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“Not Trying to Argue, but…..” Dating in the Age of Trump – Part 2

Welcome to week two in the collection of my personal dating hell. Enjoy.

HELP, HELP, I’M BEING OPPRESSED!

Random Art Man: I like your profile. I agree with most of it. However, I’m a full time painter and women definitely have the advantage in the gallery world. Not trying to argue, but it’s probably one of their strongest areas.
Me: Cool.

At the time I received this, my profile said, “if you are a white guy, make sure you are comfortable saying both ‘men have the upper hand, and so do white people, and I benefit from this is in society.’” Now, can someone please explain to me what made this man feel like he had to message me and let me know that, in this one specific area, women are ahead? Go fuck yourself, Random Art Man.

Also, “it’s probably one of their strongest areas”? What an awkward fucking thing to say. It sounds like he’s talking to me about a baseball team, or maybe a kindergarten class. Certainly not a group of people that half the population, including myself, belong to. “The Orioles roster is stacked with pitchers, it’s probably one their strongest areas” (hahahahaha jk) or, “Ms. Sally’s kindergarten class is really good at spelling. It’s probably one of their strongest areas.”

Womenfolk sure do have an advantage at art stuff. As a gender, it’s probably one of their strongest areas.
Gay men sure do have an advantage when it comes to creating a fashion powerhouse. As a group, it’s probably one of their strongest areas.
Black men sure do have an advantage when it comes to joining the NFL. It’s probably one of their strongest areas.
Random Art Men sure do have an advantage when it comes to sounding like assholes. It’s probably one of their strongest areas.

TAKE THE COMPLIMENT!

Me: I’m too liberal.
Man: I don’t usually talk politics, so we would get along. And if you ramble on about stuff way too liberal for my taste, I will just start making out with you so I don’t have to listen to it.
Me: lol. I mostly talk about politics…
Man: Then we would probably have a very active and enjoyable sex life together.
Me: oh
Man: I don’t mind talking about any topic, but I don’t go overboard with it. The world is the way it is…has always been that way. Do you want a partner to just talk politics with?
Me: lol not just, no
Man: Cool. Are you on Facebook?
Me: Who isn’t?
Man: Can we be friends on FB?
Me: Haha we haven’t met! My Facebook is almost 100% politics, you’d hate it lol
Man: It’s okay, it will give me a better gauge of who you are.
Me: lol ok

Man: You are very attractive. You look hot in your Bumble profile but…your Bumble profile doesn’t do you justice.
Me: lol its the same pictures!
Man: But seeing more pictures gives me a much better perspective of your looks.
Me: oh
Man: Take the compliment.
Man: I usually like to see the Facebook profile because I pass on about 99% of girls for not being my type.
Me: I’m glad I passed the test.
Man: Yes, you did pass.
Man: I am going to take a power nap, text later today.
Me: Hey so there was a lot of objectification in your messages. I’m not *only* looking for a partner to discus politics with, but I’m also no looking for a stranger who tells me they’ll shut me up from talking about things that are important to me with sex. We are likely not a good match, but best of luck in your search.
Man: You are confusing playfulness with objectification but that’s fine, it’s only texting and wouldn’t lead to a real conversation over the phone anyways. Good luck to you too.

Isn’t this a wild ride?

“Oh, this is something you care about? Well, if I think you are rambling on too long about silly things like racial inequality and police brutality, I will just fuck you quiet!”

“You have passed my test of attractiveness. Do you not feel validated? Hello? Say ‘thank you,’ you rude bitch!”

“When I said words to you, you believed them? Haha, silly little woman! So confused! It’s a joke, you know. If you bothered to get to know me, you’d know that when I say misogynistic things, I am joking. In fact, in general? If I say something that upsets you, you can just assume it’s a joke. Because I’m always going to tell you it was. Gosh, typical woman — no sense of humor.”

Next time: men I actually met.

This is Part 2 of a series. Find Part 1 here. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter, and if you ever need an anti-Trump shirt…well, I’ve got you covered

Are You Trolling Me? Dating in the Age of Trump – Part 1

A couple of months ago I wrote about some anonymous asshole who decided to send me death threats via Bumble. After I wrote it, I realized I was still pretty pissed off….and I just kept writing about all the shitty men I have found on the internet. I have been online dating on and off since 2009, so I certainly have a lot of material.

