Last week one of my Facebook friends posted a link to a blog entry titled My Husband Doesn’t Need to See Your Boobs (post has since been deleted, find it here instead) I didn’t want to click on it, because I was sure it would piss me off — so of course I ended up reading it on my disaster flight and immediately became full of rage. The post is about the author’s husband having Facebook friends that post pictures of themselves in bikinis, and how it’s wrong. Yes, you read that right. Apparently any time any girl posts bikini pics on Facebook, it’s about this blogger and her husband. I bet all of their female friends sit around and just wait to take bikini photos so they can make this woman’s life and marriage miserable. Anyway, this bitch removed the ability to leave comments, so I have no choice but to write about her article here.

She starts off with some story about wearing slutty khakis in high school and then being a prude for the rest of her life. After the introduction to what it’s like to be insane, we get down to the nitty gritty.

I’m not writing to chastise you for posting your bikini pics from your lake outing. I suppose we all have enough criticism via blog spaces.

Um, what? What does that even mean? You are clearly writing an entire blog entry to chastise people for posting bikini pics, and a passive aggressive comment that “we all have enough criticism via blog spaces” only drives that home.

But I am writing to share the perspective of a woman who is fighting for her marriage. And for that reason, I want to tell you that I don’t need my husband to see your boobs.

I’m just writing from the perspective of a woman who is in a happy and committed long distance relationship. And for that reason, I want to tell you that I never tell my boyfriend who to look at, nor do I monitor his newsfeed. Because guess what? If a picture of some girl with bigger boobs than mine makes him lose interest in me, we have bigger problems than social media. Take some responsibility – happy people don’t cheat. I’m not blaming the victim, but a relationship is a two person deal, and a picture of a friend in a bikini isn’t going to make or break anything.

Anyways, what I’m saying is I don’t fault you. I don’t blame you for being confident enough to let the world see how good you look in front of the waves with your coozie and ballcap and barely anything else.

But I want to tell you that it’s a stumbling block in our marriage.

Is it, though? I know you’ve amended your blog to say you aren’t insecure, but you are a liar. Either you’re married to a 15 year old boy, or you are incredibly insecure — even if you don’t realize it. Do you know what is really unattractive? Telling your SO not to look at other women. Telling them it’s a stumbling block. If my boyfriend took my magazines and ripped out the pages of shirtless men before I was allowed to read them, we wouldn’t be together much longer. And why do you think any other woman cares? Here’s an example of something another woman should feel bad for doing: “I don’t blame you for being confident enough to let my husband see how good you look in front of our bed, with my inherited crystal wine glass in your hand and your thong on and nothing else. But I want to tell you that when you sneak into my house to seduce my husband, it’s a stumbling block in our marriage.”

When I scroll through my news feed, my thumb moves in a continuous circular motion until something catches my eye and I want to look closer. And then I tap on the picture and make that little swipe with my thumb and pointer finger so I can zoom in just as close as I can to capture all the details.

Thank you for explaining Facebook.

I’m especially bad about this when there is a line of bathing suits in the pic. AND I’M A GIRL.

Mostly I’m looking at your legs asking myself, How are there seriously people without cellulite????

Well, I used to have cellulite until Crossfit made me do a bunch of squats. But don’t worry…every squat I do, all I think about is the bikini pictures I will get to post that will hopefully ruin someone’s marriage. Virtual marriage ruining is what gets me through my work out. It’s completely about YOU.

I doubt my husband is so lucky. Actually, I know it’s next to impossible to take in images like those and erase them from his mind. Because our men are much less emotional and are much more visual. And as quickly as I can forget your picture, it is filed away in his mind, ready to be pulled back out whenever he so chooses.

Maybe this is the solution. Just write on every picture, “Thank you for posting! My hubby has it filed away in his spank bank for later on!” I guarantee these girls will unfriend the both of you, and problem solved!!!

Again, I am not faulting you. And by no means am I faulting him. This man of mine diverts his eyes from whatever questionable images flash on the screen before him. But sometimes the temptation is too much.

Really? Because every word of your post sounds like you are faulting all other women, ever. And I guess hubby can do no wrong, huh? But seriously. Do you not go to the pool or beach together? Does he keep his eyes shut? Do you poke them out? What happens? Do you only vacation at public beaches in Kuwait? Oh, the evil temptation of girls in swimsuits! I wish there were more countries where you still went to jail for wearing a bikini!!

After Memorial Day, I noticed so much skin on social media that I half-yelled a warning to him as I ran out the door one morning. It’s summertime, honey! Beware the beach pics and half nude girls on Instagram! And like that, he was in solitary confinement from all virtual community for the next two days.

……..You are a terrible, miserable controlling woman and I expect you will be cheated on in no time. I cannot even imagine how my SO would respond, but I know if I was told this, I’d be changing those locks before you got back.

Protecting his eyes, protecting his heart.

More like protecting his brain and potential migraine from hearing his Debbie Downer wife bitch at him for going on the internet. Do you know you can watch orgies with like 50 women fully nude on the internet? And you’re worried about FACEBOOK? Facebook who won’t let nips show in pics???

When your bare shoulders and stretchmark-less bellies and tanned legs pop up, I not only worry if my husband will linger over your picture. I worry how he will compare me to you.

Please, tell me more about how you aren’t insecure.

But would you, could you, keep your boobs out of my marriage? You can have your memories, and we can have our sacred hearts. And we can all get along in beautiful harmony.

I think the better option is for you to delete your accounts on all forms of social media. Better safe than sorry.

Anyone who feels the need to passively aggressively make a sad little blog entry about girls in bikinis instead of directly confronting girls or, you know, getting over it, seems like they are doomed from the start. No way this chick has a great marriage. I’d understand more if she wrote this directed to HBO or photoshopped women in Vogue or almost anything else. As it stands, all she has done is come across as a controlling and demanding wife, and as a self-centered bitch. Not all Facebook picture are about you, lady. I can basically give you my personal guarantee that none of the people posting anything are thinking about you — well, except now they probably are.

For your husband:

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Yes, I also support your right to wear leggings. Check me out on Facebook, Instagram (your best bet for more pool pics), and Twitter; subscribe to my blog here
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527 Comments

  1. This was great! I can’t even comment coherently without turning this into a novel. Thank you for writing this so we can all enjoy 🙂

    1. Her original article is not about being insecure in my opinion it is a moral statement, based on her beliefs as to her perception of what people find ok or appropriate to post online. She does bring out some valid points as to the workings of a mans mind. I know most of you will jump all over this but come back in ten, fifteen years when your saggy, married, and frustrated with a husband who spends extra time scrolling down from pictures posted by women much younger and hotter than yourselves and comment again. I think a dash of wisdom and experience may make you a bit more sympathetic

      1. I was once slender, young and pretty. Now, I’m twenty years married, and yes, saggy. That’s life – I’ve had my time! I don’t know if my husband looks at photos of younger women, and I really don’t care. If a photo of a random stranger who looks great in a bikini is a threat to my marriage, then my marriage has bigger issues. The time we are able to spend together is too precious, and too much fun, to waste on jealousy and insecurity.

      2. Yup,
        You can do 1 of 2 things to prevent this. Get your body in shape so it wont be a disappointment. Or leave the husband that makes you miserable. Not blame everyone but yourself. Both you have the power to control. Not everyone can age beautifully, but you can age gracefully.

      3. I am happily married with one kid. I am still a size 2 because I didn’t allow myself to gain 60 lbs. in pregnancy (25lbs exactly, 140 lbs @ 40 weeks) and worked back to where I was (took 2 months to drop to size 2 and lost 30 lbs). My husband loves me, and wants me, like he did from day 1.

        And guess what? We’ve watched porn together. With no problems arising from it. I know he wants me, and vice versa. Bikinis are nothing, seen them once, you’ve seen them all. Besides, despite men being more visually aroused, they do not attach any emotion to that viewing. (Mine doesn’t, but then again I please mine in the best possible ways.)

