Welcome to week two in the collection of my personal dating hell. Enjoy.
HELP, HELP, I’M BEING OPPRESSED!
Random Art Man: I like your profile. I agree with most of it. However, I’m a full time painter and women definitely have the advantage in the gallery world. Not trying to argue, but it’s probably one of their strongest areas.
At the time I received this, my profile said, “if you are a white guy, make sure you are comfortable saying both ‘men have the upper hand, and so do white people, and I benefit from this is in society.’” Now, can someone please explain to me what made this man feel like he had to message me and let me know that, in this one specific area, women are ahead? Go fuck yourself, Random Art Man.
Also, “it’s probably one of their strongest areas”? What an awkward fucking thing to say. It sounds like he’s talking to me about a baseball team, or maybe a kindergarten class. Certainly not a group of people that half the population, including myself, belong to. “The Orioles roster is stacked with pitchers, it’s probably one their strongest areas” (hahahahaha jk) or, “Ms. Sally’s kindergarten class is really good at spelling. It’s probably one of their strongest areas.”
Womenfolk sure do have an advantage at art stuff. As a gender, it’s probably one of their strongest areas.
Gay men sure do have an advantage when it comes to creating a fashion powerhouse. As a group, it’s probably one of their strongest areas.
Black men sure do have an advantage when it comes to joining the NFL. It’s probably one of their strongest areas.
Random Art Men sure do have an advantage when it comes to sounding like assholes. It’s probably one of their strongest areas.
TAKE THE COMPLIMENT!
Me: I’m too liberal.
Man: I don’t usually talk politics, so we would get along. And if you ramble on about stuff way too liberal for my taste, I will just start making out with you so I don’t have to listen to it.
Me: lol. I mostly talk about politics…
Man: Then we would probably have a very active and enjoyable sex life together.
Man: I don’t mind talking about any topic, but I don’t go overboard with it. The world is the way it is…has always been that way. Do you want a partner to just talk politics with?
Me: lol not just, no
Man: Cool. Are you on Facebook?
Me: Who isn’t?
Man: Can we be friends on FB?
Me: Haha we haven’t met! My Facebook is almost 100% politics, you’d hate it lol
Man: It’s okay, it will give me a better gauge of who you are.
Me: lol ok
Man: You are very attractive. You look hot in your Bumble profile but…your Bumble profile doesn’t do you justice.
Me: lol its the same pictures!
Man: But seeing more pictures gives me a much better perspective of your looks.
Man: Take the compliment.
Man: I usually like to see the Facebook profile because I pass on about 99% of girls for not being my type.
Me: I’m glad I passed the test.
Man: Yes, you did pass.
Man: I am going to take a power nap, text later today.
Me: Hey so there was a lot of objectification in your messages. I’m not *only* looking for a partner to discus politics with, but I’m also no looking for a stranger who tells me they’ll shut me up from talking about things that are important to me with sex. We are likely not a good match, but best of luck in your search.
Man: You are confusing playfulness with objectification but that’s fine, it’s only texting and wouldn’t lead to a real conversation over the phone anyways. Good luck to you too.
Isn’t this a wild ride?
“Oh, this is something you care about? Well, if I think you are rambling on too long about silly things like racial inequality and police brutality, I will just fuck you quiet!”
“You have passed my test of attractiveness. Do you not feel validated? Hello? Say ‘thank you,’ you rude bitch!”
“When I said words to you, you believed them? Haha, silly little woman! So confused! It’s a joke, you know. If you bothered to get to know me, you’d know that when I say misogynistic things, I am joking. In fact, in general? If I say something that upsets you, you can just assume it’s a joke. Because I’m always going to tell you it was. Gosh, typical woman — no sense of humor.”
Next time: men I actually met.