As I wrote, I realized there was a line between my stories: the Donald Trump era. Before Trump, my stories were funny, but fluff. After Trump, they were sometimes very depressing. From 2012-2015 I was in a relationship with a man, and obviously I was not spending my time online dating. But hearing what my friends were going through, I often thought that I would probably just be single forever if my boyfriend and I broke up. It seemed that dating had gotten worse — though I didn’t really understand how that could be possible. Once my ex and I broke up, it was confirmed: dating was worse. I wasn’t sure if it was me, or if it was because I was older, or what was going on. But the misogyny and hatred I faced dating after Trump was significantly more than before. When Trump was just a punchline at the National Correspondents Dinner, men weren’t messaging me to threaten to kill me because of my feminist views. When Trump was at the helm of the United States, they were.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing some of my stories. Whether it’s aggressive messages from strangers I never ended up meeting who want nothing more than to put me in my place, or men I dated for weeks or months…my misery is here for you to enjoy!

The Gaslighting, Mapless Felon

For clarity, here is my OKCupid profile:

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That somehow prompted the following exchange between myself and a gentleman I have dubbed “Mapless Felon.”

Mapless Felon: Did you know there are no atheist in fox holes…
Mapless Felon: I’m against the “wall” …I’m for a mine field and machine guns torrents…. Because for close to 5 decades South America has been infiltrating the country
Mapless Felon: Historical fact…
Me: Have you ever wondered what psychological issue you suffer from that makes you message women on dating sites to tell them they’re wrong about their beliefs?
Me: I would recommend researching that, whether through self discover or with a psychologist, over the research you’ve done to justify murder at the border. Likely self discovery in the first area will also explain your position that appears to be shooting women and children on sight. Cheers!
Mapless Felon: Oh….I agree I have some issues… Who doesn’t? It’s part of being human…. Yes the women and children… The law breakers!!!!!
Mapless Felon: Have another drink lol
Mapless Felon: And I dunno if you watch the news…. But there seem to be a lot of those ms people in your area…. Maybe some like experience would change your perception…. See with the illegals and the gang affiliates…. The 8 year old is a fucking gang member.
Mapless Felon: I’m not against immigration…. I’m against criminals…. My friends lol some are actual factual immigrants…. Also republicans…. Funny all these people agree with me…. Also these friends of mine know more about our country than either of us…. Most people that migrate legally are republicans….
Mapless Felon: Look up how many Reagan gave amnesty 4 decades ago…. Yeah it’s a problem and has been a problem…. Do you have kids…. Because I buy supplies for mine and the illegals….
Me: Well, I’m just going to report you to OKCupid since you seem so down with threatening to murder people. You probably shouldn’t have any guns if this is who you are as a person. Russian is a lot harder to learn than English, which you clearly have spent your life struggling with, so when our new Russian oligarch overlords demand we speak their native tongue….you might be screwed.
Mapless Felon: Imma felon…. I can’t have any legally lol I love russians! And speak a Slovak language I pray they save us from the liberal agenda…
Mapless Felon: You know this is pretty much one of the only conversations I’m having….I believe that by being rude and disrespectful gets a reply Lol been nice chatting with you… Maybe next time someone gives you a hi or hello you respond with so much passion….See.. Y’all are bitter angry people than would prefer to argue….Honestly why reply to a rude comment??? And ignore nice messages.

I think I kind of dropped the ball with this exchange, because it never occurred to me to point out to this guy that there is quite a bit of space between South America and the US border. If only we had made it to our first date, I could have brought him a map. But I guess that’s the least horrible thing he said.

Where do I sign up to train myself to have the same level of cognitive dissonance this guy has? “I’m against criminals, unless the criminal in question is myself. I am, after all, a felon.” What? How do you seriously type that out without realizing what a hypocritical asshole you are?