        Maybe she should start dressing sexy for her husband and get into shape. Have sex often, and make it worth double. Fuck the shit out of him. Then neither would give a damn about bikinis. Me playing in a bikini with my husband and 4 year old should be nothing compared to the moans she gives him in bed at night. So yes, if I want to show off my awesome rib cage tattoo with my family, I have every right to it. And my husband can look at girls in bikinis, or completely nude for all I care as long as he doesn’t touch.

      4. We ALL get old and saggy – SO WHAT?? it’s called aging and other than plastic surgery – it’s going to happen to everyone eventually. The first article was so ludicrous and REEKED of insecurity I’ll come back here in 10-15 years when we are ALL a little bit saggier, married or not, but I won’t be frustrated with a husband who spends time looking at pictures of younger, prettier, less saggy women because i’ll be looking at pictures of hunky hot men. It’s a two-way street my friend.

      5. the point is if your husband stops seeing you as attractive when you’re “saggy married and frustrated” because he’s busy checking out younger, perkier options, the problem is him. not the other girls. and if you’re frustrated in your marriage you need to talk with your husband and work things out. not start blaming other people for your problems.

      6. Alright well I may not be old saggy or frustrated but I do have a boyfriend of 6 years and a three year I’d daughter. I’m not the prettiest or skinnier girl. I also am not tan and have a perfect stomach but guess what I still wear a bikini with stechmarks and all. And whether she thinks something moral standards are in the wrong place c e or not it isn’t up to her to judge anyways. It’s not for her to judge what other women wear or how they look in that but she is. She is extremely insecure and you can tell by what she is saying in her post. I don’t wear a bikini for married men to stare at my boobs I wear it because I can. It is what I like and I wear what I like. I don’t change what I do because someone doesn’t like it. Like my job I work for a casino. Some people think casinos are bad so am I going to go find a different job because people don’t like casinos? No that’s rediculous. And by God a casino is worse than any woman in a bikini. They drag in anyone from scrum off the side of the road to happily married men and woman and make them spend half if not more of their money and hardly give any back. At least these woman are just pictures and not actually in your husband’s rooms taking their money and them away from you. If I have to worry about my boyfriend of 6 years looking at girls pictures and leaving me then I must be doing something wrong. Not him.

      7. Added years shouldn’t equal saggy body, or exhaustion. It isn’t the end all be all. There are plenty of women who make the time to eat healthy, workout, and aren’t saggy. If you make it a point to take care of your body and mind, added years shouldn’t matter. Women obsess and dread getting older, cause we have been taught that we will be saggy, wrinkly, grey, and tired. You don’t have to be. There are many woman who are breaking this mold and how are they doing it? By not letting insecurities rule them and taking the time to take care of themselves. It’s time that women stop making excuses and start taking better care of themselves. Take time for you, you deserve it and your body NEEDS it. Its not about a dash of more wisdom either. Men are men. They will look at other women. As well as you will look at other men too. If you let it bother you and try to control your significant other that is what is unattractive. Not that you don’t look like a 21 year old when your in your 40s. And if that is what your significant other wants it’s what they want. You can’t stop it, and obsessing over it only pushes them further away. Confidence is the most attractive quality in my opinion. It trumps wither you have cellulite, or stretch marks. Stop making excuses and start making changes within yourself.

      8. @ Yup – Where you are failing here is in addressing the root problem. You are saying “Wisdom will temper your opinion – when you are old and your husband is checking out younger women, you will feel the writer’s pain.” The suggestion resulting from this assessment is “Well, women should be more modest in respect of that fact.” Wrong-o. The root problem is not immodest photos posted by women – the root problem is that men in our society are given the green light to treat women like sex objects from essentially the time they can understand spoken language onward. With that fact in mind, a man looking at women in swimsuits in and of itself still isn’t a bad thing. However, it is assumed in our current social setting that any man who is looking at a picture of a woman immediately starts fantasizing about having sex with her. Given our current social climate (as mentioned before, the climate where boys and men comment first on a woman’s appearance and second on abilities and other characteristics that give her actual value in society), this is probably a safe assumption. However, if you are married to a guy who is so tainted by society today that he can’t help but immediately objectify women when he sees them….well, as the writer says, you have way bigger problems than just social media.

        Look, photos are to capture life events – people and places that we hope to cherish for a very long time, or perhaps even forever (at the very least until our hard drive, which we inevitably forgot to back up, crashes). It’s not reasonable, and DEFINITELY not fair, to expect every woman who ever wants to remember her memorable trip to the lake to put on a sweater and loose jeans every time she wants to take a photo. These proclaimed “immodest” photos aren’t the issue – society immediately viewing the female body as little more than a flesh-pot is.
        Just two cents, from a guy who is really trying to see the problems in himself and his own sex before shaming women. *shrug.

      9. Perhaps she should not be participating in any photo sharing sites (instagram and facebook are both mentioned) if she doesn’t agree with those sites’ policies about photo content, because if they are there, they clearly aren’t violating any policy.

      10. Agreed.. I mean I’m 25 and pretty good looking but there are a lot of women out there that are showing a lot of skin.. but even just normal pics of women can catch a man’s eye…it’s something you just have to deal with unless your Muslim and don’t live in the usa..

      11. I have been with my husband (happily) for a decade and I can say a few things with the “wisdom” you speak of.
        1- things are just as saggy or non-saggy now as they were ten years ago.
        2- if you’re miserable in your marriage, chances are you need to reevaluate and possibly go your separate ways.
        3- I don’t care if my husband sees a cute girl in a bikini. It’s called trust. If he wants to screw up the last decade with me for some chick with perkier bobs than I have, so be it. Chances are I don’t need that BS anyway.

        I am happy in my marriage and so is he, but we have a trusting relationship. Since day one we have had the understanding that if I’m not happy/he’s not happy, we talk about it and work through it. If he decides to follow his manly bits to greener pastures then that’s no ones fault but his. And it’s not my fault, nor is it the fault of the girl in the bikini that posts her boobs on FB.

      12. You are just lumping all men into a single statement. Like all men are unable to stop themselves from viewing women as anything other than sexual objects.

      13. I genuinely feel bad that you, or anyone, chooses to try to validate this woman’s perspective on social media. Moral statement…Please understand that if this was truly a Moral March it would not include anything about her husband and the toll that social media takes on their, clearly, trust laden and rock-solid marriage, and it would be based solely on the scantly clad women on social media. She openly stated,”…I half-yelled a warning to him as I ran out the door one morning. ‘It’s summertime, honey! Beware the beach pics and half nude girls on Instagram!’…” . First of all, it is apparent that this woman is so consumed by this, that she thinks about this so much, issuing a warning to her husband about photos on Instagram is the last thing she does before she leaves for work. I have to mirror “Manda’s” comments and reiterate that Instagram is the last thing that she should be worried about her husband looking at online. This comment alone is wrapped in neon lights and reeks of insecurity.

        “…valid points of a man’s mind.”…I honestly don’t know what possessed you to give credit to someone for basically saying that men are visually stimulated by attractive women. Either of the following expressions would be an acceptable summation of that thought process: “Thank-you, Captain Obvious” or “No Shit, Sherlock”. To begrudge these woman who have confidence and are comfortable in swim wear, their right to display photographs of their happiness, is shameful. If your husband’s eyes open wide at the sight of a tight bodied 20-something, it is normal. If he is masturbating 3 times a day and not paying attention to you then there may be a problem, but it isn’t with the girls on FACEBOOK. The problem is between the married couple. There, is your moral issue.
        Love cannot exist without trust.

        Experience and wisdom…I have both, but the key ingredient that your recipe seems to lack is a spoonful of common sense. It is unfortunate that you choose to turn a blind eye to blatant insecurity issues, which is probably where your sympathy should be directed. I know I feel bad for a woman that is in a failing marriage. I feel even worse for the fact that she feels the need to lash out, unjustifiably, at women and have the nerve to even hint that their images are negatively affecting her marriage. That truly is sad and deserves sympathy.

