“Are My Cramps God’s Way of Punishing Me For Not Procreating?” and Other Questions for Mike Pence

I originally wrote this last year before the election, but never published it. I thought it might still be relevant now.  “I am a Christian, a conservative, and a Republican,” Mike Pence announced last July at the RNC. Funny — at the time, I thought he was also the de facto OBGYN for every single woman in Indiana. Maybe […]

A Collection of My Favorite Reactions to the Removal of Confederate Monuments

They took down all the Confederate statues in Baltimore, and according to some people, it’s like they’ve totally re-written history! Without being able to see monuments to the Confederacy, I’ve already started to forget what the Civil War was…and it’s only been 10 hours! A true Soros funded conspiracy. Anyway. Let’s dive in. . #Outnumbered wiping […]

You Love Your Curvy Wife? Well, I Love My Small Dick Husband

I love this man and his small penis. As a young woman, I was often mocked by my friends for my attraction to guys who weren’t well endowed, ones who bought big lifted trucks and worked out all the time. Ones the average (basic) bitch might refer to as “overcompensating.” Then, as I became a […]

Stephen Miller is Your Smug, Gaslighting Tinder Date

Stephen Miller’s exchange with Jim Acosta on Wednesday was horrific, yet familiar. Women know Stephen Miller. Stephen Miller is that asshole you meet on Tinder, who wants to send you a message so he can let you know your pictures from the Women’s March are really sexist against men. The kind of guy who says, […]

Maybe if I was Braver, Maybe if I was Stronger: A Comey Rewrite

On January 27th, Donald called me at lunchtime. He invited me to dinner that night, saying he was going to invite my boyfriend too, but decided to have just me this time, with my boyfriend coming next time. It was unclear from the conversation who else would be at the dinner, although I assumed my […]

100 Days of Hell: Beauregard Sessions

It’s exhausting to stay outraged about everything that has happened in Trump’s first 100 days, but at least Attorney General Jeff Sessions keeps going out of his way to remind us how horrible he is. Sessions has made it clear that fear mongering should replace facts when it comes to creating policy. Forget the antics […]

Donald Trump’s Impeachable Offenses: Twitter Fingers Edition

Because we are living in the bizarre hell that is 2017, discussing whether or not the tweets from the President of the United States are impeachable is a real topic of conversation. So, for my liberal snowflake comrades, I have done the dirty work of combing through Trump’s Twitter and pulling out some of his impeachable […]

To Women Crying About Swimsuit Bottoms: Shut Up

It’s starting to get warm outside, which means it’s the time of the year where women feel like they should police each other’s fashion choices. 2017 is kicking off with the words of one Kayla Ratajczak, who managed the get The Odyssey to publish her drivel: “To Girls Wearing ‘Cheeky’ Swimsuit Bottoms, Please Stop.” I’m going […]