But the gaslighting! Oh boohoo, poor mapless felon can’t get a date with all his nice messages. Any guy who has to cry about how nice he is and why can’t women see that and want to date him? They’re probably not that nice.

Anyway, ladies. If you’re looking for love and in the DC area, I have some bad news: this obviously completely sane and non-violent nice dude appears to have deleted his account (or OKCupid took me seriously and deleted it). Sorry.

I AM Black Lives Matter

For clarity: my profile contained these two pictures, plus me another of me holding a bottle of rum:

 

Random Man: I would normally ask why ur famous and on the news according to ur profile pic but I need to go warm up some ribs cause I’m hungry. Cheers!
Random Man, 8 hours later: Rum. That’s about it. Had no idea you were black lives matter. Hopefully u understand twice as many unarmed whites have been killed by police this year. How about certain races just need to stop causing more crimes? Ever think about that? Glad u think Obama care rocks and u think more taxes and more government is good. Glad u think the problem is our lax gun laws and not terrorism. You’re likely one that voted for Obama only cause he was black and Hillary because she was a woman…like most of the crying snowflakes. Lol no idea what is real. Watch too much CNN and Facebook. Definitely aren’t close to anyone in the military. Definitely think u have an open mind but definitely don’t respect any one else’s opinion unless it’s yours. [emphasis mine]

Well, Random Man, I also had no idea that I AM Black Lives Matter. But I sure am glad you told me!

What’s truly insane about this, is that this man messaged me when my profile was fairly apolitical – I didn’t even have AbortMikePence.com yet! I don’t have a screenshot of my profile at the time, but I figured those two pictures did enough talking. I never mentioned Obama, Obamacare, taxes, Clinton, or guns. What a fucking lunatic. I’m the snowflake, but he was so triggered by my participation in a protest that he had to tell me, despite not knowing me, he knows I don’t respect his opinion. How do conservative men live like this? Can I spend just one single day feeling so important that I get to go around and tell other people who quietly disagree with me, they are VERY WRONG and need to respect MY opinion? It’s like the conservative rallying cry: no one respects our opinions! And all the snowflakes have stupid opinions!

That’s enough for now, I think. Come back every Wednesday for more stories, and maybe a few dramatic readings if I get drunk enough to do one. And pleeeease feel free to share your Trump era dating stories in the comments — I’m not alone, right?

Follow me on Facebook and Twitter, and if you ever need an anti-Trump shirt…well, I’ve got you covered

 

 

A Collection of My Favorite Reactions to the Removal of Confederate Monuments

They took down all the Confederate statues in Baltimore, and according to some people, it’s like they’ve totally re-written history! Without being able to see monuments to the Confederacy, I’ve already started to forget what the Civil War was…and it’s only been 10 hours! A true Soros funded conspiracy.

Anyway. Let’s dive in. .

https://twitter.com/kelle_kennedu/status/897863593303179264

LOL is this account really just Stephen Miller??

Ah, yes. It’s like how we will never forget the Holocaust because of all the statues of Hitler in Germany, or how we’ll never forget 9/11 since they erected a giant Bin Laden statue over the Pentagon.

https://twitter.com/mdss2763/status/897831395124531200

I’m so confused. Does removing the statues cause everyone to forget history or not??

Screen Shot 2017-08-16 at 2.35.42 PM

Bonnie. Seriously. What the fuck are you saying? Are you angry that us libtards did not, as kindergartners, demand the removal of these statues? Or are you saying that when you learned about slavery as a child, you thought it was okay? I think marching around in the dead of night (or anytime!) chanting “Jews will not replace us” is rude and disrespectful to our nation. Also, this comment was posted on an article about Baltimore removing their monuments — so is that last line a threat to the mayor?? Tsk, tsk.

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Y’all, I swear I made that Soros joke before I found Rhonda. Honestly, I’m writing this in real time as I find unhinged comments. Do you guys think Rhonda would be willing to relocate to Charleston, South Carolina? She could date the guy who threatened to kill me!

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TARE IT DOWN!

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Augustine, my man. I will personally pay for your transportation for you to come to MLK in DC and start ripping down the street signs — especially if you can get Malcolm X Blvd, too. You’re gonna fucking love Barry Farm, and I’m sure everyone living there will love you too — promise.

