You Took Him to Prom, but I Will Have Him to the Grave

High school is the best time of your life. You think your friends will actually be your friends forever, and you think you’ll marry the amazing man you’re dating your senior year. For some people, that might be the case. But for the rest of us, adulthood ends up being mediocre. Your friends don’t get […]

A Collection of My Favorite Reactions to the Removal of Confederate Monuments

They took down all the Confederate statues in Baltimore, and according to some people, it’s like they’ve totally re-written history! Without being able to see monuments to the Confederacy, I’ve already started to forget what the Civil War was…and it’s only been 10 hours! A true Soros funded conspiracy. Anyway. Let’s dive in. . #Outnumbered wiping […]

You Love Your Curvy Wife? Well, I Love My Small Dick Husband

I love this man and his small penis. As a young woman, I was often mocked by my friends for my attraction to guys who weren’t well endowed, ones who bought big lifted trucks and worked out all the time. Ones the average (basic) bitch might refer to as “overcompensating.” Then, as I became a […]

Stephen Miller is Your Smug, Gaslighting Tinder Date

Stephen Miller’s exchange with Jim Acosta on Wednesday was horrific, yet familiar. Women know Stephen Miller. Stephen Miller is that asshole you meet on Tinder, who wants to send you a message so he can let you know your pictures from the Women’s March are really sexist against men. The kind of guy who says, […]

Maybe if I was Braver, Maybe if I was Stronger: A Comey Rewrite

On January 27th, Donald called me at lunchtime. He invited me to dinner that night, saying he was going to invite my boyfriend too, but decided to have just me this time, with my boyfriend coming next time. It was unclear from the conversation who else would be at the dinner, although I assumed my […]