        **Side note: http://abcn.ws/1lU17xi This is a Good Morning America story…its about a woman posting a picture of her in a bikini and much more. Celebrate your body ladies. If you work hard for what you have or you were just blessed by the good lord and are confident and comfortable with posting pictures wearing less than a turtleneck and mom jeans, go for it. If a married man is checking out your photos and the wife gets jealous, and goes insane implying that maybe it be best you put clothes on for the sake of her marriage…just remember it is not your photos that are dirty, but their marriage that needs a clean up. **Drops the mic**

      14. “If your husband’s eyes open wide at the sight of a tight bodied 20-something, it is normal. If he is masturbating 3 times a day and not paying attention to you then there may be a problem.”

        Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner! Thank you!

      15. I just say if in 10 -15 years that you let yourself start sagging and your husband doesn’t like sagging then that should have been your focus before worrying about who do keep their bodies up to par. I’ve seen many sagging women with husbands that love them to death and they don’t worry about the next hot looking woman. The issue still comes down to the two people in the relationship and not the outside world. so the original article writer needs to change with perception other than point their fingers outward.

      16. Moral standpoint? In what context? Did I stumble upon comments section-induced time travel and land in Puritan-era New England?! Are we a-going a-witch huntin’ tonight?!?! Bet I’ll bag me a big, slutty one!!!

        Anywho….

        At the core, the reason the target is not liked is because she believes this is her world and we’re all just living in it. As opposed to attempting the obvious solution of unfriending those who post their unsavory husband mind-fucks (her words, not mine), she demands all of the women she has friended stop posting pictures where they look good. What. Let me say that again: she demands all of the women stop posting pictures where they celebrate their attractiveness. And, according to her, the pictures are simultaneously OK and horribly not OK. How on earth is that NOT deserving of all of womankind’s ire? It’s self-centered narcissism at its finest, backed, I’m sure, by an inflated sense of religious superiority and entitlement… i.e. Everything I hate most in this world. I bet, in another life, she was a kamikaze pilot. With cellulite.

    2. Thanks for the replies, however, i will stand on my original statement. I think she is making a moral statement as to her perceived decline in morality by using the example of pictures people post. In this sense it is an opinion based on what i can gather a religious stand coming from the wording of a few of her statements. I would gather most readers do not have the same convictions which is fine but based on the numerous comments that go for the very heart of this author i still think a little more consideration is called for. Back to an early comment about the three blind men describing an elephant i think we have only a small idea of what prompted her to write. She is obviously going through a hard time. I am not even saying there are not things she could do to make it better but the tone of the replies is in no way constructive but destructive. Regardless of whether or not this has been a problem in your marriage or not, all of us have faced difficulties of our own doing and needed comfort not criticism. Perhaps her only mistake is posting the article and should have shared her thoughts with friends and not the web.

      1. She’s not just sharing her insecurities – That’s fine and, in all honesty, admirable. But no, she’s not just doing that, she’s snidely demanding people change their way of life to APPEASE her insecurities. Therein lies the rub: Bend to my whim! she bellows tearfully into the night (probably). Bend! Or my passive-aggressive blogs will seethe evermore with Christian epithets!

        And since I haven’t seen evidence of Godwin’s Law appear on this thread yet (and, frankly, am a little disheartened by that) I’ll go ahead and be the one who throws it out there: you know who else was insecure and made people bend to his insecurities? Hitler.

    3. Agreed. My first time reading your blog, and in the 12 years I have been writing one, I have never laughed so hard at the idiocy of another woman’s nonsensical jealousy.

    4. @Get Real- congrats on working hard and getting back to your pre-pregnancy weight! That being said, I don’t think it’s fair to insinuate that had you not gotten back to that exact weight that he wouldn’t still want you the same. I think I know what you’re saying but I also think you post sends a but of a negative message. Like, If I don’t stay super thin and exactly the same, he won’t want me as much.

      I’m sure you rock, as do lots of other kick ass women. Being healthy and confident is very important and it sounds like you are. Keep that up!

  2. I think you both are wrong and close-minded. Although she shares way to much about her personal life and opinions, why should you ruthlessly tear her apart in this blog post? She may be insecure and decided to write a blog post about it, but it shouldn’t merit a nasty blog post from you, with your snarky comments on her marriage. Who the hell are you? Your opinions are as shallow as hers are insecure. Why we choose to prey on each others insecurities is beyond me. To quote you “As it stands, all she has done is come across as a controlling and demanding wife, and as a self-centered bitch. Not all Facebook picture are about you, lady. I can basically give you my personal guarantee that none of the people posting anything are thinking about you — well, except now they probably are.” A) Aren’t you doing the same thing by making this about you and your opinions? B) You’re right about one thing, people posting on FB aren’t thinking about her… these days all people do is think about themselves, including yourself.

    1. Those above posters are not the closed minded ones. SO WHAT if I want to post my vacation pictures in, *gasp*, my bikini. If some dude’s crazy wife is jealous that I choose to take care of my body-too bad. If said husband chooses to drool over my vacation pictures because his wife is too damn busy micromanaging his life to get into a gym-too bad! Who are we? Who is that damn lady? Who is she to judge us, and BLAME us for HER failing marriage. Stand up and take responsibility. Maybe if she weren’t so obsessed with what her husband can and cannot see, she could spend some time having fun with her husband. If he was enjoying their life and time together-I guess he wouldn’t really have time to stalk my pictures. If she wants to take aim at any and every woman who wears a bikini and posts a picture on a social media site, then she should probably expect to get a swift and heavy-handed response.

      1. To quote your ever so favorite blog post “Not all [blog posts] are about you, lady. I can basically give you my personal guarantee that none of the people posting anything are thinking about you”.

      2. Funny you use the word judge. It would seem that is exactly what you are doing to her. Let me explain “failing marriage” i dont think she used those words it has some struggles but failing is a judgement statement that might not be accurate. “Micromanaging his life to get into a gym” yet another assumption that may the exact opposite of the truth they could be a perfectly fit couple by magazine standards. In short i think you jumped the gun wrote a blazing response with little or no thought and are equally guilty or making judgmental statements. Just of few considerations to take into account before you post again.

      1. YES. Thank you for understanding and perfectly articulating such a simple yet apparently difficult concept to grasp.

      1. Laura, I’m not sure if this is the author of the original post that this one is criticizing, but if so, I would like to apologize to you on behalf of every woman who read this post, but never went to check out your actual post before judging you. When I first read this one, I laughed and made a snarky remark or two because I had not yet seen the context of the pieces that came from the original. Now, I have not only read that post, but others on your blog and I can see that you are none of the things this writer is trying to portray you as. You are a beautiful woman and child of God, who I believe is trying to speak to the women who feel like posting sexually objectifying pictures of themselves is not hurting anyone and showing them just one example of who is hurting from it. As you clearly stated from the very beginning, the talks on modesty used to make your skin crawl so you decided to take a different approach. I’m sorry that your post was met with such cruelty simply because they did not understand your intentions. I’m sending prayers your way.

      2. awww…yah mad bro? Freedom of speech is a two way street. The controlling bitch with an opinion on what other’s should wear isn’t the only one with an opinion.

    2. This is exactly right!!!! I couldn’t have said it any better myself! I feel heartache for the first lady but this blog right here is way beyond me. Too shallow!!!!

    3. Her blog post is not intended to personally prey on, or attack this woman. Maybe she is driving her points home about people in this situation, or with that mindset, by using her comments and post as a reference point in order to make examples that the readers will be able to relate to and compare to??

      Nah, she is obviously trying to create a feud between her and the other woman.

      She is right about what she said, especially in reference to everyone who feels the way that the first woman does about their relationship and about the content posted on social media.

