My Boobs Don’t Need Your Husband to See Them: Or, You Probably Think This Pic is About You

Last week one of my Facebook friends posted a link to a blog entry titled My Husband Doesn’t Need to See Your Boobs. I didn’t want to click on it, because I was sure it would piss me off — so of course I ended up reading it on my disaster flight and immediately became full of rage. The post is about the author’s husband having Facebook friends that post pictures of themselves in bikinis, and how it’s wrong. Yes, you read that right. Apparently any time any girl posts bikini pics on Facebook, it’s about this blogger and her husband. I bet all of their female friends sit around and just wait to take bikini photos so they can make this woman’s life and marriage miserable. Anyway, this bitch removed the ability to leave comments, so I have no choice but to write about her article here.

She starts off with some story about wearing slutty khakis in high school and then being a prude for the rest of her life. After the introduction to what it’s like to be insane, we get down to the nitty gritty.

I’m not writing to chastise you for posting your bikini pics from your lake outing. I suppose we all have enough criticism via blog spaces.

Um, what? What does that even mean? You are clearly writing an entire blog entry to chastise people for posting bikini pics, and a passive aggressive comment that “we all have enough criticism via blog spaces” only drives that home.

But I am writing to share the perspective of a woman who is fighting for her marriage. And for that reason, I want to tell you that I don’t need my husband to see your boobs.

I’m just writing from the perspective of a woman who is in a happy and committed long distance relationship. And for that reason, I want to tell you that I never tell my boyfriend who to look at, nor do I monitor his newsfeed. Because guess what? If a picture of some girl with bigger boobs than mine makes him lose interest in me, we have bigger problems than social media. Take some responsibility – happy people don’t cheat. I’m not blaming the victim, but a relationship is a two person deal, and a picture of a friend in a bikini isn’t going to make or break anything.

Anyways, what I’m saying is I don’t fault you. I don’t blame you for being confident enough to let the world see how good you look in front of the waves with your coozie and ballcap and barely anything else.

But I want to tell you that it’s a stumbling block in our marriage.

Is it, though? I know you’ve amended your blog to say you aren’t insecure, but you are a liar. Either you’re married to a 15 year old boy, or you are incredibly insecure — even if you don’t realize it. Do you know what is really unattractive? Telling your SO not to look at other women. Telling them it’s a stumbling block. If my boyfriend took my magazines and ripped out the pages of shirtless men before I was allowed to read them, we wouldn’t be together much longer. And why do you think any other woman cares? Here’s an example of something another woman should feel bad for doing: “I don’t blame you for being confident enough to let my husband see how good you look in front of our bed, with my inherited crystal wine glass in your hand and your thong on and nothing else. But I want to tell you that when you sneak into my house to seduce my husband, it’s a stumbling block in our marriage.”

When I scroll through my news feed, my thumb moves in a continuous circular motion until something catches my eye and I want to look closer. And then I tap on the picture and make that little swipe with my thumb and pointer finger so I can zoom in just as close as I can to capture all the details.

Thank you for explaining Facebook.

I’m especially bad about this when there is a line of bathing suits in the pic. AND I’M A GIRL.

Mostly I’m looking at your legs asking myself, How are there seriously people without cellulite????

Well, I used to have cellulite until Crossfit made me do a bunch of squats. But don’t worry…every squat I do, all I think about is the bikini pictures I will get to post that will hopefully ruin someone’s marriage. Virtual marriage ruining is what gets me through my work out. It’s completely about YOU.

I doubt my husband is so lucky. Actually, I know it’s next to impossible to take in images like those and erase them from his mind. Because our men are much less emotional and are much more visual. And as quickly as I can forget your picture, it is filed away in his mind, ready to be pulled back out whenever he so chooses.

Maybe this is the solution. Just write on every picture, “Thank you for posting! My hubby has it filed away in his spank bank for later on!” I guarantee these girls will unfriend the both of you, and problem solved!!!

Again, I am not faulting you. And by no means am I faulting him. This man of mine diverts his eyes from whatever questionable images flash on the screen before him. But sometimes the temptation is too much.

Really? Because every word of your post sounds like you are faulting all other women, ever. And I guess hubby can do no wrong, huh? But seriously. Do you not go to the pool or beach together? Does he keep his eyes shut? Do you poke them out? What happens? Do you only vacation at public beaches in Kuwait? Oh, the evil temptation of girls in swimsuits! I wish there were more countries where you still went to jail for wearing a bikini!!