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“I have already stopped going to Baltimore, but now that these statues are gone, I will no longer be going to Baltimore.” Karol, I think the black people are why you stopped going to Baltimore years ago.

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This one is a real wild ride, but it does explain the mindset. See, unless you’re there, then you can’t know what happened! Having statues makes you feel like you are there! So that is how we can learn history. Obviously.

Ugh, right? How can you remove our heritage of racism?! Unbelievable.

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I wish like hell Obama was really running our government.

You Love Your Curvy Wife? Well, I Love My Small Dick Husband

I love this man and his small penis. As a young woman, I was often mocked by my friends for my attraction to guys who weren’t well endowed, ones who bought big lifted trucks and worked out all the time. Ones the average (basic) bitch might refer to as “overcompensating.” Then, as I became a woman and started to educate myself in biology and how the media marginalizes small penis men by portraying a very narrow and specific view of penis standards (thick, tall, straight), I realized how many women have bought into that lie. For me there is nothing sexier than my man: small dick, big truck, and occasional steroid user. His shape won’t be featured on YouPorn (or maybe it will!), but it’s the one featured in my life. There’s nothing sexier to me than a man who knows his shortcoming. This sexy man I married doesn’t really fill every inch of his jeans, but he does fill every inch of my heart. Women, rethink what society has told you that you should desire. A real man is not a porn star! Boys, don’t think you have to fully fill a certain mold to be desired or loved. There is a woman out there who will love you for who you are, exactly as I love my man; a man who is okay with me backhandedly complimenting him on the internet.

Stephen Miller is Your Smug, Gaslighting Tinder Date

Stephen Miller’s exchange with Jim Acosta on Wednesday was horrific, yet familiar.

Women know Stephen Miller. Stephen Miller is that asshole you meet on Tinder, who wants to send you a message so he can let you know your pictures from the Women’s March are really sexist against men. The kind of guy who says, “WELL ACTUALLY,” or, “let me play devil’s advocate here,” before blatantly insulting you and your intelligence. The one who says your name in a way you can almost see the your name in italics (and maybe all caps) coming out of his mouth — over and over. He’s the guy who walks up to you at a bar, hits on you in the most obnoxious manner possible, asks you questions, and proceeds to spin your basic beliefs into a web of bullshit. He’s the smug jerk who pretends to not understand phrases that are commonly used in the vernacular. Instead, he takes every comment you say completely literally, and suggests you are the dumb one for speaking like a human and not a robot. He’s the kind of racist asshole that he makes you out to be a racist monster — and all you said was, “Hey, I think that black lives matter.”

“Well, actually, Manda, it’s pretty racist that you even see race. Manda, why do you have to bring race into it? And that just shows me, Manda, that you are being racist against everyone who isn’t black, and you’re racist against black people, Manda, because you’re acting like they can’t take care of themselves and need a slogan. And, Manda, just to play devil’s advocate, but maybe cops kill black people more because more of them are criminals.” [insert self satisfied smirk]

Clearly, I’ve been tricked into a first date with a Stephen Miller or two. You live, you learn, you more obsessively Google first dates, swipe left more, and life goes on.

Except we can’t just swipe left or abandon our seat at the bar to get rid of him — because insufferable Stephen Miller is a top White House advisor. And life can’t go on for everyone — Miller might have pretended to not understand that Acosta was using hyperbole when he asked if the English requirement meant the US would only admit people from the UK or Australia, but don’t be fooled: that is Stephen Miller’s wet dream.

It’s truly remarkable how many interviews and statements given by or about members of this administration sound frighteningly similar to things sexual harassers or abusers say to women.  If only we had had some kind of clue, indicating how horrible a Trump presidency would be….

 

Maybe if I was Braver, Maybe if I was Stronger: A Comey Rewrite

On January 27th, Donald called me at lunchtime. He invited me to dinner that night, saying he was going to invite my boyfriend too, but decided to have just me this time, with my boyfriend coming next time. It was unclear from the conversation who else would be at the dinner, although I assumed my boss’s boss would only invite me to a dinner with others.