      One last thing. I’m sure the author of this post does not ACTUALLY think that woman is a controlling, demanding, or self centered human being. She is simply using her as an example for the readers, so we can see that that kind of BEHAVIOUR comes across in that manner.

      Loosen up and read between the lines. (I know it is mentally challenging, but critical thinking and critical analyzing skills go a long way in this world).

    4. P.s. The fact still remains, the author of this blog post is right, and what she said is true. Regardless of the fact that more women need a little bit more self constraint and self respect in regards to the pictures they post… That doesn’t change the fact that the first blog in question is completely ridiculous and full of falacies and improper claims, thoughts, and deductions.

    5. I share some your emotions Lana, but to me all this is good 🙂 I mean, the initial woman is currently insecure and miserable, trying to find her way out of misery the best she can. She writes about it. And now this blogger, Manda, judges and kinda punishes the initial woman for being in the situation she is in and doing what she does. To me, both are still blind but both are trying hard to find the light… And thank God, both are writing about it, which is one of the wonderful, and free, ways we all have as a way out of anything and leading to light 🙂

    6. Obviously you have problems yourself. So she posted about something that bothers her. I thought the woman should have left
      her thoughts about bikinis to herself as well. Who the hell are YOU? You feel a little headstrong now that you get to be blog police? Good for you… Have a nice time commenting on people’s beliefs. Hope you at least understand sarcasm as well…

    7. If she didn’t want the world to know her and her appent problems in her marriage MAYBE she should keep her ridiculous request to herself…duh. And BTW kettle you’re black.

  3. To say that “happy people don’t cheat” is very atavistic, over simplifying, and does not contribute to your idea. Yes, if you’re afraid someone is going to cheat on you something is wrong. But saying that happy people don’t cheat puts the responsibility on the person being cheated on, where they are in no way responsible. The cheater chooses their actions. If they are unhappy; fix it, or end it. It sounds like you’re saying cheating is an unavoidable, uncontrollable consequence for apparently insecure women. Please slow your roll, calm down, and worry more about yourself. Though you made some fair points, the unfair ones stuck with me much more. Try some feminism. You’ll feel better.

    1. I disagree. If the original blog poster wants to somehow blame chics in bikinis for her marriage issues-she needs a wake up call. Either one or both of them is not happy and THAT is what is ruining their marriage. It may not be him. If she’s not happy with herself, which she’s CLEARLY not, then no one else can make her happy. That is her fault. If she can’t love herself-why does she expect her husband to? Maybe if she stopped her complaining and comparing and just focused on them she wouldn’t have to put her insecurities on every other innocent women in a bikini.

  4. I don’t get how somebody could live like this. How does one sleep when one spends so much mental and emotional energy worrying that one’s spouse saw a picture of somebody attractive. Does he watch TV or movies? Is it different because these are “real people” he knows? There are folks on every part of the continuum of hotness in my husband’s feed (and mine). I honestly can’t fathom worrying about it. I’m far from perfect, my body’s far from perfect. My husband’s not perfect either. We have our arguments, but I give countless more shits about him contributing to household chores than about whether somebody’s wearing a bathing suit on his Facebook feed. I have no reason not to trust. No reason to think he whacks off to pictures of our friends after I’m asleep (um, there’s actual porn on the interwebs for that, he can do better in the arousal department than FB, and power to him…I’m tired and I don’t put out daily). I just can’t imagine . Can ‘t fathom the anxiety and insecurity. Just can’t comprehend worrying about it.

  5. Dear men with perfectly sculpted bodies and chiseled jawlines: Stay away from this woman, especially if you wear a uniform, and even more especially if you maybe just took off your shirt. Lord only knows what her eyes will do to her marriage if she catches a glimpse.

  6. As a man, I must say, this blog to which you responded is the exact reason why so many men are actually boys. Instead of placing the blame on the individual which it should be placed, the blame is placed on the innocent bystander. If your man (read: boy) has roaming eyes which affect your man, then he needs to grow up and become a man (read: man). Do not blame or force your agenda on the female posting pictures which have no sexual agenda (of course that is not to say some don’t do this). Call a spade a spade; this woman is insecure and probably rightly so. She needs to find a real man, and get over herself. Trust is such an attractive quality.

  7. A lot of people are saying THIS post is the nasty one…yeah, she’s pretty direct, but the original post pretty much provoked it. How could you NOT get mad over some woman pretty much demanding strangers to edit their Facebook posts according what she thinks is okay for herself and her marriage. I don’t even have a “Crossfit body” with no cellulite and perfect boobs, nor do I post bikini pics. I have no urge to–but I also don’t care if others post pictures of themselves. As a wife, I’ve come to accept there’s ALWAYS going to be younger, slimmer, sexier women. If my husband decides to leave me for one of them–that will suck, but OK. I don’t want to prolong my marriage by a few days by trying to censor what my husband views. Like Manda, I don’t review or control what my husband does/views online. I trust him. If he cheats, that’s up to him–he probably would no matter what sort of controls I tried to force on him. But right now, I trust him. He’s earned it. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t be with him.

    And honestly, I don’t even need to read the rest of the other article. From just the excerpts, I can confidently agree she DOES sound like a bitch. Maybe she’s not…but she sure wrote a bitchy article.

    1. I’d like to get your opinion on women who wear revealing clothing… hell, a bikini even, and get raped. Was is provoked??? Did she deserve it??? It’s called freedom of speech. so what if she wrote a blog post about here life. We all have that same freedom. So did the woman who wrote this blog, I may not agree with it but I don’t really get why everyone has to be so evil to each other.

      1. The web is anonymous and it’s an easy way to speak your mind with no real repercussions. Most people are mindless zombies that love to jump on band wagons with little or no thought. Much like the three proverbial blind men describing the elephant, couch pundits love two let everyone know what the “elephant” looks like without the big picture. Too much mouth and too little heart.

      2. Well, in response to “Yup”…not sure who you’re referring to, but at this point I’m hardly anonymous. Those are pictures of actual me, in my actual boyfriend’s actual house, and my actual, personal Facebook has been flooded with friend requests.

  8. This is the type of female who makes her husband share a FB account. You know, the ones… MattandJennifer Lastnamehere.

  9. Well… I see both sides of this. I’m not sure either person is “wrong” or “right”. The lack of empathy concerns me actually… perhaps this person is insecure and struggling… I don’t think this helped… lol. But both people here expressed concerns… and both posts seem to defensive in nature. It makes me feel like this issue is deeper than what was expressed for both women.

    1. When I first read this post, I was annoyed with the original poster. Then, I visited the original poster’s Facebook page (someone posted the link earlier) and all I could think was “Wow!” The original poster is a woman with purpose who uses her blog for social justice issues and posting about missions, her religion, adoption, and that sort of thing. I’m going to give the original poster the benefit of the doubt, instead of attacking her on a blog written by someone who uses their blog to simply complain about things.

      I have several friends who share Facebook accounts with their husbands. I find it funny the same people offended by the original poster’s judgmental attitude are making judgements about couples who chose to share accounts.

      1. Maybe it’s an age thing. How old are you? I spent my entire summer before college waiting for my email address to use Facebook, and now my Facebook is my #1 form of communication…more than texting, certainly more than phone calls. I find that my specific age bracket of 24-28 is basically the exact same way. It’s akin to having my SO go through my phone. My friends who are 30+ do not tend to have the same attachment to Facebook, and anyone over 40 I assume will have joint Facebooks, just like my parents had a joint email.

  10. So, you guys were right: everyone liking and commenting on that idiot’s facebook page are indeed “AshleyNDwayne Campbell” or “JonandJayme Fallon,” etc. Bravo for writing this; I don’t understand how she’s such a “super” Christian when she continually judges other women. Frustrating.

