My Boobs Don’t Need Your Husband to See Them: Or, You Probably Think This Pic is About You

Last week one of my Facebook friends posted a link to a blog entry titled My Husband Doesn’t Need to See Your Boobs (post has since been deleted, find it here instead) I didn’t want to click on it, because I was sure it would piss me off — so of course I ended up reading it on my disaster flight and immediately became full of rage. The post is about the author’s husband having Facebook friends that post pictures of themselves in bikinis, and how it’s wrong. Yes, you read that right. Apparently any time any girl posts bikini pics on Facebook, it’s about this blogger and her husband. I bet all of their female friends sit around and just wait to take bikini photos so they can make this woman’s life and marriage miserable. Anyway, this bitch removed the ability to leave comments, so I have no choice but to write about her article here.

She starts off with some story about wearing slutty khakis in high school and then being a prude for the rest of her life. After the introduction to what it’s like to be insane, we get down to the nitty gritty.

I’m not writing to chastise you for posting your bikini pics from your lake outing. I suppose we all have enough criticism via blog spaces.

Um, what? What does that even mean? You are clearly writing an entire blog entry to chastise people for posting bikini pics, and a passive aggressive comment that “we all have enough criticism via blog spaces” only drives that home.

But I am writing to share the perspective of a woman who is fighting for her marriage. And for that reason, I want to tell you that I don’t need my husband to see your boobs.

I’m just writing from the perspective of a woman who is in a happy and committed long distance relationship. And for that reason, I want to tell you that I never tell my boyfriend who to look at, nor do I monitor his newsfeed. Because guess what? If a picture of some girl with bigger boobs than mine makes him lose interest in me, we have bigger problems than social media. Take some responsibility – happy people don’t cheat. I’m not blaming the victim, but a relationship is a two person deal, and a picture of a friend in a bikini isn’t going to make or break anything.

Anyways, what I’m saying is I don’t fault you. I don’t blame you for being confident enough to let the world see how good you look in front of the waves with your coozie and ballcap and barely anything else.

But I want to tell you that it’s a stumbling block in our marriage.

Is it, though? I know you’ve amended your blog to say you aren’t insecure, but you are a liar. Either you’re married to a 15 year old boy, or you are incredibly insecure — even if you don’t realize it. Do you know what is really unattractive? Telling your SO not to look at other women. Telling them it’s a stumbling block. If my boyfriend took my magazines and ripped out the pages of shirtless men before I was allowed to read them, we wouldn’t be together much longer. And why do you think any other woman cares? Here’s an example of something another woman should feel bad for doing: “I don’t blame you for being confident enough to let my husband see how good you look in front of our bed, with my inherited crystal wine glass in your hand and your thong on and nothing else. But I want to tell you that when you sneak into my house to seduce my husband, it’s a stumbling block in our marriage.”

When I scroll through my news feed, my thumb moves in a continuous circular motion until something catches my eye and I want to look closer. And then I tap on the picture and make that little swipe with my thumb and pointer finger so I can zoom in just as close as I can to capture all the details.

Thank you for explaining Facebook.

I’m especially bad about this when there is a line of bathing suits in the pic. AND I’M A GIRL.

Mostly I’m looking at your legs asking myself, How are there seriously people without cellulite????

Well, I used to have cellulite until Crossfit made me do a bunch of squats. But don’t worry…every squat I do, all I think about is the bikini pictures I will get to post that will hopefully ruin someone’s marriage. Virtual marriage ruining is what gets me through my work out. It’s completely about YOU.

I doubt my husband is so lucky. Actually, I know it’s next to impossible to take in images like those and erase them from his mind. Because our men are much less emotional and are much more visual. And as quickly as I can forget your picture, it is filed away in his mind, ready to be pulled back out whenever he so chooses.

Maybe this is the solution. Just write on every picture, “Thank you for posting! My hubby has it filed away in his spank bank for later on!” I guarantee these girls will unfriend the both of you, and problem solved!!!

Again, I am not faulting you. And by no means am I faulting him. This man of mine diverts his eyes from whatever questionable images flash on the screen before him. But sometimes the temptation is too much.