After Memorial Day, I noticed so much skin on social media that I half-yelled a warning to him as I ran out the door one morning. It’s summertime, honey! Beware the beach pics and half nude girls on Instagram! And like that, he was in solitary confinement from all virtual community for the next two days.

……..You are a terrible, miserable controlling woman and I expect you will be cheated on in no time. I cannot even imagine how my SO would respond, but I know if I was told this, I’d be changing those locks before you got back.

Protecting his eyes, protecting his heart.

More like protecting his brain and potential migraine from hearing his Debbie Downer wife bitch at him for going on the internet. Do you know you can watch orgies with like 50 women fully nude on the internet? And you’re worried about FACEBOOK? Facebook who won’t let nips show in pics???

When your bare shoulders and stretchmark-less bellies and tanned legs pop up, I not only worry if my husband will linger over your picture. I worry how he will compare me to you.

Please, tell me more about how you aren’t insecure.

But would you, could you, keep your boobs out of my marriage? You can have your memories, and we can have our sacred hearts. And we can all get along in beautiful harmony.

I think the better option is for you to delete your accounts on all forms of social media. Better safe than sorry.

Anyone who feels the need to passively aggressively make a sad little blog entry about girls in bikinis instead of directly confronting girls or, you know, getting over it, seems like they are doomed from the start. No way this chick has a great marriage. I’d understand more if she wrote this directed to HBO or photoshopped women in Vogue or almost anything else. As it stands, all she has done is come across as a controlling and demanding wife, and as a self-centered bitch. Not all Facebook picture are about you, lady. I can basically give you my personal guarantee that none of the people posting anything are thinking about you — well, except now they probably are.

For your husband:

10458165_10202143868669565_1968176170440013338_nphoto

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424 thoughts on “My Boobs Don’t Need Your Husband to See Them: Or, You Probably Think This Pic is About You

  1. Nice piece with a sound read on the target woman–it was well put together. The ad hominem (calling target a bitch) detracts from the piece as it’s unethical discourse).

    • I would argue that she was well within her rights to say ABSOLUTELY everything she said. This woman has, in making this post, just made me feel better about women in general. That might be a fucked up thing to say, but I’m treating it as a positive. One of the biggest pillars of any relationship is trust. If you don’t have trust, that is you are an “insecure jealous bitch (being applied to both genders here)”, your relationship is doomed from the start. No one is going to strike your SO blind so that they’re not aware that they are surrounded by people who could be considered attractive. If you can’t deal with that, you might not even be ready for human contact let alone any kind of non-platonic contact with another person.

    • Not much passive aggressive about this post. Especially not compared to making a blog about your facebook friends instead of saying it to their face. But thanks so much for your input, Heidi! Happy 4th!

      • I honestly loved this post. I think I was in the early stages of becoming that insecure ( crazy) wife. Certain events occurred that changed me from seeing women as innocent bystanders to potential companions for my husband. It’s not the women who are more attractive’ s fault. I never even thought to blame them. I know it’s my husbands, but I don’t shut him away from the world or in this case “media.” There’s always going to be someone more attractive it’s up to your SO to decide if that person is worth risking your relationship over. You are spot on in saying that if pics of girls in bikinis caused issues then there’s a bigger problem than social media.
        On another note I can see this on both ends because I have people complain to me about my photos. Apparently some women don’t like other women who are big at the top taking ANY kind of pics. With that said I end my comment with a SMILE!

      • word. i always prefer honesty – even if it’s outwardly aggressive – than passive aggression. passive aggression is the worst, and there was nothing in this article (except for the quotes) that was passive. bravo.

      • I don’t think there was anything passive-aggressive about this post. Or, to be more precise, there wasn’t anything passive about this post. It was plenty aggressive! Of course, sometimes aggressive is just what the doctor ordered.

        Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go write a blog post chastising all the guys posting shirtless photos on Facebook for making women think I’m too fat. I mean, sure, I could just exercize, lose about 50 pounds, and live a more healthy lifestyle; but fuck that! I’d rather piss and moan about how other people whom I think look better than me should wrap themselves in a dozen layers of throw rugs and wear paper bags over their heads when on camera.