    Here’s little Miss Apples & Bandaids herself: https://www.facebook.com/applesandbandaidsblog1

  11. I think no one has addressed the point of women in bikinis. As a woman with big breasts, I don’t know what woman can claim bikinis are the most comfortable choice. MOST women wear this uncomfortable article of clothing to flaunt their bodies, both to men and other women. However, in a setting with other bikinis, such as at a beach or pool, it is less obvious because most people are dressed the same way. However, posting the bikini pics on Facebook is taking this yet a step further—flaunting, “look at me,” and rather narcisstic, as a bunch of us in sweat pants are looking at you half naked. Most normal people wouldn’t post a picture of themselves in bras and panties; what is the difference? By posting a bikini pic, you intentionally shove sexuality in everybody’s faces, simultaneously wanting to be seductive/sexual, but then claiming innocence, as if you are “just chilling out at the lake.” You can’t be both innocent/non chalant and intentionally shoving your boobs in people’s faces at the same time. I see this woman’s point, sorry!

  12. May God grant you a husband with an addiction to pornography that you don’t find out about until you are 2 years in, and we will see exactly how self confident you are and that will prove that this woman is a controlling bitch. It’s always fun to eat crow.

    1. I don’t think God grants vindictive wishes like that.

      I’m sorry about your experience, but if you think her behavior is normal, I suggest talking to a professional so that maybe one day you can have a healthy relationship.

      Thank you for the well wishes, love.

      1. I basically just addressed this in my novel of a post (sorry). But your response here is exactly the problem. You don’t think it’s “normal”…but this type of thing is exactly what the professionals you speak of are suggesting men with addictions do. Your ignorance truly is bliss. But don’t go hating on women who have been through the trenches with their husbands’ addictions simply because you do not understand and/or can’t comprehend.

        And what is a “healthy” relationship, anyway? Only those with secure women where sex abounds and both parties are happy all the time? Because that’s the vibe you’re sending and I’m just not sure a relationship like that even exists. If you’re in one, then I suggest you write a book b/c you have found the secret all marriages are seeking.

      2. Ugh I hate the internet. If you could be so kind as to delete my last comment. I thought I was posting anonymously and obviously want to protect my husbands personal life.

      3. I don’t think you’re behavior is “normal”. There is huge issue in our society with Bullying and I think that’s just what you are doing… promoting being absolutely horrible to someone because they are different than you. I agree, I don’t think God grants vindictive wishes but I certainly don’t think He is impressed by your blatant judgement on someone else’s life. I feel we are both motivated in this matter, my motivation is to uplift people, women especially, and i’m tired of you and everyone else bashing anyone who doesn’t think like you. I don’t agree with the first blog post and I don’t agree with yours. I don’t wish anything negative to happen to you or the other woman. I hope you both experience love and meet new people, that are different than you, that you hopefully can embrace and learn from. You could have a approached this in such a nicer way. Why did you choose to be so vicious? You words could have been used to empower, encourage and help.

    2. How do you make the leap from FB friends who post bikini pics to “porn addiction”?

      1. I think maybe my other posts have explained how, but in case Manda still doesn’t understand, I’ll keep it brief. A woman…a wife…who has suffered through the realization that her husband/SO has an addiction (to porn or sex or cybersex) and has gone through therapy with him to make things work in their marriage and to support him instead of settling for divorce…can easily read where the blogger is coming from. It’s painfully obvious. I don’t expect anyone who hasn’t been there to understand. Nor do I wish anyone to be able to. But I would hope that sympathy could still be found instead of resorting to hateful bashing against another woman.

      2. But the original blogger makes clear this is NOT AN ISSUE. You are simply projecting your baggage on someone else.
        A recovering alcoholic doesn’t tell the liquor store to get out of town just because they had a problem.
        So no, Manda still does not understand. Sorry.

  13. Really enjoyed your response as that particular blog pissed me off too. Your response actually reminded me of my sister’s blog response to Modest is Not Hottest. I’d like to read what y’all could come up with together lol. Here’s the link if you’re interested http://beboppin.WordPress.com/

  14. I’ve not read the original blog that prompted this, only what was quoted. But I feel safe in assuming you’ve never (knowingly) been in a relationship where your SO has had an affair (virtually or in person). Having seen my marriage hit the deepest of lows…completely torn apart…shattered to pieces…everything I knew ripped out from under me…I have an understanding of what this woman is trying to say more than you apparently do. You seem to just be under the grand delusion that only miserable, unhappy, sexually unsatisfied men cheat and that it’s all because their spouse is insecure or he’s not a “man.”

    Sexual addiction is a real thing. It doesn’t matter how happy the couple is…how sexually active they are…how secure the woman is…how “manly” the guy is…if there is an addiction hiding behind the curtains and not being addressed, it will begin to grow. The one with the addiction will slowly and surely begin to see how close he (or she) can get to the “line” without crossing it. And slowly but surely that line will move…what was once considered the stopping point is now something that is just no big deal…and eventually it ends up with inappropriate emails/messages with someone other than the spouse or cybersex or a physical affair. What-have-you. The addiction will take over and win. And psychologically speaking, the one with the addiction will continue to convince himself (or herself) that what he is doing is okay…justifying the behavior. Even if happiness is found at home. Even if sex is frequent. Even if he is a “man”. So for you to say that she cannot be in a happy relationship is downright offensive to me – one who was (and thankfully still is) in a happy marriage yet has faced the horrifying reality that her husband was having an affair.

    My husband hit complete rock-bottom when all of the ugliness came to light. We both went to therapy to work through all the crap that come with learning of an affair. You know what we learned…that this went a LOT deeper than what affairs seem to be on the surface. There is serious addiction there. And it’s not as easy to say it’s just a sexual addiction either. Sooooo many layers and sooooo complicated.

    Why is porn such a dominating force in our society? It’s not because there are so many unsatisfied men in our homes. It’s an addiction. You can’t just “quit” it. You have to train your brain. Just like those who are alcoholics or chain smokers…it is HARD work to quit an addiction. You have to completely change your “normal” to something new. So, for men struggling with porn/sex addictions…training their brains to stop taking an innocent glance at a scantly clad woman on TV or on the beach is necessary because it can quickly devolve into something more involved that lingers and hangs around. Working at not looking is their new “normal”.

    Remember that “line” I mentioned above? Would you bash a woman who won’t let her alcoholic, sober-4-months husband take just a small sip of beer? I mean, come on, he’s a “man” and surely he can handle a sip, right?! What if they went to socialize with a group of friends and she asked that they all leave the bottles hidden in the cabinets while they were there? Would you bash her for saying that? Sheesh, can’t their friends just enjoy a cold one!? Would you bash a woman for pulling a cigarette out of her husband’s hand…her husband who happens to have been a chain smoker for 20 years and is 30 days smoke free? Man, what a shitty, miserable, controlling wife she must be, right?! What if that same couple went into a bar and walked in realizing it was filled with smoke and the husband said he’d be fine…would you bash her if she made them leave? What a bitch, huh?! Or if they walked into a smoking friend’s house and she asked him not to smoke while they were there? Would you bash her?

    No, you wouldn’t. You understand these addictions because you can see the consequences. Alcoholics are abusive and mean and could end up with liver damage and dead. Heck, they kill others by getting behind the wheel. Smokers end up with lung cancer or emphysema. They can negatively affect the health of others through second-hand smoke. But what’s a few looks at vaginas online? Come on, who does that hurt? So what if a man looks at boobs and has some “fun” thoughts? No one dies from it. It’s no big deal.

    Except that it is. And it’s much bigger than you want to believe. And it rips families apart. Simply because you *think* your SO is okay looking at boobs…because you *know* your SO would never have an affair because you are happy and have sex all the time and you are secure in your being…because you can’t “see” the consequences of sexual addictions…then you can easily go on believing that only controlling, insecure, miserable women can expect their SOs to not look at boobs. It makes your life easier. And my word, let’s not even begin to consider that the husband may WANT his wife to help hold him accountable while he retrains his brain and works hard to end his addiction. Oh, my! You mean that there are men out there who are willingly working NOT to look at boobs?! What?! Perhaps…just perhaps…they are trying to save a marriage that means more to them than some scantly clad woman on the beach who they don’t know from Eve.

