The Case for Banning Yoga Pants

Hi friends! I think I’ve been doing something terribly wrong, and I wanted to reach out and see if you could help me. Here is how my days usually go: when I decide I’m done with pajamas, I either lazily put on leggings (because it’s a day of working out or not giving a fuck how I look) or I shave my legs, blow dry my hair, do my make up, and put on something cute (like a body con dress or a short flare skirt, because I like to look as trampy as possible and I hate all “real” pants).

But apparently, my lazy as fuck, figure skating, crossfitting, errand running outfit is about the sluttiest outfit I could wear (except my birthday suit. Ew. Women’s bodies are icky).  I actually have everything backwards — I need to rock a nice Herve Leger to the gym and grocery store, and save the leggings for when I’m trying to seduce men at the bar or on a date.

Casual outfit for grabbing some groceries
Casual outfit for grabbing some groceries

I mean, what else would be the reason for Montana wanting to make leggings illegal?!  Not because the Representative Moore is a crazy asshole who wants to boss everyone around like tyrannical dictator!

In Soviet Russia, legging wear you. Also, look at the Olympic medal winning legging-slut.
Look at the Olympic medal winning legging wearing slut. Doesn’t she know children are watching?!

Walt Hill, who helped draft the bill, says “I want Montana to be known as a decent state where people can live within the security of laws and protect their children and associates from degrading and indecent practices.” Me, too!! Degrading and indecent practices of the government not making me get dolled up to go to the fucking grocery store.

Standard club attire in Montana
Standard club attire in Montana

So is everyone else using leggings as a way to seduce men and ruin children? Why am I always the last to know what’s going on? Can I run a black market legging shop if this goes through? And more importantly, can someone make a Butte, Montana pun out of this?

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mandawritesthings

Give me coffee.

One thought on “The Case for Banning Yoga Pants”

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