  2. Pingback: My Boobs Don’t Need Your Husband to See Them: Or, You Probably Think This Pic is About You | mharvey816

  3. I was that woman at one point. It was because my husband had a porn addiction. I felt like I had to try and control it for him because he demonstrated (through adding scantily clad women, kissing coworkers and flirting with anything with boobs) that he refused to control it himself.

    I wasn’t always insecure. His addiction built insecurity in me. Every girl he looked at made me question, “other married guys look at a woman and then still love their wife…my husband looks and wishes; what’s wrong with me?”

    So, while her actions are obviously ones of an insecure woman, please understand that she may not have behaved in such a manner if her husband WAS trustworthy and faithful. I am recently divorced and rebuilding the lost sense of worth his addiction stole from me.

    Not all of us are fortunate enough to have married or dated someone capable of looking away. Yes, we are at fault for marrying them, but I empathize with her. I don’t need to ridicule her because I understand the emotional ridicule she’s most-likely been put through.

    • Why should men have to look away? Why can’t they enjoy looking at a beautiful woman? I do! And my boyfriend does – doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat. And if he did cheat on me it wouldn’t because of a picture on Facebook, it would be because he’s a dick.

      • When I said my husband would look and wish, I didn’t mean to simply admire her beauty. That is understandable. My husband would either maturbate to the thought of her later, try to find her on Facebook or actually go talk to her in attempts to ask her out.

        Porn destroys trust. He wasn’t trust worthy and no amount of me trusting him would’ve made him trust worthy.

        This woman probably has a husband that hasn’t earned trust or broke it…

      • My first long term relationship ex would pursue anything interested. He said that being with me he had more luck with women. He did warp me a bit but since I have had two long term relationships that were better. My guy now will look but we always laugh at how “He’s still alive”. He loves me and gives compliments of appreciation. He’s honest and I can trust him. He doesn’t pursue other women and pictures aren’t going to change that.

    • I agree with you 100 percent. I actually started crying reading your post because I went through the same thing. Some people don’t have to go through the pain of loving someone who actually chases after what they are tempted by. I did, I get it. Thank you.

  4. Great article. The one tiny name calling part distracts from how good it is but other than that, enjoyed it !
    The original article is another fine example of woman blaming woman for their man problems. marriage is a two player game

  5. I get it, both sides actually. My husband is a hairdresser who deals with women everyday. Some is those women respectful of marriage, some not so much. He is also a Crossfit coach/competitor and a mighty fine beast of a man I might add. I, on the other hand, am a quirky kind of word nerd, english major, hopeless romantic, the not so graceful, not so athletic wife. Insecurities hit me from all angles. He works with women all day and then is around the oh, so hot half naked bodies all over the Crossfit box too. When I feel a little ‘less than beautiful’ and way too average I pray about it… because it’s me not him or them. And if the feeling lingers, I just take time to talk to him about it. And he reminds me how perfect I am, how he really loves my curves and clumsiness and funny ways. He reminds me that my goal to be a famous author is as valuable as his goals in the gym. He loves me deeper, more intently and doesn’t mind picking up the slack for my insecurities when they hit. And I believe him :)

  6. I do some performing with burlesque groups in my area. Obviously, I have a separate page dedicated to that persona, as opposed to my own, but some of these friends cross over into my every day life, and as a result, my fiance’s. He has never once been jealous or controlling in my performances, even when I had to involve other male performers in a routine.

    And I have never once been upset when I see him looking at pictures of other performers, and they’re in thongs and pasties- not bikinis. I’m not built like most of them on the topside, but I don’t tell them not to post pictures from their performances. If they were posting it directly on his wall, sure, that would be odd… but they’re not. Am I worried he’ll compare me to them, or his other attractive friends who post bikini pictures throughout the year? Do I check his computer for porn? No. Because I trust him, and he has never given me a reason not to.

    If I demonstrate a lack of trust in him, I’m the one undermining our relationship. I believe that if he felt anything for these women, it would be obvious, and unless they reached out to him personally, or vice-versa, what they post is not intended to target my fiance specifically. Also, he’d almost certainly go, “Soooo… uhm, so-and-so sent me this weird message the other day. I don’t think we should hang out with her anymore.” Because he’s a grown man and can control what he does in response to what he sees. He’s not some mindless ape who feels like he needs to have sex with everything that has tits on it.