    And I’m not saying you’re completely at fault here for your hateful post. Because of the unseen nature of sexual addictions…and the unwillingness of women to open up about their experiences for fear of shame or embarrassment (b/c of posts like this that make them feel as if it is all their fault)…society as a whole does not acknowledge sexual addictions as true addictions like we do alcoholism or nicotine addictions. Sex addicts who’ve destroyed marriages don’t make the news like drunk drivers who’ve wrecked vehicles. There aren’t thousands of commercials and drugs out there to help sex addicts like there are for nicotine addicts.

    So while I hope you never truly understand how sexual addiction affects relationships (because I wouldn’t wish that hell upon anyone), I do hope that you take some time to consider that perhaps this woman isn’t just a controlling, miserable, insecure bitch, but, rather, is a woman and mother fighting for the life of her marriage and will do whatever it takes…which might just include making a generic request for women not to take bikini pics even though rational thought lets her know that there will still be boobs everywhere. Because sex sells. And it also destroys marriages.

    1. Jessica, as a recovering alcoholic with 17 years sober I can relate a lot to your post. BUT, you are missing one huge point. There was absolutely nothing in the original post to indicate the woman’s husband had any sort of sexual addiction whatsoever. In fact, she went out of her way to point out that he did not! If she had said that her husband was trying to recover from a sexual addiction, your comments would be very appropriate. I read the other blog post in it’s entirety, though, and saw nothing to indicate that was the case.

      In any event, the things that people become addicted to, be it sex, alcohol, or whatever, will always be there. It is up the the person in recovery to avoid his or her triggers. It’s not the rest of the world’s responsibility to coddle the addict. Would I expect people to not serve alcohol at a party because I’m coming? Of course not. And it would be even more ridiculous to ask your friends not to post bikini photos on FB because your husband is a recovering sex addict (which, again, was not the case here.)

      1. Charlie, after I posted my comment I went back and actually read the original blog. After reading it I was quite surprised that not only were my assumptions about her blog based on just the quotes listed here correct, but we actually used some of the same verbiage (e.g., “fighting for a marriage”). So then after reading your reply this morning I began second-guessing myself and that her blog is really about being in a marriage with a man with a sexual addiction. So I went back to read it again. I am not seeing where she went out of her way to point out that he does not have an addiction. I read over it a third time just in case I skimmed over it. Can you please tell me where she said this?

        As a woman who has been through the hell of finding out about my husband’s affairs and then his addiction…I do kind of feel like I have a “sixth sense” about when women are talking about their own marriage struggles. I can’t NOT read her blog and think anything other than they have obviously had issues/struggles in their marriage as it relates to a sex addiction (like porn). Why else would he have to “work his butt off” to divert his eyes? This is all language common to men who are battling the addiction. So while she didn’t come out and say her husband has an addiction, everything about the blog reads that way. But I can see how people who haven’t personally dealt with the consequences of such an addiction couldn’t see that. That’s why I was trying to clarify in my post that sexual addictions are real and extremely devastating to a marriage, and, consequently, the wife’s self-esteem. Everyone who is bashing her for being insecure…I would place money on her self-esteem and insecurities being far lower than they were before her husband’s struggles came to light. And until other women are put in this position (and I pray they never are), they can’t truly understand a woman’s struggle with her insecurities after realizing a husband’s affair (through porn or physical meetings).

        As for your recovery, I applaud you! 17 years is great! Way to go! Seriously. And I don’t expect people to coddle…but we don’t know where this man is in his struggle against porn (b/c I still believe that is an issue for him based on the blog). I’m not saying your struggle to say sober is easy…but it is easier now than it was 17 years ago, right? I would hope that your friends 17 years ago respected you enough to keep the alcohol away while you were in the depths of your battle against the addiction. If I knowingly have a friend who is a former alcoholic (17 days or 17 years) I don’t drink around him/her out of simple respect. Not because I am coddling. And I’m not pitting one addiction against another, but those with sex/porn addictions have an awfully difficult time in our sex-driven culture to avoid their downfalls. So while I don’t think this lady should literally expect women to not post their bikini pics (and I don’t think she believes her post has that much power), I do think she has the right to express her concerns and try to bring light to a very real struggle for thousands (millions?) of men across the country.

      2. You could be correct about where she is coming from. Without going back and re-reading the entire blog, I thought there was a line right before the one you quoted where she said something like “not that my husband gives me any reason to be concerned”. But I could be wrong.

        If you are right, I cut her a little more slack for feeling the way she does. But I would still believe she used poor judgment in expecting the outside world to help her protect her husband from his addiction. Life just doesn’t work that way, and the sooner an addict accepts that, the better.

    2. But….Sexual addiction doesn’t come up in this article, and not everyone who cheats is a sexual addict. I’m honestly not even sure that’s a real addiction, and neither is science. But even if we accept that it is, the premise doesn’t fit here, where that wasn’t discussed as an issue in the original post (which you didn’t read) or this one. Further, I’m not sure how or why you’d assume this woman has never been cheated on. I feel the same way she does, and some parts of this could’ve been penned by me, but I have been cheated on. Your response just doesn’t follow from what is written.

  15. Oh my god, yessssss to this whole entry!!! When I read the initial article, my husband and I just laughed and laughed and laughed!!! Not insecure my ass! She needs a marriage counselor and what pansy schmuck is she married to anyways? Good job on this response. It was totally my response too!!

  16. Great article. I’m just struck by how this lady seems to think all mens minds work alike. Seems pretty sexist to me.
    I don’t pretend to know how anyone’s mind works but i’ll tell you this, I have bigger thoughts in my head than kittens and shoes so I’m sure my other half isn’t obsessing over pictures of women on Instagram.

    If I was a male I would be pretty pissed at that crass generalisation.

  17. Boobie…… I check out women. And I am a women. I am secure enough in my own body and my own marriage to point out big breasted women to my darling husband.

  18. As a man reading this, I feel like the author is perpetuating the stereotype that women hate other women. It would have been just as easy to write this blog in a way that presented her argument without lashing out against the original author. I agree that girls can revel in the beauty of their youth if they so choose, and document it for all the interwebs to see. This wife has a right to her opinion though, and to plead her case, even if it does reveal insecurity and controlling tendencies.

    I do resent the way Manda lashed out, and her opinion lost most of its credibility when she started devaluing another human being. She also stated that “happy people don’t cheat,” which just isn’t true. I tried, unsuccessfully to date a girl with a sex addiction. She was happy with me, and didn’t want to lose me, but she couldn’t keep herself from cheating. There is little we have control over in this world. Catastrophic events can happen that change a person’s personality over night. It is in our interests to try to loose the reigns of life, because any semblance of control we think we have is a construct of our imagination. Manda clearly thinks she has relationships figured out, but I feel there will come a time when her ego gets a check-up.

    1. Sorry, no. What she’s portraying is that we get woman-on-woman blame for others’ relationship issues and for men’s sexual urges. And as a response to another article, it would’ve been pretty irresponsible (and unfriendly) not to quote from the article and link to it. That’s what responsible writers do—they acknowledge their sources, even when they’re disagreeing with them.

      1. She went a step beyond quoting the original author when she decided it was good entertainment to attack her verbally. Quote people all day long, cite their work, but do not dehumanize a person because you disagree with them. There was no reason to publicly humiliate or call the original author: insane, bitch, etc. I have no respect for a person who does this, even if I agree with his or her point of view.

      2. If somebody spoke out this way against someone you loved or cared about, you would be singing a different tune—even if said loved one had put their foot in the mouth. And if you wouldn’t stand up for them, that says a lot about you. You do realize you can agree with Manda’s argument, but not her method, right? You’re defending like a good little soldier, and I can’t help but wonder why.

