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Touched by an Angel: Lessons from Mack Major

Are you a single lady? Have you dated a string of asshole men? I have some good news for you: Mack Major is here to give you some solid life advice! Stop being a fucking slut so God can send you a good man, you stupid whore.

When you get the chance today: go home, empty out your favorite drawer (you know the one I’m referring to)

The one full of cash? The one full of favorite underwear? The one I keep my designer denim in?? Please, Mack! Help! I don’t know which drawer.

And throw every last one of your sex toys away.

Wait. What?? I’ve been keeping all the wrong things in dresser drawers. Dammit!

In fact, don’t just trash them: take a hammer and utterly destroy it. Lest you be tempted to retrieve them from the garbage can.

Let’s just take a moment to think about this logically. I can’t say I’ve ever hit a dildo with a hammer, but it seems like you’d really have to swing at it pretty hard. Like look, Mack. Where are we supposed to do this? If I’m swinging my dildo destruction hammer around my kitchen all willy nilly and I bash in my floorboards, can I sue Mack for his lack of direction? What if I don’t have good aim with a hammer? Isn’t a hammer kind of phallic? Am I allowed to hold hammers that don’t belong to my husband?

If you’re storing movies on your computer, take your computer somewhere safe and clean off  your hard drive.

I will consider donating all the money I have to any church if I can have someone explain to me where I can find a “safe space” for porn removal. Also, Mack. Bro. RedTube. YouPorn. Does Mack even know about the internet???

If you have books in your collection that stir up lust and drive you to pleasure yourself, dump those books too.

Let me start with this one: “Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.  I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree;  I will take hold of its fruit.’ May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine,the fragrance of your breath like apples,  and your mouth like the best wine.”

Oh wait. That’s the Bible. Shit.

Anything that causes you to sin is not coming from you alone. You’ve more than likely opened a door in your life to what the old timers would call a spiritual husband. People who come from a voodoo or an old southern hoodoo background know about spirit husbands.

Surely Mack is making a joke here. I’m guessing he’s trying to show how ridiculous it is to not take personal responsibility for your sins, so he’s brining in voodoo to drive that point home. Right??

These are actual spiritual entities that become attached to a woman through ungodly sexual and spiritual activities.

Motherfucker say what???? Is Mack just trolling us??

Spirit husbands won’t share you with any other man. They will however share you with other women (hence the proliferation of lipstick lesbians and bisexuality among females today). But they will drive all decent men from your life, forcing you to remain alone until you die.

The first time I read this, I had to go check and make sure this was a Christian blog. I just checked again — don’t worry, it’s definitely some type of Jesus centric garbage. I guess it’s okay to believe in spirits and voodoo when you’re trying to terrorize young women out of their sexuality. Ladies! Repent or you will be a lipstick lesbian who dies alone — the worst of all our fears. Without men, we cannot be complete!

Many times a spirit husband becomes attached through fooling around with the occult. And yes that includes horoscopes too.

I have no idea who Mack buys his drugs from, but if his dealer is reading this and lives in the DC metroplex…holla at your girl. I want to live life on this level. I don’t even know what the fuck he’s talking about at this point.

Perhaps [your spirit husband] climbed on top of you while you slept at night, causing extreme terror as he squeezed the breath out of you. Somebody reading this knows exactly what I’m referring to.

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YES I DO KNOW.

The only way you can get rid of a spirit husband is…to submit your life to a higher more powerful masculine force: I’m talking about Jesus Christ. Jesus’ name carries major weight in the spiritual realm.

What the fuck is this? The spiritual mafia? “Oh shit son you love Jesus? That guy does not fuck around. Okay I’m out sorry bye.”

Obviously, many rational people would think Mack is a crazy person. But this is the internet, where even the craziest of assholes can find camaraderie online.  You know what they say: read the comments on an article only if you hate yourself and/or have a bottle of wine. Guess what, bitches — I have a full bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, and possibly a vagina ghost from Satan, so here we go: a quick translation of some of the comments on Mack’s hard hitting think piece.