    The woman who wrote this article clearly doesn’t have this amount of trust in the stability of her relationship, but blaming the women for her husband SEEING these images, and what’s more, loving her enough to avoid them because he knows they upset her, is ridiculous. She’s the only one in this situation whose behavior is questionable.

    Anyway, in summation, yeah. The woman who wrote this needs to deal with the actual issues in her relationship, and not meter out blame/shame to other women who actually have self confidence.

  7. Love this article! It made me laugh! I feel bad for the woman who is so insecure in her marriage that she has to “hate” on other woman’s pictures that have NOTHING to do with her, but she really needs to realize that this problem she has is between her and her husband, not other girls on fb.
    And when I post pictures of myself in a bikini (with my hubby usually) I never post it to entice another woman’s husband! I promise that! And I seriously doubt most girls are posting for that reasons. And if any girl or guy wants to show off their body, that’s great for them! Great article on your point of view. :)

    • Absolutely agree! I loved this article and agreed 100%! So funny. I’m a little overweight and have stretchmarks, but my husband loves me and thinks I’m incredibly sexy! Do I worry about him looking at other women? Nope. We enjoy the beautiful human form together! ;)

  8. This is such an awesome and honest post — As like most blog commentary, sometimes reading it is the icing on the beautifully written cake. LMAO — keep on, keepin’ on mandawritesthings! I’m showing this to my husband (who will laugh his ass off having been married to one of those women who wanted to control ALLTHETHINGS he saw on the interwebs), then I will show him your very nice (and hot!) swimsuit pictures, and we will high five, and then live happily ever after because he knows I don’t control what the hell he sees on the internet.

  9. This rant is a beautiful work of art. It shocks me how ignorant and self-absorbed that woman was, acting like it’s other women’s fault that her husband is a mindless sex-crazed animal that can’t control his lusts. If I were her husband, I’d be filing for divorce. Bravo to you for calling her out. Seems she’s even removed that original post you linked to.

  10. This was perfect. The only thing I respect in this world is honesty, and a blogger jumping back and forth between her convictions the way your target did deserves the full brunt of your, and ALL of the people’s, incisive ridicule. Using the word “bitch” was for comic effect and well-played. If anyone denounces what you did here, it’s obviously the target and her pink-napkin purchasing friends playing dress-up with avatars, so to them I say, meh. Now, to play devil’s advocate for a second – and only a second – I read the original article, and it was chock full of such deranged, snarling drivel, that I almost kinda felt like you were picking on a special needs kid, and that’s not cool :/ Ha…. nah I’m just playing, that’s totally cool! Keep it up, you have a new follower in me!

  11. After skimming some of her other articles its VERY apparent she is [unfortunately] a VERY self conscience person. This is putting her self put there as a selfless giver, and someone who wants to only do good in the world, but then feel the need to say things like this..
    “It seems that every time I sit down to write, the core issue in each of my daily hurdles comes down to my own insecurities. And I’m not the type of person that really exudes self-doubt….
    …We stumble over our own feet, dragging our shriveled egos through a wilderness of notgoodenough, until we are lying face down in the pit that we probably put ourselves in to begin with.”

    http://www.bloglovin.com/viewer?post=2841847753&group=0&frame_type=b&blog=11186489&frame=1&click=0&user=0

    I fully agree with everything Manda has written, and reading some of fruits and gauzes or what ever her name is was a nice mindless study break for me.

  12. I just want to say as a male, just because your married doesn’t mean your dead….
    and i didnt even read the article, just the responses… Post those pretty women..
    Married doesn’t mean dead.
    Fantasies are not cheating. if you fear your husband having fantasies your marriage is already doomed.
    6 billion people in this world and i am only to be attracted to one? your nutz!
    Lets see those sexy poses, pictures, heck prefer them to porn anyway, a sensual picture can do wonders for the imagination.
    Post those Boobs! (Spoken like a man!)
    Yea Hatters!

    • I completely agree, what the wife in the original post seems to forget is that we have free will. Just because I see an attractive woman in a bikini doesn’t mean that I’m going to either a) run out and screw that girl, or b) head to the bathroom and spank one out. Why? Because I’m a person with free will.