      3. Oh, she’s part of my army, Joshua. You figured it out. Total takeover. Nothing but boobs and bikinis everywhere.

        People keep wanting to bring this back to sex addiction, which is bizarre, since the original blogger said that wasn’t an issue. Relevance?

        This is, to be fair, a blog called “A Blog About Things That Irritate Me.” It isn’t called “A Blog About Kittens and Sunshine.” If you expected I would be incredibly friendly and not at all sarcastic, I don’t know what to tell ya.

      4. I agreed with your point about women wearing and doing what they want. They definitely should. I disagreed with you saying that happy people don’t cheat. They do when they are sex addicts. Sarcasm is a second language, and I’m for it. Lambasting someone publicly, debasing them and devaluing them, is not something worthy of respect. In the future, you can do better.

    2. Joshua i completely agree with you. Unfortunately, Manda doesn’t have the ability to take a step back and look at anything from a different point of view. She’d never see the appeal in walking a day in another person’s shoes because she’s got it all figured out. Just what I gather from her countless debates where she doesn’t budge, or even try to see where anyone else could ever have a differing opinion than her own. Women are their own worst enemy.

      1. Yes, I’m such a bitch.
        I don’t see what there is to debate about here. It’s MY OPINION that the original blogger is promoting the rape culture we live in. I don’t hate her….but I hate her blog entry.

  19. Growing up in the Christian culture, I had the notion drilled into my head that it is our reponsibility as women to guard the eyes and the hearts of men because of this idea that they are more visually stimulated than women. I if I showed too much skin,

    I WAS SINNING

    by causing some man who

    COULDN’T CONTROL HIS OWN THOUGHTS

    to look at me and lust.

    THIS IS TOTAL BS!

    I’m pretty flat chested and yet I have still been told my shirt is too low cut or form fitting meaning your “man” is just as stimulated by fantasizing that I have something I don’t:

    a decent cup size!

    It is NOT my responsibility to keep YOUR pervert of a husband from getting off by seeing some pictures of my friends and I having a chill day at the pool. Maybe we want to record our memories to look back on in the future. Point is, I will post what I like on MY social media site. If you don’t like it,

    BLOCK ME.

    Just because I have a vagina doesn’t mean I have some magical power that keeps me from lusting over pictures of half naked men. I practice a little something called

    SELF-CONTROL

    and unless you are completely naive, your husband has this ability as well. It’s called being a

    GROWN-ASS-MAN.

    As far as the woman who went on a rant about sexual addictions and such, I don’t recall reading anything in the original post about this woman’s husband having that problem. Even if he did, why is it our job as women to censor our photo memories just in case this addict is flipping through our page?

    Ladies, reality check. Don’t blame each other for your SO’s wandering eye. Blame the eye that does the wandering. Besides, if the addiction is that severe, why do you even have internet access!? Cut the head off the viper.

      1. I’m like, 8 or 9 months late in seeing this but hell yeah. If you’re gonna be a drunk, wear it like a badge of sloppy honor and own your addiction instead of blaming the drinks that didn’t ask to be duct taped to your sweaty palms so you could play Edward effing Fourty Hands!
        >drops the 🎤<
        😏

  20. All I read about was hate in this. It’s really sad that people can’t get a point across without attacking other people. At least the other lady posted her opinion in a kind manner. People have long forgotten the concept of kindness. This is shameful. I agree with this post, it’s summer, take your bikini pics I sure as hell take mine but you won’t see me bashing another person because they believe it’s a stumbling block to their marriage…. I have no idea where their marriage has been and maybe it’s been through hell and back but she’s still holding on and fighting for it even in a world that tells her marriage is nothing but an experience with an easy divorce if needed. I’m sure that’s how Manda would solve her failing marriage, escape quick, ya know since we are all so quick to judge others around here.

  21. I don’t have a bikini body and am 41 but I’ve been blamed by many an insecure woman for “stealing” and “luring” husbands. I do have the boobs but I don’t wear bikinis. Point is that women will find a reason to blame other women instead of placing blame on the husband. Yes men are capable of self control. And yes married men have come onto me. Even the ones with skinnier wives. And NO I did not hook up with those men. Place the blame where it should go ladies. Stop being so catty and blaming women. Women are women’s worst enemies. Men are completely able to confine their sex to their women and themselves if they so desire. Also yes men are visual and if they don’t look at someone in a bikini they’ll look at someone even in regular clothes. Tend to your relationship and stop being a shrew. And if he’s still a loser after that drop him.

    1. I’m not going to say who’s right and who’s wrong but everyone keeps saying ‘women quit blaming other women and blame the man that can’t control his thoughts/actions’ BUT I have to agree and disagree. Point blank – It takes 2 to tango!! There are plenty of women/girls that do post photos for attention and to see who they can get in their bed – MARRIED or not. I’m married but if I was single and had some guy hitting on me and I knew he was married, his wife would be the first to know and all communication would cease immediately! Maybe women wouldn’t blame each other as much if there were some that had enough respect/self-respect to not mess around with a married man! If you’re not happy end it… 12 months or 12 yrs… cheating not only ruins relationships but leaves the other party insecure and makes it hard for them to trust again.

  22. Omg is OP fucking serious? This is exactly what rape culture is: a culture that places the responsibility and blame on women for curving men’s “insticts” and “desires” (because obviously they’re mindless beasts that act on purely instincts) and to see that amount of internalized misogyny in one person is fucked up.

  23. lol…I love the moment when the woman is basically saying “but he can add you to his spank bank”! Man, fuck that shit. Women are not responsible for men’s desires or thoughts. And I guarantee that they don’t need “boob pics” to fantasize about a particular woman. We have such a terrible cultural view of sex and of women’s bodies.

  24. Coming from a place where I’ve more or less seen both sides of the issue, I have to say that I agree with Amanda’s point, if not her tone.
    From the time I was about 6 to 15, my went through a lot of different religious beliefs, and a great emphasis was put on modesty. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is great to leave some to the imagination, etc. But having belonged to a congregation in which dirty looks have been cast my way for wearing jeans, above the knee skirts (over leggings), and-gasp! Talking to a boy! …I realize just how much these obey strict rules can damage people’s perception of sexuality.
    I do not post bikini pictures on social media, (and I do wear a bikini, not a one piece…they are invariably too short for my body and apparently they do not sell extra tall suits at normal stores.) However, I have friends who do, and let me tell you, I doubt they’re after the attention of your gross old husband. No offense, but if you’re old enough to talk about being saggy, why is your husband friends with these young girls anyway? I know my dad isn’t, and the ones I’ve known of who are, are big perverts. You know, like the “family friend” who’s always calling me kiddo but clicking “like” on the picture of me in a “slutty pirate costume”? (my aunt’s description). How about not blaming the girls who are probably more interested in your teenage son than your husband, and instead blaming your hubby for being a pedophilic perv? In the meantime, go buy yourself a bikini…he’d probably like it.

    1. You touched on another topic, and you’re not the first one to mention it, so I can’t help myself from addressing it: Why do so many young women think that every guy over 35 who admires their youthful beauty is an “old perv”?

      I’m over 50, and hell yeah I appreciate the sight of an attractive young woman in a bathing suit. Any man who tells you otherwise is either gay or lying. That does NOT mean I actually want to have sex with you, it does NOT mean I would ever hit on you, and it does NOT mean I love my beautiful, sexy wife of over 30 years any less. Even if I were single, I would have absolutely zero desire to be in a relationship with a much younger woman. The common interests and experiences just wouldn’t be there. But beauty is beauty, and sexy is sexy, and that doesn’t change just because you get older.

      One day, when you are my age, I hope you remember this conversation when you’re at the beach with your bald, chubby husband (whom you still love dearly), while you watch admiringly as a couple of twenty-something guys with washboard abs toss their football around. Then you’ll know what I’m talking about.

