Why I Chose to Now Wear Chaps and Bikini Tops

In response to Veronica Partridge, who is never wearing leggings again to help keep men from thinking she’s hot…but has no problem putting make up on her pretty face and styling her hair so nicely.

DISCLAIMER: Let me start off by saying, we all already know I am trying to steal your man with my boobies. It is not enough (I am accepting boob job donations). Today, I’m not telling you what to wear, I’m just sharing my personal story on why I’m ditching leggings for assless chaps and bikini tops.

For the past several months, I have been having a conviction weighing heavy on me. I tried to put it aside for as long as I could, but the other day a conversation came up and I had to face it. We were talking about leggings and how when women wear them, men look at them and think, “I wish I could see more.”

I went home later that day and shared the convictions I was having with a close female friend. Was it possible our wearing leggings could cause men, other than our spiritual partners, to think lustfully about our bodies? Her male roommate barged into our conversation and told us that when he sees women in leggings, he tries hard to not look but he can’t help it. “I wonder what it looks like without the taut fabric holding it together,” he told us. “That’s why leggings season is better than shorts season. Sometimes fat bitches or really skinny bitches look better than usual.” I suppose I could have been offended by his shitty way of talking about women, but instead I’ve decided to focus on how bad it must feel to think you’ve found some hot piece of ass that actually is just a saggy, gross ass held up by lululemon, or a flat ass that’s made to look bigger with patterned yoga pants. Surely, if one man says something, he speaks for all men! I cannot chastise them all. 

I instantly felt convictions come over me stronger. After talking to my friends, it really hit me hard. It’s difficult to imagine if someone has an attractive ass without the flattering workout gear over it, so imagine how disappointed these poor men must feel when they when they find out they’ve guessed wrong. Women, it is our duty to relieve men of all responsibility and to hold ourselves accountable for their transgressions.

I made a personal vow to myself. I will no longer wear thin, form fitting leggings. The only time it’s acceptable to wear them now (for myself) is in front of my boyfriend, because I’ve already trapped him into being mine. From now on, I will walk around wearing only chaps and bikini tops. Sure, if a man wants to look, he is going to look, but why entice him if it isn’t what he’s into? I don’t want any false advertising going on! Plus, if less men are attracted to me because my non-legging ass isn’t what they like, then that’s more men that I’m saving from ruining their marriages by lustfully staring at my full-on luon clad rear end.

I know you’re probably thinking that it makes more sense for me to wear baggy pants instead of yoga pants. I thought about that, but I’m not a hypocrite. I’m not willing to forgo going to the beach in a swimsuit or wearing shorts in the 120 degree Texas summer. I thought about wearing a full gown all year, even in the ocean, but the tan lines would be disappointing to my partner and myself (and I can’t afford the heat stroke bill).

I’m not trying to push my ridiculous, hypocritical agenda on anyone else — though I will gladly accept media appearances.

My last hurrah :(
My last hurrah 😦

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mandawritesthings

Give me coffee.

15 thoughts on “Why I Chose to Now Wear Chaps and Bikini Tops”

  1. I saw this article the other day, and I am so happy you issued a response to it. I really don’t care if guys check me out more if I wear leggings. I wear them because they’re comfy. I could give a shit less that me wearing them is making some douche nozzle stray from his faith.

  2. Yeah that whole thing was bullshit. It would be one thing if they at least had the consistency to ask the men to be “modest” too (whatever that means) but it never is. No one worries about women being horny – no we’re not only expected to control ourselves regardless, but we’re also expected to protect the boys from themselves. Color me unimpressed.

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