works to partner these kids with lawyers and law firms, providing them with legal guidance and representation. The lawyers that work alongside KIND help the children navigate the system and clarify everything in a way the children can understand.  This is a dramatic change from asking children to fill out form blanks themselves. KIND matches children with lawyers to help these children understand their rights and the complex process they are going through it. In 2017, it looks like KIND needs support more than ever.

Several years ago I was able to attend a training for law firms looking to work with KIND, and I found the information invaluable. Christie Turner Herbas and Laura Nally, the KIND attorneys that led the training, not only provided valuable background information on why so many children are coming to the US, but also taught us how to handle working with the children. KIND attorneys stressed the need to explain things that would easily be overlooked, or that we might incorrectly assume the children know. For example, a child might spend months thinking that the first time she talks to a judge, she risks being deported straight from the court room (not true!). Children too young to understand borders may not grasp why moving from mom’s house in Guatemala to Grandma’s house in Maryland warrants months of legal proceedings.

The past three years have seen a dramatic increase in the number of unaccompanied minors seeking asylum in the United States. Children from El Salvador, Guatemala, Mexico, and Honduras make up a large chunk of this number. KIND told us that, in an effort to understand the increase, the UN Refugee Agency asked 404 unaccompanied children detained by US authorities to explain why they left. The answer can largely be summed up as fear: fear of the gangs taking over their cities, fear of forced recruitment into human smuggling, fear of being killed after witnessing a crime, or fear of sexual assault. In some cases the children were victims of violent or sexual crime at the time they left; other times, they knew it was a very likely possibility and considered it safer to risk coming to America. (For more details, you can see the full study here.)

The journey of an unaccompanied child from their homeland to another country is hardly an easy one. It’s difficult to imagine many children would take the risk if they did not truly believe that very real danger awaited them should they stay at home. Everything they are struggling with must outweigh their fear of being caught, getting lost, and being kidnapped on the way to the US.

This post has been updated due to the actions of the US President in 2017.

Mmm Meth & Marijuana: If You Do Drugs, You Will Die The End

“Once upon a time there was a girl named Wendy who was very beautiful and very happy and had lots of friends but then one day she did some heroin and got addicted and lost everything and then she died.
The End.”

– A very, um, beautiful poem on an ad in the DEA Museum

Who the hell knew the DEA had a museum? Not me, and not my friend Ed — otherwise we would have gone years ago. Honestly, it’s everything you would expect it to be…terrible and hilarious, all at once. I highly recommend that you go if you’re ever in Pentagon City.

 

I already talked about the museum in my first ever YouTube video (woohoo!), but it’s even worse than the comical portrayal of marijuana. Obviously the DEA is stuck in the mindset that drug use should be criminalized instead of treated as addiction (or, in moderation, left alone) and that the police need to be armed and treated as a militia in order to “combat” the problem.

In reality, the War on Drugs is a dated and terrible concept, a waste of resources that could be better used on almost anything else.  For anyone who is interested in understanding the link between racism and the War on Drugs, check out The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander. It’s a fantastic book, and honestly should be on high school required reading lists. Her argument is that the drug laws in America recreate the Jim Crow laws; because it’s okay to discriminate against felons, making laws and enforcing them in a way that make a disproportionate amount of black people criminals allows for continued racial discrimination.

As we walked around the museum, Ed pointed out all of the cocaine exhibits kind of implied that it looked like they didn’t want to criminalize blow for a while. I agreed — white people were doing coke, so there wasn’t the drive to punish them for it. I think we’re all aware of the disgusting differences in the laws between cocaine and crack, but it was startling to see the history.

“These green snake-skin shoes were worn in the early 1970s by a federal drug agent working undercover in the Detroit band business: ‘These drug dealers were jet setters, white guys trying to be like black guys, dealing in PCP and then cocaine.'”

As we make the transition to decriminalization of marijuana, let’s not forget that FAFSA requires students have no drug convictions on their record. Can we even imagine the number of students that couldn’t afford to go to college because they got caught with small amount of marijuana or cocaine? Underage drinking citations don’t come with a loss of federal funds for school.

How many decades have been spent teaching our children that marijuana is a schedule one drug because it’s extremely dangerous — that it’s on par with heroin and less dangerous than cocaine (a schedule two drug)? How many teenagers have disregarded everything they’ve heard the FDA or their teachers or parents say about drugs after they smoked pot for the first time or hung out with people who smoke? I mean, if weed is more dangerous than coke…bring it on!

I think American society is slowly becoming disgusted with the loss of freedom (and lives) that is a direct result of the drug war. We’re constantly hearing about “isolated incidents” — they clearly aren’t isolated. We’re no Portugal, but I’m hopeful that people will get tired of hearing about our legal system and police doing things like….

Of course, I did see parents that were glad to teach their children the crack den and the head shop are equal evils, so who knows what is in store for America.

wendy

 

The Week in Review

Later today I’m going to the DEA Museum (yes, that’s a thing), so that should provide great material. I’m loaded up on allergy drugs, so God knows if I can write anything today. For now I thought I’d link to the best of the things I saw on the internet this week (all the cough medicine in the world can’t make me mess up links…hopefully).

  • Marion Barry losing his mind over paying his parking tickets.
  • Don’t you just love it when people ask you questions about why you’re single? Oh, right. Probably not.
  • But you probably do love it when Obama sings top 100 songs to us.
  • Rand Paul hauled ass when confronted by a DREAMer, and Colbert killed it with his Rand Paul-eo diet.
  • I posted on my page a photographer’s experience with having a photo used without permission, and then a monkey had the same problem.
  • I found the best article for helping American Ebola patients in the US.
  • Lastly, Facebook has now decided everyone should use their stupid app that lets them access your microphone so they can tell when you’re watching Archer, when you’re having sex with your wife, when you’re singing to yourself while you’re home alone, when you’re yelling at your kids, whatever.

I have more blog subscribers than I do Facebook fans on my page, so I know some people missed it when I asked for everyone’s Instagram and Twitter handles. If you give it to me, I’ll follow you!