Thank you for exposing this & tackling an issue that not many are brave enough to do!

“Thank you for creating this bullshit bizarre theory, and tackling women’s issues in a way that demeans us and encourages us to be submissive. Your idea that we submit to a higher masculine force is really spot on! Not many are insane enough to publicly share your opinion!”

This is an awesome read, however, Would you agree that their are other demonic factors that can cause this? Could it be generational strong holds & othet sorts, there are many women who don’t play with sex toys yet still aren’t married.

“I’m so desperate to be with someone that I can’t understand it’s off putting that I attribute my singledom to demons. Also where do I buy these drawers full of sex toys?”

Yes they might have been sold out to spirit husband ,which has married the females children born to the family it goes from generation to generation, it’s even causes marital turbulence, cause miscarriage ,broken homes

“Either I do not understand what ‘miscarriage’ means, or I do not understand how things are inherited from generation to generation. Also, spraying Sprite up my uterus is a good form of birth control, right?”

Wow. Very good read and in light of all the women that I can sense if they’ve been reading fifty shades there is definitely something spiritual going on.

“I masturbate on public transportation while attempting to make eye contact with women holding paperback copies of 50 Shades of Gray. I’m glad to see you agree those sluts deserve it.”

Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum

Bad news, bitches: we’ve all been doing drinking wrong. As in we’ve been doing it, and we shouldn’t be. At this point, I assume everyone has seen the CDC’s handy little infographic that alerts women to the dangers of drinking — but just in case, here it is:

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Say what you will about this, I find the suggestion that drinking too much can cause women to become violent particularly helpful. Drunk women are always just being so aggressive and violent! Like, way more than men! It’s about time someone pointed that out!

Honestly, I’m a little baffled by the notion that alcohol causes pregnancy and fertility problems. Is the number one fertility problem caused by alcohol immaculate conception, or is the CDC suggesting that women are to blame if they are raped while drunk? Most likely it’s that drunk women are prone to be violent aggressors who will rape men. I’m so glad the CDC is here to put a stop to that.

And isn’t it enough that I am already totally shafted in the workplace and life in general by not being a man? Now I have to learn that men can drink without risk of being violent, getting STDS, unintentionally knocking someone up, or getting heart disease or cancer? I mean what the fuck. Why did the CDC wait so long to alert us to the fact that women obviously metabolize alcohol in a much more dangerous way than men?

I really need a man to explain this to me. Like, I don’t ever want to be pregnant. So should I drink more so I have fertility problems? Or should I drink less so I don’t accidentally get pregnant? Do I still have access to abortion clinics, or is “unintended pregnancy” now an incurable disease?

Maybe it’s time we really reconsidered how we behave when we’re out. Do you know how many men have bought me a drink in a bar? A fucking ton of them. Do you know how many of them have asked to touch the Implanon stick in my arm before allowing me to drink their beverage? None! When will society change? When will men step up to the plate and take responsibility, and make sure that women of child bearing age are not drinking if they can’t prove they are on birth control? Will our next GOP President please create a law requiring proof of birth control in bars?

For whatever reason, the CDC took this image down. I don’t really know why, I think it’s great. Hopefully they are just working hard so they can re-release it with better suggestions. Honestly, let’s just go ahead and determine that women of childbearing age are that way because they are supposed to have children — so ban drinking for anyone 21-35 until they’ve had at least 2 kids. No more Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, no more violent drunks!

Maryland Police Reform: More Than Prosecuting Freddie Gray’s Killers

In the aftermath of the April protests, the Maryland General Assembly created the Public Safety and Policing Workgroup. The work group has been meeting since June, and the theme seems to be disconnect between government and people — whether it’s cops and citizens or delegates and constituents.

The MGA’s take place in Annapolis, MD – over 30 miles from Sandtown-Winchester. It’s a 40 minute drive or 2-3 hours on the extremely limited public transit that connect the two regions. During the first meeting, I heard some lip service about having meetings in different regions of the state, but the published schedule has always shown the meetings will all be in Annapolis.

