Don’t Date a Self Centered Blogger Who Has Traveled

Why do I click on links posted on Facebook? Why do I read Huffington Post? I keep learning how I’ve been doing life all wrong. Thank God so many girls are telling me how to handle traveling, so I can fix it before I go to Colombia.

Don’t Date a Girl Who Travels
I should have known from the title that nothing good was going to come from this.

She’s the one with the messy, unkempt hair colored by the sun. Her skin is now far from fair like it once was. Not even sun kissed. It’s burnt with multiple tan lines, wounds and bites here and there.

Or she’s from, I don’t know, California or Florida or some other sunny place. I guess if you travel to colder climates, you don’t count. Sorry, Antarctica.

She will be unimpressed with your new car and your expensive watch. She would rather climb a rock or jump out of an airplane than hear you brag about it

No one likes a braggart (event a braggart who brags about traveling!), but I do love cars. Did you just buy a nice one? I’d love to talk to you about its features and its specs, and if it’s a Maserati please let me drive it, thanks.
Also, I don’t really want to jump out of an airplane. It’s likely something I’ll never do…though in the moment some Dallas douchebag $30,000 millionaire who lives with his mom wants to tell me about his 2008 Mercedes, I do understand the desire to free fall tens of thousands of feet without a parachute. Immediately. During the conversation.

And she will never pay over $100 for Avicii because she knows that one weekend of clubbing is equivalent to one week somewhere far more exciting.

Dammit, I’m living my life all wrong. I guess all the backpacking I did was supposed to make me so enlightened I don’t like EDM. I have gladly spent weekends at Electric Zoo and Electric Carnival, but I don’t live in Orlando or NYC…so maybe they count as traveling?!

Not traveling. Okay, got it.
Not traveling. Okay, got it.

 

She is a freelancer. She makes money from designing, writing, photography or something that requires creativity and imagination. Don’t waste her time complaining about your boring job.

Okay, I’ll admit it: she nailed it here. I will send you pictures of my job (here I am taking a truck off roading for cash! Here I am with an NFL player at work! Here I am in lovely Huntington Beach, kind of working!) while you sit at a desk. If you hate your job, work to not have it.

Her days are ruled by the sun and the moon.

I don’t even know what the fuck that means.

Even when I travel, my life is actually ruled by 10,000,000 page textbooks and not the moon.
Even when I travel, my life is actually ruled by 10,000,000 page textbooks and not the moon.

 

She…doesn’t need you to pay for her meals.

Whoa there! Let’s not be hasty. I encourage men to pay for my meals. Hell, I encourage random strangers of any gender to pay my tab. Why not!

She will forget to check in with you when she arrives at her destination. She’s busy living in the present.

“She” sounds like a narcissistic bitch who doesn’t really care about the guy this is directed toward. You remember and make time for the people you love. If she travels and doesn’t bother to contact you, she’s just not that into you, bro.

I still appreciate a Rolex.
I still appreciate a Rolex.
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Published by

mandawritesthings

Give me coffee.

2 thoughts on “Don’t Date a Self Centered Blogger Who Has Traveled”

  1. There was a time when HuffPo didn’t suck so much. I miss that time. Like I miss all those Rolexs I haven’t bought because I got on a plane and learned about the world through experience. Clearly that woman has some bitterness deep within her she needs to address.

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