Category Archives: Guns

If You Give a Cop an Assault Rifle, He’s Going to Ask for a Tank

…when you give him the tank, he’ll probably take your city hostage.

(Photo on right: Scott Olson Getty Images)
One of these photos shows a peaceful protest, the other shows a riot worthy of tear gas and rubber bullets. Go figure. (Photo on right: Scott Olson Getty Images)

Last night two reporters were arrested in Ferguson, MO; one from the Huffington Post and one from the Washington Post.  It’s a really, really big deal — not that the blatant crimes against the people of Ferguson aren’t already a big deal.

Journalists aren’t better than other people, but of course journalists being arrested will make headlines. Freedom of the press is pretty valued in the US, and these reporters have resources and a following much greater than the average person. If the police are willing to do this to someone with a well established media platform, it highlights that they don’t care about any sort of checks and balances.


About 85% of the world’s population live in countries that don’t protect press freedom. Places like Pakistan and North Korea completely shut out foreign reporters and block websites on a national scale. That’s terrifying.  Can you imagine living that way?

By arresting members of the press who have large scale media platforms backing them, who have more Twitter followers than you or I likely ever will, who have resources and funding behind them — the Ferguson police have showed they give exactly zero fucks about anyone or any potential consequences. How can average Joe expect to be treated? Journalists aren’t better than other people, but traditionally they are protected and they  are better equipped to share their story. Is the PD even thinking at this point, or are they just doing whatever the fuck they want?

So many people say they exercise their right to bear arms as a way to go up against the government if it is ever necessary. These are the people who came out to Bundy’s ranch. Remember him? Groups of people and private militias went to his place to make sure he wouldn’t have to pay taxes to the BLM (which is totally a bullshit govt department, to be sure) for letting his cattle graze on “their” land. Okay, fine. Soooo…where are these private militias now? Oooh, that’s right. Armed white people are a protest. Unarmed black people are a riot.

We’ve let the police become a militia. We’ve let them arrest our children and destroy their lives for things as simple as smoking pot. We’ve sat quietly by as they received military grade weapons in return for these heroic acts. Now is the time to stop supporting this, to understand how the system works and why it’s being done wrong.

Any area that has a population that is primarily black and only has 3 black police officers should be considered suspect from the get go.


Can You Help My AK Pick a Filter? I Don’t Know if I Should Go With XX Pro or Valencia. Also, Target Pretends to Care about Guns

Look, I support your right to have a gun. I even support your right to open carry your gun. But I do not support you in your endeavor to be a complete and total asshole. Remember back in May, when those open carry assholes decided that instead of Instagramming pictures of their burritos at Chipotle, they’d rather IG pictures of themselves holding assault rifles at Chipotle? What you probably don’t remember is all of the normal, sane people who elect to open carry in Arizona and don’t cause a general ruckus. Mostly because they, you know, don’t violate the law and jeopardize a business’s licensing just to make their point.


Now Target has decided to request their customers do not bring guns into their stores, even in states that allow open carry. Um, are the open carry people who bring their assault rifles into places like Starbucks and Target actually anti-gun people who are doing their best to make gun laws as restrictive as possible? Because they’re doing a bang up job convincing people that they’re insane. Fortunately, Open Carry Texas (whose work at appropriate places, like the Alamo, I respected), made a Facebook response to Target to clear up how they feel. Texas OC clarifies that they won’t stoop so low as to interfere with or infringe upon the rights of a private corporation; they even bring up their MONTHS LONG policy of not acting like a bunch of dipshits carrying weapons into fast food establishments. They do decide to point out some important information that Target may have overlooked, though:

Time and time again, businesses that have asked guests not to bring legally possessed, self defense firearms into their establishments have seen their employees and customers victimized by criminals preying on the openly defenseless.

That sounds awful, right? Are you, as a casual reader of this information, curious about the studies that prove this, other than “time”? You aren’t alone:

photo (2)

Yeah. You’re reading that correctly.
Reader: Do you have any studies to back that up?
OC Texas: Go fuck yourself.

Are they just in some contest with the Hobby Lobby owners to see who can be the most universally disliked group of people in America? What possesses a real organization to not support their comments with stats? And then to be rude when someone inquires about it?

Open Carry, y’all might want to buy this book

 Then there’s the part where Target didn’t actually ban guns. They basically just said, “Hey guys, we think it would be really super cool if you stopped bringing your guns into our stores. We aren’t going to abide by any state laws and post the required signs that keep our property gun free, we’re going to just ask nicely.” Why? Because the people who are offended by guns haven’t taken any gun classes and don’t know the difference. Newsflash: Nothing has changed, here. If you’re legally allowed to carry in your weapon, you’re still legally allowed to bring it. You’re just a rude asshole if you do it now.

photo (1) Here I am, Instagramming myself leaving the NRA shooting range — looking totally normal, unlike some people.

Follow me on Facebook or IG…my Instagram is mostly alcohol, not guns. For that Chainsmokers song I probably got stuck in your head with the title, go here.