The General Assembly’s reform group is composed entirely of lawmakers — a decision that, in my opinion, severely limits their capability of understanding of what’s going on. Senator Catherine Pugh responded to criticism that the group is made up entirely of lawmakers by saying, “this is not a commission. This is legislators looking at potential legislation we can put in place.” If a commission is what it takes for more citizen involvement, then maybe that’s exactly what the group should have been. 

During the course of the MGA’s dog and pony show, I have attended town hall meetings in Baltimore — for the death of Tyrone West, for the investigation the DOJ is conducting in the city. The faces I see at these meetings are not the same faces I see at the General Assembly. Where are these lawmakers who have been tasked with police reform? For reasons that cannot be explained, Delegate Jill Carter was left off the roster — yet she is the most active on the topic of reform. Delegate Carter has spent weekends running meetings that introduce citizens to the DOJ members tasked with auditing Baltimore. She is respected and recognized among those that most need to get their stories heard…yet she was not offered a spot in the group. Without her presence, it is hard for me take the work group seriously. 

Maryland is home to one of the most extreme Law Enforcement Officers Bill of Rights; it has a lot of provisions that protect cops when perhaps they shouldn’t be protected. For instance, the hearing board that determines if action should be taken against an officer is composed of fellow officers. One police representative informed us that police work is highly specialized and cops are highly trained. Because of this, the LEOBOR provision that police should be the ones to judge other police is acceptable. “Who should judge us? Plumbers? Electricians?” I guess his highly specialized training didn’t cover what a jury is.

During another police Q&A session, police from all over the state explained their hiring practices and requirements. In all jurisdictions, using marijuana more than five times over the age of 21 permanently disqualifies someone for police service. One delegate asked a young representative from the Maryland State Police if this was practical; the police say they would prefer to have college graduates on the force, and marijuana has been decriminalized in Maryland. The officer replied that “these disqualifying factors are disqualifying factors for good reason….they need to understand their actions do have consequences.” There you have it – the mindset is so strong in the police force that the public electing to decriminalize an activity cannot make the cops change their minds.

I saw a lot of people express confusion about the protests that happened last week in front of the courthouse as we waited to see what if Judge Williams would dismiss the charges against the officers who killed Freddie Gray. “Aren’t they getting what they want?” people asked. Well, yes and no. We have a very long way to go before we’re getting what we want — this is bigger than one case. As we move toward Thursday, understand we are worried about more than a change of venue. We’re worried about the system that has been put in place to “fix” the problems.

I guess as long as the MD State Troopers are giving out recruitment brochures when you're pulled over, we have problems.
I guess as long as the MD State Troopers are giving out recruitment brochures when you’re pulled over, we have problems.

I’d Rather be Dead Than Pregnant….

…and there are legitimate candidates for President who’d rather I be dead than aborting!

Gosh, nothing puts me in a better mood than watching 10 guys on a stage try to out-brag each other about how  much they hate women’s rights. What a blast the GOP debate was, with each contestant trying to demonstrate his regime had done more to harm Planned Parenthood. What a thrill ride!

There are so many problems I barely even know where to start.

First, we have the conservative idea that government should play a minimal role in our lives — and as a libertarian, I completely agree! That being said, this isn’t the way to do it. The funding that Planned Parenthood receives is more or less minuscule in the grand scheme of things. I can’t speak for all of us, but a large part of what made me begin to identify as libertarian was the stance that once we cut back on taxes and overbearing government red tape, people who can help out will help out.  Cutting something that receives such a tiny amount of the budget (whether at the state or local level) doesn’t translate to people seeing the benefit in their pocketbooks and take home pay; in turn, that doesn’t translate to people having extra money to donate.