I was wrong. It turned out to be just the two of us. Donald greeted me with a large smile and showed me to my seat, as though this was normal behavior for a boss and his employee. Despite presumably having access to a lot of table settings, two high backed chairs were placed next to each other at an uncomfortably small oval table. Half a dozen white roses were placed in a vase, with a trio candelabra next to it. I couldn’t help but notice how close the petals were to the flame. Other than quickly walking in and out to serve us our food, waiters made themselves scarce.

Donald started by asking me if I wanted to keep my job, which I found strange because I have worked here for years and I also like being able to pay my rent. I assured him that yes, I intended to stay in my position. He said that a lot of people would like to have my job, and he would understand if I wanted to walk away.

My instincts told me that a one-on-one setting meant the dinner was, at least in part, an effort to have me ask to keep my job and create some sort of inappropriate relationship between the two of us. That concerned me greatly. My mind started to race: I wondered when the waiters would return to the room, and where Melania was, and my eyes briefly landed on the candelabra, as I instinctively began to check it for sharp edges.

I replied that I loved my job and intended to stay. And then, because the set-up made me uneasy, I said he could always count on me to tell him the truth.

A few moments later, Donald leaned forward. His voice husky and breathy, he whispered, “I need loyalty.” His eyes dropped from my face, down to my chest, and back up. “I expect….loyalty.”

Time stood still. Panic rose up in me. I could feel every atom in my body shaking; I was on high alert. I willed my cheeks to not turn red, and I mashed on my tongue with my teeth. But I didn’t move, speak, or change my facial expression in any way during the awkward silence that followed. We simply looked at each other in silence. The conversation then moved on, but he returned to the subject near the end of our dinner.

Near the end of the dinner, Donald returned to the subject of my job, saying he was very glad I wanted to stay, adding that he had heard great things about me from my direct boss, his good friend Jeff. He then said, “I need loyalty.” I replied, “You will always get honesty from me.” He paused and then said, “That’s what I want, honest loyalty.” It is possible we understood the phrase “honest loyalty” differently, but I decided it wouldn’t be productive to push it further. The term – honest loyalty- had helped end a very awkward conversation and my explanations had made clear what he should expect.

As I mentioned, Donald was my boss’s boss. I returned from the dinner shaken, and not knowing what else I could do, decided to document my experience in a memo. I hoped that he would not ask any more favors of me, and that I could avoid being alone with him in the future.

Hey, White Women – We DID Vote For Trump!

Like many others, this past weekend I went to the Women’s March on Washington. During the two months of Facebook discussion leading up to the march, I watched as white feminists were introduced to intersectional feminism for the first time. I wasn’t sure how white feminism and intersectionality were going to mesh, but I think that the now viral “White Women Voted for Trump” sign carried around by Angela Peoples was perfect.

In an interview with The Root, Peoples described the response to her sign: “Most [people] were saying ‘Not this white woman,’ or ‘No one I know!'” And it was at that point anger and frustration bubbled up inside me, to the point that I had to take a break from reading for a minute.

“Not this white woman” and “no one I know” are such bullshit things to say. People were bussed in from all over the country to come this event! I live in the blue af DC metro area, and I know dozens of white women that voted for Trump. If no one you know voted for Trump, either people are afraid to be honest with you, or you live in a ridiculously homogenous bubble.

There’s no one weird sect of my white friends that chose Trump; they range from people I went to a small private elementary school with to former University of Maryland classmates. Almost my entire fucking family voted for him! I’m also one of the most vocally pro-BLM white people that I personally know, and I have been flooding my newsfeed with “hands up, don’t shoot” since Ferguson’s unrest, and a countdown to Trump’s reign starting from “Mexicans are rapists.” I’ve written for Cop Block, I write for liberal immigration lawyers, I have ripped apart both criticism of Baltimore’s uprising and praise of O’Malley on local and national platforms. I have lost work contracts and friends over my militantly pro-black, pro-woman opinions. And even with all of this, people still casually tell me they voted for Trump. Not only would it never cross my mind to give a negative response to a sign someone on my side is holding, but come on. If people tell me they voted for Trump, then I know they told other people. “Yup we sure did, and I know a fuck ton of them that I’m trying to work on,” is the most truthful response.