Really? Because every word of your post sounds like you are faulting all other women, ever. And I guess hubby can do no wrong, huh? But seriously. Do you not go to the pool or beach together? Does he keep his eyes shut? Do you poke them out? What happens? Do you only vacation at public beaches in Kuwait? Oh, the evil temptation of girls in swimsuits! I wish there were more countries where you still went to jail for wearing a bikini!!

After Memorial Day, I noticed so much skin on social media that I half-yelled a warning to him as I ran out the door one morning. It’s summertime, honey! Beware the beach pics and half nude girls on Instagram! And like that, he was in solitary confinement from all virtual community for the next two days.

……..You are a terrible, miserable controlling woman and I expect you will be cheated on in no time. I cannot even imagine how my SO would respond, but I know if I was told this, I’d be changing those locks before you got back.

Protecting his eyes, protecting his heart.

More like protecting his brain and potential migraine from hearing his Debbie Downer wife bitch at him for going on the internet. Do you know you can watch orgies with like 50 women fully nude on the internet? And you’re worried about FACEBOOK? Facebook who won’t let nips show in pics???

When your bare shoulders and stretchmark-less bellies and tanned legs pop up, I not only worry if my husband will linger over your picture. I worry how he will compare me to you.

Please, tell me more about how you aren’t insecure.

But would you, could you, keep your boobs out of my marriage? You can have your memories, and we can have our sacred hearts. And we can all get along in beautiful harmony.

I think the better option is for you to delete your accounts on all forms of social media. Better safe than sorry.

Anyone who feels the need to passively aggressively make a sad little blog entry about girls in bikinis instead of directly confronting girls or, you know, getting over it, seems like they are doomed from the start. No way this chick has a great marriage. I’d understand more if she wrote this directed to HBO or photoshopped women in Vogue or almost anything else. As it stands, all she has done is come across as a controlling and demanding wife, and as a self-centered bitch. Not all Facebook picture are about you, lady. I can basically give you my personal guarantee that none of the people posting anything are thinking about you — well, except now they probably are.

For your husband:

10458165_10202143868669565_1968176170440013338_nphoto

Yes, I also support your right to wear leggings. Check me out on Facebook, Instagram (your best bet for more pool pics), and Twitter; subscribe to my blog here
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524 thoughts on “My Boobs Don’t Need Your Husband to See Them: Or, You Probably Think This Pic is About You”

  1. i have a question, i just recently had a spat with my ex, i have friends who post pics in bikinis or whatever. my wife knows it doesnt bother her, plus i dont google over them either. so back to my ex we have a son he is 15 now and we go to church well his mom pics selfies of her self some are boob shots, do you think it was wrong of me to ask that she change her pic. reason we have a 15 year old son who has church friends he dont want seeing this pics, he has even told her , my church family sees your pic when you post or tag my name and it bothers him. so after all this she went and made more pics am i wrong for asking this. just wanted a opinion..

    1. I do not think there is anything wrong with you asking her to be a little more modest. She should understand with a younger son that it makes him uncomfortable. I am pretty sure she is just doing it to get under YOUR skin.

    2. In a million years I would never think asking that is ok. By asking it you are sexualising that woman’s body which is uncomfortable and inappropriate. If she was posing with the intention it were porn then that would be different. But if it’s just her on holiday and yes, she has boobs just like any other human body part, here they are, I am sure she is not doing it to be sexual. That means there is nothing inappropriate about it. Far far better would be if you explained to you son how a woman’s body is not inherently a sexual object and how to see a pair of boobs isn’t always a big deal. That just because you may be turned on by a woman, doesn’t mean she is asking you to be turned on by her. If you still have a problem then don’t ask her to change for your son when she is not doing anything wrong. It’s rude. Either delete/block her from facebook or tell your son he is not allowed on the Internet. Basically this is YOUR problem. Not hers.