I’m not saying the idea to take federal funding out of social welfare programs is wrong; I’m saying the order in which programs are being de-funded is reprehensible. $528 million to subsidize Planned Parenthood in their 2013-2014 fiscal year isn’t so bad when you consider $146 million went to building fucking sports stadiums (which doesn’t help the economy, sorry) or that $3 billion went to testing golf clubs and conducting elementary school experiments in space. So why are we really crying about women’s health services?

Then there’s the whole abortion debacle. The fact that abortion is still a political issue completely blows my mind, yet there stood crazy ass Huckabee, telling us that a fetus needs the same rights as US citizens –I thought you had to be born or naturalized to be a US citizen, but what the fuck do I know? I’m just a woman who was actually born in the US, no need for me to have rights.  

Of course, Trump was there to add his meaningful opinion on abortion. He said knew someone who almost got aborted but is now “a superstar.” What the fuck are you even talking about? Not only does that sound suspiciously like the nonsense Christian rhetoric of “what if Jesus [Christ, Superstar] was aborted?” it also isn’t relevant. Does everyone who knew Jeffrey Dahmer now have an ace in the hole argument for mandatory abortions?!

I’ve written before about how I don’t want kids, but I want to be pretty clear: that isn’t a passive feeling that will be overcome by the grace . I mean if I get knocked up, the parasitic clump of cells WILL be disposed of. Just will it be under the eye of a doctor or on the steps of congress as I stab my uterus until I die?

I can afford to go to another state or fly to Canada, and the idea of bullshit waiting period laws keeping me from being able to immediately get an abortion terrifies me. No, I don’t want to be forced to see the fetus on the screen — not because it’ll make me emotional and change my mind, but because the idea of something growing in me makes me feel physically ill if I think about it too long.

If I have the resources for a round trip international flight and private doctor visit to terminate a pregnancy and I’m still stressed out, I can’t imagine making barely enough to put food in my mouth and needing to drive 13 hours each direction for an abortion with a waiting period.

What disappoints me with the anti-choice crowd is that I go out of my way to talk about the steps I would personally take to abort a child. I would 100% kill myself, and I am not suicidal. Tokophobia and depression are *real* — fucking acknowledge it. I first started talking about sterilization at 18! There are people who DO NOT want kids, who will go through any length to not have them, but it seems like the candidates on stage last night want to keep on pretending only irresponsible teenagers and hookers get abortions. They want to hear “rah rah every kid gets a chance, life is precious.” They don’t want to hear about the expectant mothers of unwanted children are depressed and miserable, about the expectant parents of unwanted children who face financial destruction. So fuck them all. 

CNN

As I’m sure many of you are aware, I was on CNN earlier today. The response has been a little overwhelming, but I’m working on writing about it. If you’ve reached out to me, I promise I will respond — just give me some time. I’ve seen some backlash because I don’t talk about cops who die in the line of duty. Here’s the thing….everyone has their focus. My focus is checks and balances for the police. This encompasses police brutality, police terror, the war on drugs, etc. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for accountability of government employees. To get to the root of the problem we need to look at places like West Baltimore and see how people are living and what is making them vulnerable to abuses by those who are paid to protect and serve. If your focus is on protecting police lives, that’s okay too. Maybe your focus is your career. Maybe it’s tax reform. At the end of the day, you can’t expect people to fight every battle.  You have to pick the ones that speak to you, and I picked mine a long time ago.

I’m a strong believer in Libertarian ideals, but the only way we can get the Libertarian philosophy to work is by being active. And so I’m here, and I’ll keep fighting.

Please check out the 300 Men March — they’re Baltimore’s anti-violence group that I refer to in my interview.

Videos From Baltimore

On April 30th, Joseph Kent talked to the crowd about his first arrest — the one that was live on TV.

Remember Kwame Rose, the protestor that got into an argument with Geraldo on the 28th? On Thursday he had round 2 with Geraldo’s security. I watched Geraldo see him, instigate a fight, and then vanish.

After Mosby announced the officers responsible for the death of Freddie Gray would be charged, the area around the Penn North Station was a celebration for the rest of the day. This ranges from 2:30 to 9:45…and the chanting at the end quickly became “we young, we strong, we marching all night long.”