After Freddie Gray died, I gave up a travel heavy contract I had to write a book about the social, racial, and economic history of Baltimore and how these things culminated in the death of Freddie Gray. Because here is the thing: plenty of people who look like me would rather listen to me tell the history of the black experience in Baltimore instead of listening to, you know, black people. I am a white woman, and consequently I still benefit from white privilege.

So white women! Don’t step on people’s toes or put words in their mouth or act like you understand another’s struggle as though you’ve lived, but DO acknowledge that we benefit from the color of our skin. Take time to learn, and then act as a facilitator to help bridge communication between your fellow white feminists and the vast array of other types of feminists that exist. Don’t get distracted or bitter about signs pointing out that white women don’t show up to protest when black women are shot by the police, or by signs that show the actual statistics of who vote for Trump. Those things are accurate, and you don’t get to be salty with someone for delivering an accurate message.

I am here to share facts and data to help people begin to grasp the challenges faced by those who are less privileged than they are. I am NOT here to defend my fellow whites to communities already marginalized by white people. So what if someone thinks I might be a Trump voter because I’m white? Boo. Hoo. Hey, I’m gonna guess it fucking sucks more to have cops think you’re an armed threat just because you’re black.

Let’s not make #NotAllWhiteWomen the new #NotAllMen. White women benefit from white supremacy, and we need to acknowledge that. Otherwise we are just like the guys who think that sexism and the patriarchy are real, but THEY aren’t sexist so they aren’t part of the problem.

Touched by an Angel: Lessons from Mack Major

Are you a single lady? Have you dated a string of asshole men? I have some good news for you: Mack Major is here to give you some solid life advice! Stop being a fucking slut so God can send you a good man, you stupid whore.

When you get the chance today: go home, empty out your favorite drawer (you know the one I’m referring to)

The one full of cash? The one full of favorite underwear? The one I keep my designer denim in?? Please, Mack! Help! I don’t know which drawer.

And throw every last one of your sex toys away.

Wait. What?? I’ve been keeping all the wrong things in dresser drawers. Dammit!

In fact, don’t just trash them: take a hammer and utterly destroy it. Lest you be tempted to retrieve them from the garbage can.

Let’s just take a moment to think about this logically. I can’t say I’ve ever hit a dildo with a hammer, but it seems like you’d really have to swing at it pretty hard. Like look, Mack. Where are we supposed to do this? If I’m swinging my dildo destruction hammer around my kitchen all willy nilly and I bash in my floorboards, can I sue Mack for his lack of direction? What if I don’t have good aim with a hammer? Isn’t a hammer kind of phallic? Am I allowed to hold hammers that don’t belong to my husband?

If you’re storing movies on your computer, take your computer somewhere safe and clean off  your hard drive.

I will consider donating all the money I have to any church if I can have someone explain to me where I can find a “safe space” for porn removal. Also, Mack. Bro. RedTube. YouPorn. Does Mack even know about the internet???

If you have books in your collection that stir up lust and drive you to pleasure yourself, dump those books too.

Let me start with this one: “Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.  I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree;  I will take hold of its fruit.’ May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine,the fragrance of your breath like apples,  and your mouth like the best wine.”

Oh wait. That’s the Bible. Shit.

Anything that causes you to sin is not coming from you alone. You’ve more than likely opened a door in your life to what the old timers would call a spiritual husband. People who come from a voodoo or an old southern hoodoo background know about spirit husbands.

Surely Mack is making a joke here. I’m guessing he’s trying to show how ridiculous it is to not take personal responsibility for your sins, so he’s brining in voodoo to drive that point home. Right??

These are actual spiritual entities that become attached to a woman through ungodly sexual and spiritual activities.

Motherfucker say what???? Is Mack just trolling us??

Spirit husbands won’t share you with any other man. They will however share you with other women (hence the proliferation of lipstick lesbians and bisexuality among females today). But they will drive all decent men from your life, forcing you to remain alone until you die.