  2. When is enough enough? Why would you prey on a marriage where the woman is obviously hurt and sad by things that are going on? You are young and beautiful, but one day you will age, your body will age, and you will realize that your SO is still looking at young and beautiful while you continue to age. If that doesn’t bother or the fact that it may not be you that is in his head anymore, then you are a very strong woman indeed. The world teaches each of us that we have to a certain way or we aren’t good enough. But I say different. Each of us should be allowed our strengths and weaknesses as long as we are willing to continually strive for betterment. What is your point in lashing out at this woman? Do you need more attention? As one guy so frankly put in the comments, obviously enough skin is showing that he can get off to it. Congrats, you got your attention.
    The men in our lives are ones we have chosen, eyes closed or open, but that doesn’t mean its going to be perfect when we get married. Do I know women that aren’t happy? Yes. Do I know a lot of women that have gone through, are going through, or have been through what this woman is saying? Yes. Do I think its ok to continually “shop” when you are supposed to be faithful? No. What starts in your mind will eventually come out in your actions unless you make something enough. If you continually view other people, your SO will eventually not be enough.
    Maybe this is the life you want, maybe you have a different version of fidelity, or maybe you just don’t care. But calling anther person, that is obviously having a rough time, a crazy bitch is pretty sad coming from a young beautiful woman. Remember, what if that is you someday? How would you want to be treated and how would you want other women to treat you?

      1. I absolutely love your blog! Don’t listen to the negative comments! You have a right to share your opinion and I completely agree!

    1. Is this a serious comment right now? The woman who posted that stuff IS CRAZY! Rule #1 – don’t share your dirty laundry on facebook. Come on- it’s facebook. She might have a right to tell him not to masturbate to porn or flirt with other women in chat rooms, but inadvertently coming across photos of women in bathing suits? That is just silly. It’s not like he can’t go Google women in bathing suits. Most importantly, this woman has no right to tell others what they should and should not post on their own social media page. If she has such a problem with it, then she needs to either un-friend these women or block them from her husband’s news feed. She can control what she sees. So instead of bitching about it- all she needs to do is block these people. I think that’s where the biggest problem is- she’s trying to get other people to change for her, instead of just doing what she needs to do on her own.

    2. ” If that doesn’t bother or the fact that it may not be you that is in his head anymore, then you are a very strong woman indeed.”

      No, that makes her a normal, secure woman.

    3. The point is though that it is not a young woman’s problem and you shouldn’t blame her. I would expect my hubby to be attracted to a beautiful bikini pik on Facebook but I would also expect him to have enough perspective for it to be no big deal. That’s what monogamy is about. Notice that all the responsibility is on him there. Wishing other beautiful women didn’t exist, which that woman is basically doing, is a pretty skewed way to look at the world. To me, my body isn’t a sexual object. If I was slim and toned I would be proud to show it off. But actually it may not even be about showing off. It may just be that it is no big deal to me and a nice pik. Basically suggesting it is the woman’s responsibility to cover up not to tempt your husband away is suggesting that 1. Her body is a sexual object 2. It is her responsibility not to tempt this man rather than his own. This is actually pretty patronising to him. Like he is some innocent victim being attacked with bikini piks. I believe I have the right to walk around naked and if I am not presenting myself as sexual then it shouldn’t be interpreted as such. The female body shouldn’t be labelled. Females shouldn’t be daemonised for something that they are pretty much the victim of. In conclusion, this article is a bit harsh, I agree. But I also understand the anger at the original article.

      1. Nothing against the article, it’s great and I’m glad you wrote it. I just think instead of saying ‘I hope her husband cheats on her’ you could have just explained how her view is skewed. To be fair it must be a pain to feel how she feels. Instead of getting (understandably) angry at her personally, we should be angry at a society which puts the blame on a woman when a man turns her into a sexual object.

    4. Maybe She is secure enough in her relationship to not worry about if her SO is looking at younger women, Looking isn’t a problem and if you think it is then maybe you should learn that part of loving someone is trusting them, if you trust your partner and know that even if they look they won’t touch, even if offered, then them looking won’t bother you.

  3. I think God teaches us to shield ourselves from temptation. If you know that staring at other’s pictures cause you to lust after them, then you should avoid looking at those pictures. It’s something you need to work on within yourself.