This is Baltimore

Today at Penn North is a lot different than Tuesday.

** Since I originally posted this, I was (very briefly) interviewed on CNN to discuss how I feel about the first picture  and I have composed my thoughts in a blog entry— basically, not happy. Obviously I’d love if you read my thoughts, but let me sum up the problem by saying I’m a white girl from DC who is invited to go on national news programs to discuss life in West Balto. **

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Baltimore, Joseph Kent, and Peaceful Protests

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Baltimoreans love Baltimore like Texans love Texas. Maybe more. And everyone loves the birds — Canton, Sandtown, Fed Hill, it doesn’t matter…tourists, if you walk around in a Ravens or Orioles hat, at least one person will stop you to tell you how we’re gonna win it all this year. They’ll assume you’re at least semi-local, even if you stick out in whatever district you’re in. If watching the news has made you doubt the love people feel for Baltimore, just stop. There are a lot of problems in Baltimore, and I’ll write about them later. But this post is about my experiences walking around Balto yesterday.

When you come into Baltimore from the 295, the first thing you really see are the Ravens and Orioles stadiums. After you pass the stadiums you can make a right hand turn and go to the Inner Harbor, or go straight and left and end up in West Baltimore. I went right, and this is what I saw:

The parking lots for the stadiums are being used as camps, complete with medic tents. Restaurants and stores were closed indefinitely (though it appears many things opened today). Did anyone else notice how last night the news anchors asked where the National Guard was when it was after curfew? Now you know – they were busy protecting the wealthy and touristy areas.

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Then we backtracked over to Penn-North. We got caught up in a peaceful march before we hit the now famous intersection, so we left the car and joined them. The intersection was packed – it honestly reminded me of a festival. People were holding hands and praying, others were singing, some were playing drums. There were some arguments but none of them turned violent (even the ones condoning the rioting), and people would hug each other after talking it out. It was everything a peaceful protest should be, and it was very much a celebration of shared love and pride in the city, and it was beautiful.

Especially interesting to watch was an argument with one person saying rioting was okay, since the businesses weren’t black owned and there should be a focus on using business that are black owned or that pay black employees well (my favorite quote: “No one WANTS to work at CVS and make $8. They HAVE to. And that’s all we have.”). While I don’t support physically destroying other businesses, I agree with his point. Why patronize the places that pay you and your friends absolute shit just because they can? He kept explaining himself, but kept condoning the riots instead of community boycott. While his argument was with one woman, other people kept stepping in. One girl pointed out she lived here, but worked in a bar across town. Now she’s making $0, because the bars are closed. Another pointed out that now people can’t eat because they can’t find places that are selling food. Perhaps the pro-riot guy just wanted to end the conversation, but I watched him be tripped up their points. He seemed to relent, and the once heated argument ended in a hug with both parties agreeing they just want to improve their neighborhood.

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The other side of the blockade was at North and Carey, and it was definitely a different vibe. The police were lined up, and over here they had bearcats in between the riot police. Other than me, my friend, and a couple members of foreign media it was relatively empty. The only other people were those who lived in the neighborhood doing their daily business like walking their dogs or trying to find somewhere open to buy food. This end of the blockade was definitely more tense — at one point during the day, some people threw some bottles and tried to throw a trash can at police. Certainly nothing crazy or rioting, but I was still thankful when it was quickly shut down by other people.

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I stayed at North and Carey until about 9 pm. For almost the entire time I was there, an activist named Joseph Kent was standing in front of the cops. He moved cones and helped their food delivery trucks back in, he acted as a liaison with angry community members. We talked to him a bit, and he told us about his experiences in Ferguson and how it’s different now that it’s in his own hometown. I personally guarantee you every single officer knew who he was. There wasn’t much going on at our end, and the cops were asking to pet people’s dogs and talking baseball with civilians. They were bored. They had nothing to focus on. Joseph Kent was not a blip on their radar as they anxiously did important things. No, they mostly stared slack jawed straight ahead, and he was there. So tell me why at 6:39 they were sharing their water bottles with him, and at 10:39 they weren’t just arresting him, but blocking the media from filming it as they threw him in the vehicle. Yes, I understand he was violating curfew — but was that necessary? No. He has since obtained a lawyer who will be giving a press conference tonight.