The first time I read this, I had to go check and make sure this was a Christian blog. I just checked again — don’t worry, it’s definitely some type of Jesus centric garbage. I guess it’s okay to believe in spirits and voodoo when you’re trying to terrorize young women out of their sexuality. Ladies! Repent or you will be a lipstick lesbian who dies alone — the worst of all our fears. Without men, we cannot be complete!

Many times a spirit husband becomes attached through fooling around with the occult. And yes that includes horoscopes too.

I have no idea who Mack buys his drugs from, but if his dealer is reading this and lives in the DC metroplex…holla at your girl. I want to live life on this level. I don’t even know what the fuck he’s talking about at this point.

Perhaps [your spirit husband] climbed on top of you while you slept at night, causing extreme terror as he squeezed the breath out of you. Somebody reading this knows exactly what I’m referring to.

kesha.gif

YES I DO KNOW.

The only way you can get rid of a spirit husband is…to submit your life to a higher more powerful masculine force: I’m talking about Jesus Christ. Jesus’ name carries major weight in the spiritual realm.

What the fuck is this? The spiritual mafia? “Oh shit son you love Jesus? That guy does not fuck around. Okay I’m out sorry bye.”

Obviously, many rational people would think Mack is a crazy person. But this is the internet, where even the craziest of assholes can find camaraderie online.  You know what they say: read the comments on an article only if you hate yourself and/or have a bottle of wine. Guess what, bitches — I have a full bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, and possibly a vagina ghost from Satan, so here we go: a quick translation of some of the comments on Mack’s hard hitting think piece.

Thank you for exposing this & tackling an issue that not many are brave enough to do!

“Thank you for creating this bullshit bizarre theory, and tackling women’s issues in a way that demeans us and encourages us to be submissive. Your idea that we submit to a higher masculine force is really spot on! Not many are insane enough to publicly share your opinion!”

This is an awesome read, however, Would you agree that their are other demonic factors that can cause this? Could it be generational strong holds & othet sorts, there are many women who don’t play with sex toys yet still aren’t married.

“I’m so desperate to be with someone that I can’t understand it’s off putting that I attribute my singledom to demons. Also where do I buy these drawers full of sex toys?”

Yes they might have been sold out to spirit husband ,which has married the females children born to the family it goes from generation to generation, it’s even causes marital turbulence, cause miscarriage ,broken homes

“Either I do not understand what ‘miscarriage’ means, or I do not understand how things are inherited from generation to generation. Also, spraying Sprite up my uterus is a good form of birth control, right?”

Wow. Very good read and in light of all the women that I can sense if they’ve been reading fifty shades there is definitely something spiritual going on.

“I masturbate on public transportation while attempting to make eye contact with women holding paperback copies of 50 Shades of Gray. I’m glad to see you agree those sluts deserve it.”

Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum

Bad news, bitches: we’ve all been doing drinking wrong. As in we’ve been doing it, and we shouldn’t be. At this point, I assume everyone has seen the CDC’s handy little infographic that alerts women to the dangers of drinking — but just in case, here it is:

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Say what you will about this, I find the suggestion that drinking too much can cause women to become violent particularly helpful. Drunk women are always just being so aggressive and violent! Like, way more than men! It’s about time someone pointed that out!

Honestly, I’m a little baffled by the notion that alcohol causes pregnancy and fertility problems. Is the number one fertility problem caused by alcohol immaculate conception, or is the CDC suggesting that women are to blame if they are raped while drunk? Most likely it’s that drunk women are prone to be violent aggressors who will rape men. I’m so glad the CDC is here to put a stop to that.

And isn’t it enough that I am already totally shafted in the workplace and life in general by not being a man? Now I have to learn that men can drink without risk of being violent, getting STDS, unintentionally knocking someone up, or getting heart disease or cancer? I mean what the fuck. Why did the CDC wait so long to alert us to the fact that women obviously metabolize alcohol in a much more dangerous way than men?

I really need a man to explain this to me. Like, I don’t ever want to be pregnant. So should I drink more so I have fertility problems? Or should I drink less so I don’t accidentally get pregnant? Do I still have access to abortion clinics, or is “unintended pregnancy” now an incurable disease?