  4. I thought this woman was your friend? Because, honestly, passive-agressive, snarky, and mean-spirited blogs like this are NOT what friends do to each other. And, yes, your blog is passive-agressive because instead of talking directly to this woman about your opinion of what she wrote and about her PERCEIVED insecurities, you chose to hurl insults from a blog. I know you said she made it so that no one could comment on her blog post, but you could’ve called her, you could’ve written her an email, you could’ve texted her, you could’ve messaged her on Facebook, you could’ve written her a letter, or–if you know her in person–you could’ve had her out to lunch and had a face-to-face talk. And then, since she was your friend and you were so concerned about her insecurities and her marriage, you could’ve talked with her about it, maybe prayed for and with her about it, and encouraged her–because THAT’S what REAL friends do! But you chose not to do that, which leads me to wonder if you really are a true friend…or if you’re just an enemy in disguise.

    Personally, I agree with your friend, at least to some extent. I do think women need to be more modest, out of respect for their friends and loved ones, out of respect for God, and out of respect for themselves. I’m not saying we should be wearing burqas or anything like that, but neither should we be baring it all for the whole world to see, either. Because, by doing that, we devalue/demean ourselves. I look at it this way–and I think this is a good way to look at it: My body is a gift from me to my husband. Like all gifts, it has a wrapping that is only to be removed by or for the recipient, my husband. And, like a precious gift, it is not meant to be shared with anyone else but the recipient, my husband. My body is a precious gift. If I share it only with my husband, it remains precious. But if I share it with the rest of the world in any way, it won’t be precious anymore. It will become common and devalued. I don’t want that, so I dress modestly and tastefully. And I know that my husband sure does appreciate me keeping my body a precious gift, exclusively for him, that no other man has ever had in any way. I know because he’s told me so.

    1. She said they were FACEBOOK friends. That’s not the same thing as being friends. It could just as easily be a friend of the cousin of someone she went to high school with. I don’t even know most of the people on my friends list.

      As an Agnostic, I don’t give two shits about whether people think their god(s) would approve of how I choose to live my life. As for friends and loved ones, how is covering-up a form of respect? I don’t feel disrespected by women wearing bathing suits and tight-fitting clothing. On the contrary, I rather like it. And why is it only *women* who have to cover-up as a show of respect? Frankly, I’d much rather see a beautiful woman in tight shorts than some fat, sweaty guy in tight shorts. So why is he being respectful but she isn’t? Because your god says so?

      By dressing in a manner of her choosing, she is showing proper respect to herself. She would only be disrespecting herself if she allowed people like you to dictate what she can and cannot wear in public.

      If you choose to see your body as your gift to your husband, there’s nothing wrong with that. But you need to understand that what works for you may not work for everyone else. Not all women view their bodies as objects to be possessed as property by their husbands.

      Flaunting our natural beauty does not demean or devalue us. Quite the opposite, in fact. It shows that we are not ashamed of our bodies. It shows that we value and cherish them. If your god doesn’t like that, don’t expect me to lose any sleep over it.

    2. Hey, two-face, rather than post this comment, why didn’t you just call the author up and grab some HH cocktails? Or better yet… practice your reading comprehension skills.

  5. Nobody wants to take credit for their own issues and insecurities. It’s easier to place blame. It’s so hard to say, this is our fault. It’s easy to say, well if this was different and this was different, then maybe our marriage would work better.

    STOP trying to control the outside world! You can’t. You can only control to how you react to it. You cannot change the world to fit your needs, but you can change your attitude and meet your own needs.

    If your husband has an addiction to porn or staring at college girls on spring break, that’s his issue. Delete those girls from Facebook would be a start. If it really marriage altering, go get counseling, and if he continues to refuse to acknowledge your needs and insecurities, is that someone you really want to be with?