Other than the Kent arrest (which obviously happened after I was gone), I didn’t see much that alarmed me. If you live nearby, please go. Go have a crabcake at Faidley’s (because Lexington Market was a ghost town when I got lunch), go buy some groceries in the city and drop off some food for those who can’t get groceries, go eat lunch out and leave a big tip since so many folks who work in restaurants will be losing money this week.

Purvi Patel, A Modern Witch Hunt

I waited until today to write about the horrifying case of Purvi Patel, who has been sentenced to 20 years for a miscarriage. I guess I hoped that it was all a big April Fool’s Day prank, and not something that actually happened in the United States of America. Patel bought abortion inducing drugs online (which is illegal) and sent text messages to a friend indicating she had taken them. While her toxicology report came back clean, it turns out there isn’t a test for these specific drugs so that’s up in the air. She says when the fetus was born it was already dead, and she panicked and threw it in a dumpster and went to the ER.

Feticide, the crime that Purvi was charged with, was apparently originally put on the books as a way to protect pregnant women. Since lawmakers apparently aren’t allowed to be critical thinkers, no one ever suspected that it might end up being used against pregnant women. 

Feticide
    Sec. 6. A person who knowingly or intentionally terminates a human pregnancy with an intention other than to produce a live birth or to remove a dead fetus commits feticide, a Level 3 felony.

The prosecution used 17th century technology called a “lung test” to see if the fetus had taken a breath (making it a baby). Their cutting edge test “proved” that the fetus wasn’t stillborn, but was actually a baby — of course, this test was proved to be unreliable and complete bull shit about 100 years ago, but who needs science or facts when we’re discussing a fetus? Personally, I’m not one to let reality stand in my way of criminalizing women who don’t want their uterus to be occupied.

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Also a float test

Patel isn’t the first woman to be charged with feticide (though she is the first to be convicted). Bei Bei Shuai tried to kill herself with rat poison soon after her boyfriend left her and their unborn child. 33 weeks after conception, her attempted suicide resulted in a miscarriage — and she was charged with feticide. When Bei Bei’s case went to court, people were concerned that it could result in the government going after women who had miscarriages. I find it shocking that so many people act like women’s rights activists are exaggerating the danger at hand, even when they’re spoon fed evidence like this case.

At what point does a woman lose the right to have legal control over her own body? I’d like to think it isn’t at 25 weeks, or even 33. We live in a society that both disallows sterilization of young women, and takes away your rights once you become pregnant. We discourage drug addicts from getting abortions, and then we punish them for not being magically cured of their addiction while pregnant. We expect that being a mother will cheer up depressed women, and then we penalize them when they try to end their lives. We picket Planned Parenthood and shame women for taking control of themselves, and we don’t do a goddamn thing about the unwanted babies that are born — except, apparently, lock up their moms.

In my brief career waiting tables, I was told that we had to serve alcohol to pregnant women, and that it was illegal discrimination if we didn’t. Our managers told us that they would take the drinks out for us if we were uncomfortable doing so, and it was stressed so much that I felt like there must have recently been some kind of incident. So on one hand, we recognize it’s discrimination to treat pregnant women differently, and  bartenders have to give a visibly pregnant lady a shot of Everclear or potentially face a lawsuit; on the other, consumption of said Everclear could result in 20 years in prison for the pregnant woman. What the fuck kind of logic is this? 

People wonder why I want to be sterilized, and it doesn’t even cross their minds that I don’t want to accidentally become state property.