Maybe it’s time we really reconsidered how we behave when we’re out. Do you know how many men have bought me a drink in a bar? A fucking ton of them. Do you know how many of them have asked to touch the Implanon stick in my arm before allowing me to drink their beverage? None! When will society change? When will men step up to the plate and take responsibility, and make sure that women of child bearing age are not drinking if they can’t prove they are on birth control? Will our next GOP President please create a law requiring proof of birth control in bars?

For whatever reason, the CDC took this image down. I don’t really know why, I think it’s great. Hopefully they are just working hard so they can re-release it with better suggestions. Honestly, let’s just go ahead and determine that women of childbearing age are that way because they are supposed to have children — so ban drinking for anyone 21-35 until they’ve had at least 2 kids. No more Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, no more violent drunks!

Maryland Police Reform: More Than Prosecuting Freddie Gray’s Killers

In the aftermath of the April protests, the Maryland General Assembly created the Public Safety and Policing Workgroup. The work group has been meeting since June, and the theme seems to be disconnect between government and people — whether it’s cops and citizens or delegates and constituents.

The MGA’s take place in Annapolis, MD – over 30 miles from Sandtown-Winchester. It’s a 40 minute drive or 2-3 hours on the extremely limited public transit that connect the two regions. During the first meeting, I heard some lip service about having meetings in different regions of the state, but the published schedule has always shown the meetings will all be in Annapolis.

The General Assembly’s reform group is composed entirely of lawmakers — a decision that, in my opinion, severely limits their capability of understanding of what’s going on. Senator Catherine Pugh responded to criticism that the group is made up entirely of lawmakers by saying, “this is not a commission. This is legislators looking at potential legislation we can put in place.” If a commission is what it takes for more citizen involvement, then maybe that’s exactly what the group should have been. 

During the course of the MGA’s dog and pony show, I have attended town hall meetings in Baltimore — for the death of Tyrone West, for the investigation the DOJ is conducting in the city. The faces I see at these meetings are not the same faces I see at the General Assembly. Where are these lawmakers who have been tasked with police reform? For reasons that cannot be explained, Delegate Jill Carter was left off the roster — yet she is the most active on the topic of reform. Delegate Carter has spent weekends running meetings that introduce citizens to the DOJ members tasked with auditing Baltimore. She is respected and recognized among those that most need to get their stories heard…yet she was not offered a spot in the group. Without her presence, it is hard for me take the work group seriously. 

Maryland is home to one of the most extreme Law Enforcement Officers Bill of Rights; it has a lot of provisions that protect cops when perhaps they shouldn’t be protected. For instance, the hearing board that determines if action should be taken against an officer is composed of fellow officers. One police representative informed us that police work is highly specialized and cops are highly trained. Because of this, the LEOBOR provision that police should be the ones to judge other police is acceptable. “Who should judge us? Plumbers? Electricians?” I guess his highly specialized training didn’t cover what a jury is.

During another police Q&A session, police from all over the state explained their hiring practices and requirements. In all jurisdictions, using marijuana more than five times over the age of 21 permanently disqualifies someone for police service. One delegate asked a young representative from the Maryland State Police if this was practical; the police say they would prefer to have college graduates on the force, and marijuana has been decriminalized in Maryland. The officer replied that “these disqualifying factors are disqualifying factors for good reason….they need to understand their actions do have consequences.” There you have it – the mindset is so strong in the police force that the public electing to decriminalize an activity cannot make the cops change their minds.

I saw a lot of people express confusion about the protests that happened last week in front of the courthouse as we waited to see what if Judge Williams would dismiss the charges against the officers who killed Freddie Gray. “Aren’t they getting what they want?” people asked. Well, yes and no. We have a very long way to go before we’re getting what we want — this is bigger than one case. As we move toward Thursday, understand we are worried about more than a change of venue. We’re worried about the system that has been put in place to “fix” the problems.

I guess as long as the MD State Troopers are giving out recruitment brochures when you're pulled over, we have problems.

I guess as long as the MD State Troopers are giving out recruitment brochures when you’re pulled over, we have problems.