      Now that doesn’t mean I WON’T go and spank it, but that’s all on me, not the girl online. That’s like blaming McDonalds for my being fat.

  13. Sane women (and one would assume men) are so much more attractive. Needy and controlling ones, well, it doesn’t matter how good she looks, it just ain’t worth it!

    A happily married husband

  14. Every woman has insecurities, and I truly believe those insecurities are derived from past experiences. However, if you’re THAT insecure, you don’t blog about it, you seek professional help. The fact that the insecure blogger obviously didn’t realize how completely psycho she’d sound posting that blog, is an obvious sign that she’s got some deep seated mental problems to work out.

  15. hey im 13 years old and this really cute guy told me to see my boobs but i was like i dont want to and then he was like plzzzz and i dont know what to do

    • Caroline: It is your life, never do what you do not want.
      Don’t hurt yourself, and don’t hurt other.
      But don’t let anyone use or abuse you either.

      Take good care.

    • Caroline, boys (and people in general) will ask you for a lot of things. That doesn’t mean that you have to say yes. You don’t have to give away any part of your mind or body or heart to anyone you don’t want to.

      When you find yourself in these situations you might have feelings of uncertainty and fear. It is tempting to say yes just to lessen these feelings, but please think ahead to the feelings that come when you act in a way that isn’t true to you: guilt, shame, anger (at yourself and the other person), and a feeling that you’ve betrayed the most important person: you. You might experience any or all of these feelings, depending on the situation. Make every decision with love and respect for yourself, and you will be fine.

  16. It saddens me to see individual women run over for a general “women’s freedom” ideal.

    Yes, this woman just revealed to the world that she has some insecurities and boob photos on fb draw on those.

    However, when a woman is insecure the way to love her and build her self esteem is not to tell her, “Hey! You’re insecure! You’re a controlling, demanding, self-centered, bitch. Get over yourself and stop blaming your problems on my social media photos. OH, those photos bother you? Well, here, look– BOOBS!!! HA”

    I would be much more impressed by a post that encouraged her self-esteem, encouraged her to have confidence in her own body, and maybe counseling in her marriage. Don’t we all have some insecurities about something? Let’s not rub it in each other’s faces and start name calling.

    • I agree. Manda’s post/response is great at pointing out the OP’s poor line of thinking, but falls short in identifying and providing the support needed by someone with codepency issues. Sure, the way the OP put down women posting bikini photos was really dumb, but there’s got to be some way to help people that think like that to see the light, other than polarizing them against you by calling them a bitch.

    • Manda’s argument is well put, and she is angry at this woman’s attack on other women. Instead of addressing her own problems, she attacks other women and holds them accountable for her marriage problems. Manda has absolutely no need to boost this woman’s ego. Sorry, but she is a controlling, bitch, and its not Manda’s job to make her feel better about that. The first step to getting better is accepting that there is a problem, right? Well, now this woman knows that there is a problem. Honestly, the woman of the original post needs to get a freaking grip because she is ruining her marriage by being a psycho control freak when she could just talk to her husband about her insecurities. But instead, she blasts their personal problems on the internet and bans her husband from social media. Please tell me again how Manda is the one that needs to be more concerned.

  17. Dude, the only time I cared that much about how another woman looked was when I was in denial that I wanted to in fact FUCK the other hot girls I was lamenting. Sounds like someone has a little secrettttt….

  18. First off, Manda well written response! It’s great have everything you’re thinking with regard to unfortunate people lyrically spelled out.

    Whats most troubling about this issue as a whole is what people learn from organized religion, because from much of what this woman says she comes across as religious.

    The thought process, which most organized religions operate on, that assumes that the best way to keep people from doing “wrong” is through complete restriction has not put much attention into the way the human mind works because this restriction more often than not just results in irresistible taboo.

    People should be open to educated experiences, ie: sex, and then discuss and educate themselves on the emotions and results that surface.

    Cheers to a future society that properly educates its people.

  19. A friend posted a link to this blog post on FB, and the headline was up on my screen as my wife and I were headed out to dinner with our two teenage boys.

    It lead to a nice teachable moment where we talked about it being perfectly normal and healthy for members of a committed couple to look at, admire, or otherwise find others attractive.

    My wife’s take-away comment was, “your dad can look at all the boobs he wants, as long as mine are the only ones he touches.”