      1. This ^^^. I’m also male and over 50 and married 27 years. The fact that I appreciate the the beauty of a younger woman’s body hardly makes me a pervert; it pretty much makes me about normal for my age.

      2. Hey, Charlie! Me again 🙂 I completely agree with you here. And I’m not even to mid-30s 😉

      3. Thanks!

        What SOME women don’t seem to understand is that we men, no matter how old, always have a 16-year-old boy somewhere inside of us. Mature, mentally healthy men don’t act out on that, but that part of us is still there.

  25. Wow. Honestly I think you are just being a jerk. Her blog arises out of strong Christian convictions, which you obviously know nothing about. Don’t judge her and what she is fighting for. She is fighting for her marriage. You tearing her apart in this blog accomplishes nothing, other than it makes you look like a complete fool. You think she’s a bitch? You haven’t been in her shoes, how dare you insult someone so horribly when you don’t even know them?? You wrote this blog just to get affirmation from other women, to bully someone for their beliefs, and to form some kind of Internet clique. It’s sad really and reminds me of high school. You do this for what, to elevate yourself by putting other people down? Good luck with your life, I hope you make something out of it besides wasting your precious time throwing sticks and stones.

      1. No problem! I really hope you stop bashing people for their beliefs and start being a little more classy. I’m curious though, would you have bashed a Muslim woman for her beliefs regarding modesty like you did to this woman? Would you have called her a bitch? Well actually I don’t care if you reply because I don’t really care what you think, so I guess it doesn’t matter. Of course you’re not going to agree with someone for their beliefs, but show some class when writing a response. I’m positive she didn’t type her blog and direct it to you, although you obviously think she did. It’s super annoying when girls like yourself hide behind computer screens and publicly bully someone for their beliefs.

      2. DAMMIT. Her blog wasn’t about me? Well, shit. Guess I’ll delete this whole thing.

        Yeah, look. Anyone woman of any religion who believes that is super confused. If a Muslim woman wrote as condescending, rape culture friendly garbage as the original blogger did, I would say the same thing.

        Sorry that I don’t think it’s classy to be a spineless and insecure twat. There was NOTHING classy about the original blogger’s entry. Sorry.

  26. If her posts bother you so much why are you facebook friends with her? More than that, don’t you have better things to do with your time then then have a blog that criticizes other blogs?

  27. Charlie, I also see your point, and I am also able to see compliments from an older man as simply that-a compliment. One time a friend’s dad told me “That is a beautiful dress. Wait-let me rephrase that. You make the dress look beautiful”. I appreciated the compliment, and we both went about our business. I am referring to a man who is married with 2 kids, one of them a daughter who is my age whom he still seems to consider a child. Yet he constantly posts pictures of scantily clad and downright provocative looking young women all over his Facebook. What sort of an example is he setting for his daughter, flirting with her friends and indicating that he much prefers these porn models to her mother? Admiration is one thing, outright lust is another. I’ve seen both and can usually tell the difference

  28. I am in my 40s. I want everyone to know I was once young and hot, and now I am overweight not because of age but because of some health issues. I’m working to get back to where I was. My husband still does not keep his hands off me. I still do not hate younger hotter women for posting pictures. Now, if they were sending them to him privately, we would have problems. My point is that attraction is mental, emotional, physical. External factors can affect it to some extent, but confidence and love go a long way. I am happier and stronger than I was when I was younger. I’m more confident and deeper in love. We are still great together!

  29. It’s one thing to have jealousy issue and tell you husband and or ask him to delete these people you have a problem with I guess, but it’s another thing to go to these women that could give to shit about you and your relationship to take down pictures that wernt even thinking about you or him when posting. People are going to do what they what when they want and if you don’t like it or agree with it the only way to avoid it is to remove yourself from it. Delete the Facebook or delete/block the people that are bothering you but don’t complain to the women that no nothing about your relationship. Nothing good will come of it. I don’t agree with how either of you treated eachother. I believe you both should have some level of respect for each other and feelings, but it should have never happened at all anyways. Relationship issues should stay a private matter unless your talking to counselor therapist or whatever. (This is also coming from a jealous insecure wife) keep your problems to yourself and Husband, not others. I pray for her, and you for being so mean.

  30. I actually read the other author’s article, and this is spot on. It just sounded to me like this lady was using her faith as an excuse to be a control freak. She just automatically assumes that she knows what’s best for him, and I find that irritating. You can know what’s best for your kids, but not for another adult.

    Well written, Manda. Keep it real.

  31. I have to agree with another person who commented. The article is about modesty, morals, and self respect. I don’t expect everyone to understand that, but seriously, what happen to class?

  32. So, your boyfriend lives in what seems a beautiful gigantic home. Why are you fundraising for a $450 laptop? He can’t spot you in the meantime? He can have a gorgeous house but not buy you a laptop for Christmas to support your writing?

    Yes. That’s what I found most interesting about your article 😊

    1. His family does, and that has no bearing on supporting me in my decision to walk away from my current field to work. He’s been helpful and supportive in my decision, but I do not expect him to just pay me to exist. If people enjoy my writing and wish to help out, that’s awesome. I’ll definitely pay it forward with the first check I get from advertisements or someone actually wanting to pay me to write. I didn’t budget for a destroyed laptop needing replaced, which sucks, but my boyfriend and his financial situation have literally no bearing on my decision to start my own life path as a freelance writer. He lives on the other side of the country; it’s not like we’re married. If we were, then yes, I assume he’d buy me a laptop.

  33. I think this post is great! You make excellent points. One thing, this woman is clearly insecure and while that doesn’t justify her misdirected blog post, I do still think as women we should ban together and not call her a bitch.

    She needs some confidence and if we can address her ridiculous post without name calling, it’s my opinion we’d all be better for it!

    Keep up the good work!

  34. Is she for real? What does she do about the myriad of tv commercials showing bikinis or less. Im sure every advertizer every tv channels is going to hear from her. Id like to see and hear the results of that. Lady if your that worried about your husband get divorced and join a convent.

  35. I agree with a lot of these comments, people are so rediculous with ideas such as they think there should be no one on the beach not fully clothed? Bahahaha. Really? You are that insecure? True, most relationships probably start with lust then turns into love. If it’s true love and you are life partners then you don’t have to worry about the lust anymore. They may look, but true love keeps them from touching. Men and women are wired different no doubt. Women need to feel an emotional attachment, men mostly want to feel a physical attraction to remind them how they were back in their younger days. The movie “Hall Pass” gives a pretty good summation of this situation. Lol!
    I was actually married to a woman like this. Guess what? We finally got divorced after ten years of pure hell! The older she got the worse she got! We could not even watch a “PG” movie without her fast forwarding through sections of the movie. Wasn’t even worth trying to watch the movie at that point. Jealousy and insecurity will not work in a marriage! Plus most of those people are hypocrites and control freaks with double standards anyway! Like the old saying “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink” You also can not force someone to act right(if that is even the case). You will only push them away and make both of you miserable. I have since been dating someone for some time now, and she does not worry about much at all because she knows where my heart belongs and life is so much sweeter!! If you or your spouse is worried about what someone else is wearing, maybe you need to reevaluate your situation. I’m not sure why or how a stranger’s clothes should control your relationship.

    1. Oh, I forgot one thing! Just to show you how rediculous my wife at that time was, we were riding on the interstate one afternoon and passed a Hooter’s Resturant. Knowing how she was, I turned to look on the opposite side of the road just to avoid confrontation but of course failed. She immediately spoke up and said “go ahead and look, I know you want to”. Well guess what about a year after we were divorced, I finally ate in a Hooters for the first time!! I did not realize how horrible she was until I finally got out of that marriage. Life is so much better now!

  36. Thanks for the post, and thanks for the attached photos. Filed away in my spark bank for future withdrawals! Lol

  37. I love this. I am definitely a fan! Thank YOU! Women need to be more self confident, especially this one. It doesn’t matter what’s in a Facebook newsfeed if you are happy with you.

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