    I don’t have a perfect body, I have some silver stretch marks from pregnancy, I have a million imperfections that I hate about my body, some I could change, some I couldn’t. He has imperfections, too. But if my husband wanted to leave our 9 year relationship and our beautiful home and beautiful child because he saw some girl in a swim suit I would be devastated, but good riddance. Men are going to think about naked women whether they’re in front of him or not. And like it’s been stated a million times, if your hubby wants to spank it to porn or bikini pics rather than have the real thing that’s in front of him, you all have major issues and need acknowledge that and get yourselves to marriage counseling ASAP.

      1. just FYI — you’re my new best friend. call me every 5 minutes.

        loved every damn syllable.

        you’re awesome!

      2. Amazing article, a true masterpiece. As for your lastcomment, I think you look fine the way you are. Bigger is not necessarily better, and a positive self image is much more attractive than plastic Ds.

  6. Love love love this article. I love that the number one answer for something is to censor it. I have too many people on my social media pages that post similar complaints about things they see and want taken down and I always say the same thing, unfriendly me, stop following me or just plain delete me if you don’t like it.
    Again great article, and extra points for the use of the term spank bank. Lol

  7. Article was good. Some of the comments are crazy… of course most women are crazy and whom are making the comments.

  8. We live in a society where no one is accountable for their own thoughts or feelings; it is always someone else’s fault. The fact of the matter is that the author of that article and her husband have much bigger issues going on than facebook posts and placing blame on girls in his news feed is really just deflecting on those issues. I do feel for her for being so insecure and obviously having a lot of marital troubles, but those are conflicts they’re going to have to overcome as a couple and/or as individuals. As the world’s most insecure person (self-designated), I always compare myself to other women (especially in bikinis), but it’s not their fault. Those are my own flaws and demons to defeat.

    Thanks for a great perspective. The hateful comments are ridiculous . . .

  9. I just wanted to tell you that my roommate and I completely agreed and had a great laugh over this. Excellent writing. My relationship with my man would have never started if I was like that woman. The woman who my man was dating before was just like her. He wasn’t allowed to look at another woman. Period. He would walk down the street and before he even noticed there was a woman, she would be yelling at him. (Did I mention she was from Uzbekistan?) Now he is with me, and I am happy when he looks at other women. I trust him. I don’t go around not looking at other guys, and I wouldn’t do that to him. The woman that you wrote this post about obviously doesn’t know what “trust” is, and I feel damn sorry for her SO, unless he is already getting something better on the side……..(I don’t approve of cheating, but in his case…I’m on his side).

    Anyways…Just wanted to say thanks for the good read 😀
    -Sam

  10. Loved it! But it was a little hateful. This woman is so obviously insecure and hurting and needs to be loved and maybe needs some advice on how to love. Herself and her marriage. Facebook is an increasingly dangerous place for some ppl i would say.

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  15. Wow, that was the most pathetic blog I ever read. I have 3 children and I look damn awesome in a bikini and it’s because I work damn hard to get the body I have so is that woman thinks she is going to guilt trip women into covering up, she failed miserably. Get a tummy tuck, get lipo, get some huge bouncy boobs, buy some tanning minutes, go to the gym, get some Botox or a chemical peel, put in hair extensions, whatever it takes to make you look hot as hell for your man …..and put down the cheeseburgers Negative Nancy.

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  25. I agree 100% that it is the man’s responsibility to decide what to do with the images he sees in this world. The only issue I have with this post is the line, “happy people don’t cheat.” I am fighting to get my marriage back to a marriage. His struggle had nothing to do with me or how I treat him. He brought the issues into our marriage and lied about for years to me. Men need to step up and take responsibility, but please don’t blame the women for issues in the marriage. In the same way you don’t want that lady to pass unfair judgement on you, please don’t pass unfair judgement on struggling marriages.

  26. The woman who wrote the article is simply a hyper-insecure religious zealot. Look at the language, ‘protect our sacred hearts’, that is exactly the type of language that batshit evangelicals use when trying to justify their absurd commands that the rest of the world follow what their space magician overlord says. An honest article would have said ‘I’m a huge bitch that takes out my own insecurities on my husband and random women and uses the cloak of religion to try and justify said assholery. And by religion, I mean obey the commands of the invisible person in the sky’. I feel sorry for every person who has the misfortune to deal with such a self-righteous asshole.

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