50 Shades of Shit, Part One: Ana Wrecks Your Life

I know I’m late to the party, but I’ve decided I can’t not write about 50 Shades of Grey. I feel like everything that needs to be said has been discussed, yet this book is now a record setting film. So I guess I’m wrong, which is unfortunate since this is one of the few books I’ve read that causes me to hate every single character and the author. If you haven’t read the books, here’s a very brief rundown: Shy, virginal Ana meets hunky BDSM-loving billionaire Christian Grey. He takes her V-card, shows her his torture chamber of love, beats her, gets dumped, gets back together, wacky hi jinx ensue. They get married and go on a miserable sounding honeymoon where he leaves bruises over her body because she was topless tanning in the south of France.  Meanwhile, he used to be raped by his mom’s friend and now owns a hair salon with her, his old Sub tries to kill Ana, and Christian’s brother dates Ana’s best friend, Kate. Sound stupid? Yes, because it is. There is no real plot.

Actual book quote: "Oh my. My whole body tightens at the thought. Piano. Wow."
Actual book quote: “Oh my. My whole body tightens at the thought. Piano. Wow.”

There are many problems with the 50 Shades series: shitty writing, an abusive hero (Christian Grey), a heroine (Ana Steele Grey) that seems like a huge bitch, characters named after eating disorders, closeted racism and homophobia, and not so closeted classism. I’m going to focus on the abuse. Let’s go ahead and get this out of the way: my argument is not that consensual BDSM is abusive. My argument is that Christian Grey is a temperamental, emotional, and manipulative asshole with a violent past. You can draw your own conclusions as to whether or not the virginal Ana is able to make a free of mind choice to participate in something she repeatedly says she doesn’t like.


Ana wrecks your life!

I feel like most people know a guy that’s like Christian Grey. You can sometimes identify a Christian by the crying girl that is often with him — the girl you probably call crazy, the one who seems to not have any friends (since she isn’t allowed).  Guys like Christian do their damnedest to be the best and worst thing to ever happen to a girl, creating an emotional roller coaster (if roller coasters are portals to hell). Throughout all 3 books, Christian repeatedly pushes Ana to her limits, then gives her a peek of the “nice guy” within, or his tortured soul, making her feel like she’s responsible for his outbursts. Over and over she expresses sentiments like, “I didn’t ask him to come get me. Somehow I’ve been made to feel the villain in this piece,” and “Why am I feeling guilty? Why is he so mad?” If you often find yourself wondering these things in your relationship, please seek help. You might feel crazy, but you aren’t — he is.

Ah, not creepy at all
Ah, not creepy at all

Not only does Christian fuck with Ana’s mind and make her feel responsible for anything in the world  that could irritate Christian, he also makes sure to drive giant wedges between her and her friends and family. She’s not allowed to be around boys, because obviously she cannot be trusted. Her best friend, Kate,  is a bad influence because she has the audacity to question Christian’s intentions (even though in the first book, almost every time Kate sees Ana after Ana has been around Christian, she is crying). When Ana doesn’t want Christian to come to her graduation, he shows up and meets her stepdad. And, most disturbingly (to me), when Ana tells Christian she needs some space and flies to Georgia to visit her mother…Christian flies out and stays at the same hotel and gives her exactly zero space or time to spend alone with her mother. In the second book, Christian flies back from halfway around the world because Ana and her best female friend go out for a drink together and he forbid her from leaving the house. By book three (the book the champions of the series claim show Ana as “taking the power back”), Christian is selecting Ana’s friends (spoiler alert: no boys) by surprising her with group vacations and picking the guest list himself. Hey, guess what! If you have a friend you used to be close with, but now she dates this guy and she cries a lot and never hangs out with you because of him, she’s probably in an abusive relationship.

This is going on longer than I thought, so I’m going to break it up into parts. Maybe for Part 2 I can include a mix of quotes from serial killers  and Christian Grey, and we can play a game where you guess who said what!

Let me know if you saw the movie and if you think I should see it too! Also, please check out my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can subscribe to my blog here