  20. This was wonderfully said. Exactly how i would have stated and felt, THANK YOU! I had to go ahead and unfriend a bunch not to long ago because they had complained about this similar situation. It’s just better if they just stayed off social media entirely.

  21. Thanks for the post Manda! I think it’s so sad when people like the OP get caught up in controlling their SO’s behavior (in this case I’d call it codependency). I’m gonna make a wild guess that people who make similar posts have SO’s with unhealthy porn habits, and they’ve felt so helpless about what the other says they’ll quit doing (but don’t), that they’ve become addicted themselves to trying to fix their SO’s problem. Now, whether or not a person thinks compulsive porn habits are a big deal or not is up to them, but even so, every relationship is going to run into similar opportunities for codepency, right? How do you avoid it?

  22. Very interesting to read from both sides of the coin in this article. I think it makes me sad to see the insecure woman posting about her rocky marriage and her desire to save it and seems to be (from the maturity of her writing style) and older woman struggling with the flood of social media. Then to see the younger more confident woman (also picking up from the picture and language of her posts) commenting about her concerns in a defensive way rather than offering words of encouragement when given this great opportunity to remind this older woman who doesn’t seem as controlling and more of a weakened side of insecure. It seems her fear that her husband looks at these women isn’t proven since she doesn’t mention catching him constantly looking as she more mentions how afraid she is that he might look and give into temptation and compare her to someone SHE sees as more beautiful. I wish that the person commenting in the article could have not immediately sought out to create an angry response – as that seems to be what is wrong a lot in this world when defensive people just lash out – and might have responded in a way that could have built up an insecure older woman who is afraid of the flood of social media. I don’t think posting pictures of vacations are a bad thing at all and those in a marriage based on trust and true love can withstand much more than this but I also think dialing down the anger and offering support is a much better alternative and might create more of an inner peace for both women on opposing sides in this article.

  23. I feel really bad for the first woman because now everyone calling her controlling, a nut job, a bitch, etc.

    Personally I think she does need help, but I don’t say this in a condescending or able-privileged manner. I say this in a manner that is empathetic and understanding of jealously and insecurities.

  24. You are complaining because she is stating her opinion???? You are complaining because she is judging???? Maybe you should take a look in the mirror -

  25. And yes. This is so true. I think the author of the first article has some very sexist nonsensical ideas clouding her mind. I feel sorry for her.

    Oh and you look great!

  26. I love this post! In more ways than one… There is one thing that the woman points out about today’s image of women… Though it is highly misconstrued…. I am a 26 year old female who has constantly struggled with weight… I was never happy… to me it has always been a struggle not to look at the media and ask myself why do Ilook like this and they look like that…. Before you slam me… I want you to know I am an NPC Bikini Competitor and am a personal trainer… But I’m still at fault with my body …I feel because of an over sexualized society… I not at all blame the BEAUTIFUL women who are WORKING and making a living…. Shit I would too! But I think with Photoshop ( and not saying ALL are photpshopped) it has made it harder to feel comparable… Because that’s what women do. I think we women need to come together and support one another! This lady has it all wrong… She needs to let go of his leash and collar… Because regardless he is going to run away! Great post!

  27. Great post! I’m a jealous person, but I agree with you on all but one thing: happy people can and do cheat. Being in love with two people at once can happen. It sucks, though.

  28. I’m a guy, hence the “Mr.” in my name, and this lady is 100% correct. How insanely ignorant must that lady be to think anything she said is in the slightest bit ok? Not only is she wrong, she is, as mentioned, a bitch. Both men and women look at the opposite, or same, sex. Whether single, or, ESPECIALLY in a relationship. Social Media has for a lack of a better term, revolutionized the way we see the world, better yet the opposite (or same) sex. We look, we allll look. There’s a colossal difference in looking, and gawking. You don’t disrespect you’re SO (I like how you did that btw), by gawking, especially with them present. But everyone “looks”, it’s in our nature. If you love and/or trust your SO, you understand there’s temptation. But you wouldn’t be concerned if your in a happy, heath, trusting relationship.
    I’m gonna go out on a limb and day that ladies marriage isn’t gonna last all to long, unless he’s a complete fool. There’s no way he didn’t know she was psychotic prior to marrying her. But, you never know.

    Great article though.

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